Wake Up Calls
by Team M
Summary: Cancer is hard. Doing a tour with cancer is harder. Doing a tour with Demi, the Jonas', and Selena with cancer and not wanting anyone to know is even harder. Well, no one said it would be easy. And it definitely won't be. xNiley
1. Chapter 1

**Wake Up Calls.**

**Chapter One.**

We were still waiting. We were still in the same chairs in the same positions in the same room that we had been all morning. We'd watched people walk in and out of the office, we watched them cry and smile. We saw a lot in the time we've been here.

Time meaning that we'd been waiting there for the past hour, and time was slowing down with each minute that passed. We had only come for the doctor to check on a few bruises that my dad was worried about. I was famous, and with these bruises that wouldn't fade there was obviously something wrong. I thought I broke something. I'd gotten them from being me – bumping into a kitchen counter – so it couldn't be that serious, right? It wasn't a big deal, hell, I barely noticed the bruise anymore.

Hearing the doctor say, "We're just gonna run a few tests," made it seem like a pretty big deal, though. It made it seem like something was wrong. Something that I couldn't fix in a few weeks with some exercises. Something major.

No one asked if anything had changed lately. In fact, the new habits didn't even cross my mind until my doctor himself asked. I didn't think about how my appetite had changed or how I'd been falling down a lot more lately. To me, it was just another fall. Just another day where I wasn't hungry. It wasn't a big deal.

"Miley Cyrus," the doctor came back into the room, a clipboard in his hands. His voice sounded too strained. I knew the results, already, we could have left then and I'd already know what was coming next. "There's no easy way to say this," he handed a pamphlet to my dad. "They were positive."

My dad looked down, shaking his head as I looked over his shoulder for the real confirmation.

_Leukemia: Kids/Teens edition._

"I'm really sorry," he told us again. I wondered how many patients he had to give that line to in a week. I wonder how many were superstars. I would guess not a lot. I was probably the only one unlucky enough to end up like this in Hollywood. Who knew living a dream could be this hard?

"Will I die?" I whispered meekly. I bet that was the first question people asked when he used that line. Superstar or homeless, I bet that was the top first question. See, people aren't that different from each other.

"If you decide to go through chemo there's an eighty-seven percent chance you'll live," he said matter-of-factly. "Then, there's the nine percent chance of it coming back. Only four percent of death."

I nodded, not really able to say anything. I couldn't. There was nothing to say about statistics like that.

"Will it hurt?"

"No, but it won't be easy. You'll be scared and unsure, then after you'll feel sick. You'll throw up, you won't be that hungry, you'll get aches. I won't lie to you, you might want to slow down a little. With your lifestyle it'll be even harder."

My lifestyle. I would guess that meant being famous. Then, I would guess that was big hint that going on a fifty-nine date tour was probably not the best idea at a time like this. Oh well.

"I'll be fine," I informed him. This wasn't going to change my life. I'd fight the cancer and let it be a part of my past. Simple as that.

I looked at my dad for a second when a new question occurred. The most important question at the moment.

I felt the top of my head, running my fingers through the laces of hair. "Will I become bald?"

"Rare cases don't lose their hair, but I'm afraid to say that you most likely will."

That's what it took for the tears to come out. Suddenly, the fact of me going bald made it all seem realistic. I felt my dad's arm wrap around me and instantly turned into his chest. This would ruin everything that I've worked so hard for. It'd leave scars and I'd go bald. Everyone would know.

"Thanks," My dad dismissed him. "We'll talk later. Right now I think we both need to figure this all out."

"I understand," he nodded curtly, shaking my dad's hand before walking out.

I glanced up at my dad. "How am I supposed to tell this one to my friends?"

"I dunno," he murmured, running his hands through my curly locks of hair. The hair that I still had right now.

"I don't want them to pity me," I huffed. God, did I hate pity. Not as much as I hated cancer, but, oh, was it up there.

"I know, Sweetie."

"And I don't need their help, either. I can do this myself," I informed him.

My dad sighed. "I know, but they really should know."

I let a few more tears fall, my voice cracking. "I'm just so scared, Daddy. What am I gonna do, huh? What the hell is His plan, because I really don't see it now. I think he's trying to tear me down."

"No one said you need to do this alone." He wrapped his hands around me. "And I think there's a reason why God keeps picking you. You're the only one strong enough to do all this."

I knew I didn't need to do it alone, but that didn't make this any easier. It didn't make my questions go away. Why me? How was I supposed to do this 'Disney' tour with Selena, Demi, and the Jonas' if I had to go to chemo? Why did God need to pick me? Why did he need to pick right before tour? His timing really did suck.

Well, we'd definitely need to work on bus arrangements, because the six of us couldn't share a bus anymore. I could deal with hiding it from a few people, but with five other people on the bus at least one of them were bound to find out why I would be puking and disappearing and shedding hair. And if we all shared a bus, once one found out everyone else would too. It's like a tour bus rule.

"Maybe we should cancel it," my dad suggested.

I shook my head. That wasn't doable. I wouldn't be doing that. Not to my fans, not to me.

"Well, we can resch-"

"I'm doing the tour, Dad," I told him softly. If there was one thing left in my life, it was doing that tour. It would cause drama, and Selena and I would need to pretend to like each other for two months instead of two hours, but I would die from cancer before I didn't do this tour.

"Alright," he gave in, focusing on the road.

_Almost home?_

I bit my lip at the text from Brandi. They were all waiting for us to get back to the house to hear the news. They were all praying it was good. I wasn't going to tell them through a text message I might die.

_Yeah._

"We're gonna have to tell Disney," I told my dad as if he didn't already think of that, he thought of everything.

"You're gonna be the once who convinces them you're still up for tour."

"They'll listen," I mentioned nonchalantly. "They always do."

"Maybe they'll lay their foot down this time."

I snorted as he pulled into the driveway. "Right."

"You can't always get your way."

"I can with Disney," I told him with finality. And that was that.

"Ready to tell Brandi?"

"Ready to tell Mom?" I shot back.

He let out a breath. "We'll tell them together, alright?"

"Think Noah will be mad that I ruined her day with you... Again?" I bit my lip.

He shrugged. "I think Noah will need to understand."

"Sometimes I don't think she ever will," I shut my eyes, leaning against the seat. "I don't mean to take up all the spotlight in her world. I wish she knew that."

My dad got out of the car as I did the same. He came over giving me a hug. "She'll realize that soon. Right now she's just too young to see things rationally."

"I hope it's not too late when she does."

My dad held my head to his chest and I could tell he was trying to stop me from seeing him cry. I wanted to see the tears, though. I wanted to know that I wasn't alone. I needed someone to remind me that it was okay to cry.

"Can we go inside?"

My dad nodded, leading us to the door and opening it, letting me walk in first. I slid off my flip-flops, messing with the hem of my old cheer t-shirt.

"We're home!"

It took about five seconds for everyone to get into the room after my dad's call. They were all hopeful until they saw us. Then it was like part of them died. The answer was evident from the tears in our eyes. I didn't want to upset them, but with my family it seemed like I had a way of bringing bad news through the front door.

"What is it?" Braison asked. He left it vague, but we all knew what he meant. What did I end up getting diagnosed with? They all wanted to know what I would be getting treated for. I could practically hear everyone holding their breath.

My dad bit his lip. He didn't want to say it. Neither did I, but I had a lot more practice saying things I didn't want to. For example, that I loved Selena. Or maybe that I didn't let haters get to me anymore. Or enjoying the paparazzi. That was always pleasant.

"Leukemia," I answered for them, holding it together.

Maybe I was shell-shocked. Shouldn't I be crying still? Shouldn't I be devastated? Because I wasn't. I didn't feel anything. I felt numb.

Brandi shook her head in disappointment before coming over and giving me a hug.

"I'm fine," I told her reassuringly, shaking myself out of her embrace. I wasn't broken. I was still myself. I wasn't freaking out over this and they shouldn't either.

"Are you still going on tour?" Trace asked.

"Absolutely no-"

"Of course," I cut my mom off.

Her head snapped over to me in surprise and I knew she was getting ready to try and talk me out of it. It wouldn't work, though. Her speeches never did work on me. Then again, not many people's did. "Miley-"

"I'm losing everything right now, Mom," I pointed our. "I'm not losing performing too. I'm not backing out from the one thing that I still have that makes me happy."

"But your health-"

"I'll be fine. I'll get chemo on the road, okay? We can plan it on the days I have off."

"Someone will need to come with you, then. I'm not letting you go alone, not anymore. I understand that you're almost eighteen now, but-"

"Come. I want someone there. You can, Brandi can, I don't care. Come if you want, but I'm touring either way," I finished, going up to my room alone, trying to make it crystal clear that I didn't want to talk to anyone right now with my body language. I plopped down on my bed, staring at my ceiling and trying to figure out what I was going to do.

So I was being a little bitchy to my family. Kill me.

I just found out I had fucking cancer, for Christ's sake, I think bitchy is excusable...

At least for today it is.

**POSSIBLE new story. Not sure yet. What do you think?**

**Sorry the first chapter was so short. I always have been bad with introductions, I guess. hahaha.**

**twitter: iaskedtaylorx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two.**

A week later and I was stepping onto the bus I'd be spending the next three months on. My family and I had informed Disney on the matter of cancer, but other than them I had requested no one else knows. I just, didn't want to be treated differently, I guess. I wanted things to be the same.

If Nick and I ended up ruining our friendship with this tour and becoming a couple again, then I wanted it to be because of me, not the cancer. If Nick and I ended up ruining our friendship with this tour and gave up on us, well, he would never do that if he knew. Then, if Nick and I decided to actually stay and maintain our status as best-friends – who am I kidding? That won't be happening. If I was positive about one thing before stepping onto the tour bus, it was that this tour, these next few months, would either make or break Nick and I. Because we couldn't be best-friends when we were together. It was just too hard.

Then, I wanted to see how Demi and I could spend literally every waking second with each other without her pitying me or seeing if I needed anything every four seconds. Would we get sick of each other or just grow stronger? I wouldn't know if I told her, she'd be too protective.

I didn't want this to change anything.

"Miley!" Demi squealed when she saw me get on the bus, coming over to give me a hug.

I smiled, wrapping my arms around her as well. It was me, Demi, and Selena sharing a bus together now that I talked Disney into readjusting the buses. Obviously they couldn't exactly split Demi and I up and I guess it made more sense to have the three girls together, but were they aware of how awkward our bus would be? I mean, I could pretend to like Selena with no problem, I've been doing it the past three years, but Demi? Demi and Selena weren't even civil.

"Demi!"

"I have so much to tell you!" she gushed as I threw my bag on the bunks we had picked out the other night.

"Alright, so you start talking while I pretend to listen."

I felt a pillow hit me in the head within ten seconds.

"I was kidding!" I laughed, sitting at the table.

"Okay, so, I was walking-"

She stopped, turning to the sound of an opening door. I watched as Selena walked in, her hair covering half of her face. She hesitated a little bit but then finished walking in, closing the door behind her. I knew that considering I was in her position because of her three years ago it was okay not feel sorry for her, but even I did. She looked so helpless. She looked so alone. And that was definitely the worst feeling in the world.

"Hey, Selena," I smiled a little at her as she faked a smile back.

I loved how we both knew we weren't really friends. That we secretly didn't like each other from both sides. She stole my boyfriend, I stole her best-friend. Both legitimate reasons to be pissed off. Maybe we'd never move on. By now not liking each other just came natural.

"Hi, Miley."

"Yeah, so, I was walking downtown last night and you will never guess who I saw," Demi began again as I shot her a look to at least acknowledge Selena. I don't know why, though. We both knew she wasn't going to.

I shrugged, thinking for awhile. "My brother."

"You're so funny," she spat out sarcastically.

"You're the one who dated him," I muttered, walking to the fridge and pulling out a water bottle, throwing Demi a Coke in the process.

"Biggest mistake of my life," she shook her head. "Your family really knows how to break hearts."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I crossed my arms getting defensive. I wasn't a heartbreaker. No, maybe Trace was, but I didn't break hearts. I loved people with everything in me and got my heart broken. That's just how it always went.

She chuckled, nodding her head where the other buses were located. "Have you seen Nick?"

"Yeah, I just talked to him last week, actually. And he's doing great," I informed her. "We both are. We're just, best-friends that are gonna have the time of their lives on tour."

"And, how many times did you two actually hang out as best-friends?"

"Does Tybee count?"

She had that glint in her eyes. "Does Tybee count? Do I really need to remind you what happened in Tybee? Of course Tybee doesn't count."

"Then we haven't."

"Oh, yeah, then. No problem being just friends."

I rolled my eyes at her sarcasm.

"Shut up."

"Or what?"

"Hm, maybe we should get started on you and Joe," I suggested, leaning into the table. I'd have fun with this one. "I mean, you two... You can't be friends for the life of you. You're worse than Nick and I."

"No one can be worse than you and Nick," she argued. "Everytime you two see each other you practically undress each other with your eyes."

"You have one wild imagination, don't you?" I got up, walking around to the bunks. I climbed on top of mine as Demi followed, sitting next to me on the bed.

I smirked. "I think you sleep on the bottom."

"Really? I thought we just had to share a bed all tour," Her annoying sense of sarcasm came back out.

"How do they expect me to put up with you for three months?" I complained, rolling my eyes as Demi grinned, getting in my face.

"We all know you love me."

"Keep dreaming."

"If you insist." She laid down on my pillow, grabbing it all and taking all of the blankets. The blankets and pillow to _my _bunk.

I groaned, watching the obnoxious smirk on my best-friends face just get bigger. This was gonna be a long tour.

:::

"C'mon, Miley. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to take a shower, you're still gonna need to see them today," Demi yelled from outside the one bathroom we had on the bus. "Then, after you see them today, you get to see them the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the day after-"

I opened the door, taking my stuff with me to my bunk. "Shut up."

"The princess is finally done!" she threw her arms up.

If only she knew why I was in there so long. I bet she wouldn't be so damn impatient then.

"You are the biggest pain in my ass," I muttered.

"Back atchya. Now let's go. We're gonna be late," she pulled my arm impatiently, trying to drag me out the door.

"Hold on, Demi, Jesus," I fought out of her grip, going over to Selena's bunk. Surprise, surprise, I wasn't the only one hiding out. "We're leaving now if you wanna come."

Her eyes twitched to look over at Demi before she let out a shrug. "I'll catch up."

I gave Demi, who was wearing a thin glare, a pointed look, walking outside with her and into the venue. I bit my lip before letting what I was thinking out.

"I don't like her either, but it doesn't mean you need to be such a bitch."

"Right, but you don't like her for some stupid reason that happened a year ago-"

"Oh, yeah, because your reason is so much better," I spat.

She crossed her arms. "At least my reason is because she insulted me. Not because-"

"Miley! Dems!"

I rolled my eyes as we both began speed-walking to Joe in a race to tell him our side of the story. He let out a sigh as we came over. Our arguments definitely weren't a secret. And they weren't exactly fun to listen to either. But, that was part of the deal. We've never agreed before, and we probably wouldn't in the future, but that was Demi and I for you. And I wouldn't change it for anything.

"What's the fight about this time?" He groaned.

"She called me a bitch," Demi told him as he raised his eyebrows at me.

No. This was not my fault. I was the one being nice to fucking _Selena _out of all people. I would not get the blame when I was actually doing the right thing.

"Because she was being a bitch!"

"She was a bitch to me first," Demi turned, yelling at me.

"So, what? Don't get me wrong, I don't like her either but at least I don't shoot her a glare every five seconds. Or give her a look that my ass is better than her!"

"Well, you should be more understanding! She went out with your ex three fucking years ago and you guys weren't even friends! Get over it!"

"You're telling me to get over it?" I asked, raising my voice. "Really? She's _your _best-friend-"

"Don't even go there!"

"Where? The truth?" I spat out.

Joe sighed, stepping in between us. He wasn't even surprised at our fights anymore, they were so frequent.

"Guys, stop."

"She's-"

"Demi," he turned to her, putting one hand on each of her cheeks. "Stop it. Both of you."

"Hey, guys," Nick walked up innocently, giving us both a small smile before meeting eyes with me. He shyly showed his teeth. "Hey, Miley."

"Hey," I nodded as he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around me, making me feel as if nothing was wrong. Like I didn't have cancer, like this wouldn't be the longest tour in my life, like we never broke up. He let me pretend for a few seconds.

"Undressing each other," Demi mouthed to me.

I laughed, shooting her a playful glare.

"Trace," I mouthed back.

"Ew!" she exclaimed.

I giggled as Joe closed his eyes, shaking his head. Our fights never did last. They were probably the worst fights I've ever had with anyone before, but they always ended within minutes. We'd never had a fight last more than a day before. We were both just so honest that sometimes we went a little overboard. Luckily we understood eachother enough to move on. More than most people could do.

"And you two are gonna be sharing a bus," Joe muttered, walking away.

Nick looked at us confused, making eye contact with me again and asking what Joe was talking about. I shook my head annoyed, rolling my eyes as well as he nodded, completely understanding.

"Hi, yeah, can you guys maybe talk out loud while I'm still here?" Demi smiled at me obnoxiously.

"We were just discussing how me and you were fighting."

Demi nodded. "But we're over it now so it's all good," she wrapped her arms around my neck in a hug laughing.

"Hey, Sel," Nick smiled at her as she walked in and I had to resist rolling my eyes. Did he really have to be friends with all of his exes? Seriously?

I looked at Demi who was giving me a pointed look that had _I Told You So_ written all over it. I made a face at her as Selena walked over us. I inched towards Demi as she stifled a laugh and Nick gave me a warning look. He gave _me _a warning look. Demi was the one who was making it obvious, but of course it's me he glares at. I scoffed. Well, then.

"What's up?" he asked her.

He didn't ask _me _that. Then again, precious Selena didn't get a hug. I think I won this game.

"Same old. You?"

"Same, just hanging around with Miley and Demi. I'm excited. I have a good feeling about this tour."

"Oh, me too," I muttered sarcastically.

Nick's head snapped over to me and I simply put my arms up in apology. I just couldn't hold that comment back and by saying that he practically forced me to say something witty. Demi was out of control with her giggling now and I smiled, pulling her away.

"I never wanna hear you yell at me for being rude to Selena again," she let out between laughs. "That was priceless. You were burning a hole through her head with that glare. Jeez, calm down the jealousy. Best-friends this tour, remember?"

"If I wasn't jealous what would you have to laugh at?" I sneered.

"Selena flirting with Nick." She motioned behind me to where we were standing before as I snapped my head back to look at them.

I wrinkled my eyebrows. That was hardly flirting. She was like, five feet away from him. Literally. If anything they looked more awkward than Nick and I did I personally thought that was impossible.

"Told you you were jealous."

I crossed my arms. "I never denied it."

She shook her head, a small grin playing her lips. "You're a wreck."

"Hey," I stated, imitating the way Joe put his hands on her cheeks. "I could say the same about you and Joe."

She laughed, pulling away from me before turning serious again, motioning behind me.

"You're gonna get yourself in trouble with that mouth of yours," Nick spoke up before I could turn around.

When I did turn around, my mouth had an obvious smirk displayed. I could feel it. "Old habits die hard. Too late to fix it now."

"Optimistic as always," he stated as I let out a cheeky smile. And I was worried it would be awkward. This was Nick, the only person I could always be myself around besides Demi. Of course it wouldn't be awkward.

Suddenly I clutched my stomach, groaning in pain before realizing what I was doing. Demi and Nick were both holding one shoulder, bending down to me.

"Are you okay?"

"Mi, you alright? Mi?"

"Guys, I'm fine," I stood up, my stomach still hurting but pretending it was all okay. I knew I'd have a high fever by tonight. Then again, I'd rather just have a million fevers than start chemotherapy next week.

"You sure?" Nick asked unsurely.

"Yeah, it's just menstrual cramps. It's all good."

Demi looked at me through worried eyes, and I knew she'd be the first to know. She was just too suspecting already. "You've been having these random _menstrual_ cramps for the past two months, Miley. Maybe you should get it checked out."

"I'm fi-"

"Miley," Nick gave me one of his pointed looks.

"Nicholas," I hissed out his full name for the first time in years.

He put his hands up walking back over Selena as I sighed in disappointment, facing Demi.

"You know he's right, right?"

I nodded, crossing my arms. "I already did get it checked. They said nothing was wrong," I forced a smile.

She shrugged, pulling me back over to Joe. Sometimes, I wish she'd call my lie. Just to make me tell the truth.

**what'd you think? (:**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three.**

I rushed, combing my hair up into a loose ponytail then running out of the tour bus to my mom who had a taxi waiting. We were going back to LA for the day off, which I'd normally be happy about, but this was going to be my first appointment of chemotherapy. That always puts a downer on the visit.

Normally we'd go to a hospital near us and just get the papers transferred over, but considering this was my first time I was nervous enough. Adding the fact that I wouldn't know the doctor performing the task would only make me more nervous.

"I'm not ready," I spoke so softly, so afraid, that it even scared me.

The cab kept moving even when I wanted it to stop so badly. A part of my wanted to crawl back in bed. The part of me that knew I had to face this wanted to go grab Nick's hand. I guess both of those options weren't available anymore.

"I'm here, you know that right?"

I nodded, turning up the volume to my iPod. My mom was definitely more nervous than I was. If anything, I wanted to trade her for Nick. At least he could make me feel better about all of this.

"Miley," the regular doctor I'd seen a total of three times gave me a soft smile as me and my mom walked over. I wanted to know how he could do this. How he could save and ruin peoples lives at the same time.

"What's up, Doc?" I forced out a joke.

He shook his head, leading us to the room. "You're one of a kind... Nothing, you?"

"Oh, nothing."

"How's tour?"

"Sharing a bus with two people who hate each other is just dandy, already," I told him sarcastically. "Throw your ex-boyfriend into the mix and it's just great. Fantastic. _Enchanting_."

"Sounds like a blast."

I laughed a little. "I actually, somehow, still love it."

"Do they know where you are?"

"Nope, I just left. I walked out of the bus."

My mom's head snapped over to me, her eyes wide. "You didn't, did you?"

"Yeah. I got up and left."

"They're gonna have a heart attack when they wake up," she hissed. I never thought of that part. Oh, well. "Right now, text them where you are."

I rolled my eyes at how dramatic she was being before pulling out my phone.

_Hey, sorry I left. It was just really early. Family emergency. Explain later. Love youu._

There. That should buy me some times to think of a legit excuse. Except for the fact that Noah was still on the bus... Too bad. No time to think it over now.

"Ready?" He explained the procedure.

"No."

"Miley, you can do this, okay?" He was lying to me. I could feel it. I couldn't do this at all. Ask me to go perform for a million people, fine, no problem. Ask me to go through chemo, ha, funny.

I closed my eyes, wincing as the needle skimmed my skin. I wasn't ready for this.

:::

"What the hell, where were you this morning?" Demi snapped as I walked in.

"Chill out, I told you, family emergency."

"No, you didn't. You texted fucking Nick, while I'm sitting here worry my ass off about you just to-"

"Demi! I'm not in the mood," I whispered, going to my bunk. Thank God we had today off.

She followed me, still fuming as she yelled some more. "What could be so damn important that you forgot to text me."

"I'm not in the mood, Demi," I told her firmly. "Now go pretend not to like Joe or something, because all I want to do is sleep, alright?"

"You're such a fucking asshole," she muttered before turning to leave. I glanced at Selena as I waved at her. She eyed my hand carefully before smiling back a little. I could see the look in her eyes as she analyzed Demi and I. She thought we could be the two worst best-friends ever. But underneath all the fighting, we really did love each other.

"Nick was freaking out," she told me.

I looked up at her surprised that she said anything about Nick. He was kind of in the off-topic list between us. Better yet, he was the off-topic list between us. She stared at me, a small smile on her face.

"Why?"

"You know he cares about you more than anyone. He was worried something was wrong."

I slowly nodded, looking away. No, he didn't care about me more than everyone. He certainly didn't care about me more than her. "Everything's fine."

"Doesn't seem like it. Cancer?"

"What?" I spat, my entire mood darkening as I took three swift steps so I was standing straight in front of her. Who the hell did she think she was? And how the hell did she know?

She shook her head. "You're being stupid. This is putting your health at risk and you know it. You can't do a tour with-"

"Don't say it," I snapped, glaring at her. "I don't have it, alright? Set your facts straight."

"Oh," She rose her eyebrows, grabbing my wrist and holding it up for me to see. "I'm pretty sure they are. But let's double check," she pulled my wrist closer, reading the small font. "Cancer outpatient center. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's cancer."

I stared at the hospital band and knew that any excuse I might have wasn't good enough this time. Shit. How could I forget about that?

"I'd take that off before you perform."

I didn't say anything, simply looking down. The person I wanted to find out first wasn't Selena. Actually, I didn't want her to find out at all.

"Miley," she called back to me. I glanced up, her eyes begging me to listen to this one statement. "Tell Demi. Please. She's gonna break down soon. She's really worried about you."

"Selena, come here," I finally mustered out, walking over to the couch. She actually listened to me for once, sitting beside me as I really looked into her eyes for the first time. She really was a normal person. "You can't tell anyone, alright?"

"I figured."

"And you can't make it obvious. No clues."

"I know, Miley." I caught her almost roll her eyes at me. "Still, I really think you should tell Demi."

"I'll tell Demi eventually. Chill out," she smiled.

"But-"

"Hey, this is my decision, okay? Why do you even care so much about Demi, anyways? Didn't _you _push her away?" I knew it was low and I was acting immature by trying to make her feel bad in order to back down, but I couldn't help it. She was trying to get involved in business that wasn't hers.

To my surprise, she didn't back down, though. She sat there, shaking her head as if I didn't understand the simplest thing in the world. "She's mad at me. I'm not mad at her," she told me softly before pausing for a few seconds. "Besides, I'll always care."

"Why?"

"You still care about Nick after five years," she pointed out. "Me and Demi not only had two years of being best-friends, but ten. Ten years is too long to let something slip away."

"Me and Nick have absolutely nothing going on," I fought. "We're so 2006."

She rose her eyebrows before scoffing a little. "Yeah. Right."

"We-"

"Miley, shut up," she laughed a little. Maybe it was wrong to hate her. "We both know you two always have something going on."

"Yeah, a good friendship," I smiled. But the word felt so odd coming out of my mouth. _Friendship._

:::

"Noah, stop it!" I scolded as she ran around my dressing room _again_ with her stupid toy. I really wasn't in the mood today. I don't think the chemo had worn off yet and I was just a tad irritable.

"I can do what I want," she shot back as I rolled my eyes at her immaturity.

"I'll tell mom," I threatened as she paused, hesitating to think. "And you know who's side she'll take."

"Who could forget?" She mumbled, beginning to walk out of the room.

I stepped in front of her. That wasn't fair. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Everyone always take your side. You _always_ steal the attention," she glared at me. I bit my lip. I didn't mean to make Noah so mad, so hurt, but I couldn't help it. I didn't ask for the attention.

"It's just lately with the-"

"No. Not lately. You've_ always _gotten the attention!" She suddenly screamed at me. "I can't do anything good enough to outshine Miley. Miley this, Miley that. You aren't the only person in the world!"

"I-I'm sorry, Noah," I whispered softly. "I swear, I didn't-"

"I get it, okay? You don't mean to, you never mean to. I get that. But it doesn't make it any easier!"

"Noah-"

"Your famous, that's great! But what makes you anymore special than the rest of us?" She continued her rant. "Why do you get so much more attention?"

"This isn't a competition!"

"It is to me! Because the past five years I put up with you stealing it all, then this tour comes along and it's _finally_ my turn to get the spotlight in the family, then we need to go with you! It isn't fair!" She threw her hands up.

"Do you even care that I have cancer?" I shot at her. "I could fucking die, but – wait – as long as Noah gets her attention it's okay!"

Noah went to say something just as my mom stepped between us. I don't think either of us noticed how close we were together or how intense our stares were until my mom came and broke it up. If she didn't I honestly thought I would have hit her. I would have never been able to forgive myself, but I would have slapped her with a few more comments like the ones she'd been giving.

"What is going on?" My mom hissed as Noah and I just glared at each other. She shook her head. "Alright, Noah, c'mon. Nick! Demi!" She yelled walking out the door. "I want you guys to talk to her. I don't know what just went down."

Demi glared at me a little, obviously still mad, but then she sighed, giving me a hug.

"I don't mean to steal her attention."

"We know," Nick promised me.

I leaned in towards him, wrapping my arms around him while Demi rubbed my back.

"What happened?" Demi asked me softly.

"She hates me," I shook my head, leaning in farther to Nick, the only one who had been there since before I was so famous. "I can't believe I let it get this far. She _hates _me."

"She could never hate you, Sweetie," he murmured, kissing the top of my head gently. Now wasn't the time for one of those looks Demi was giving me.

"She does, though," I stood up, needing to get away from them. Nothing they could say would make me change my mind. This was my fault. Everything was. I walked away to the one person that I knew they wouldn't follow me to. Nick would be too stunned and Demi didn't go within hearing distance of her. I didn't want to hear how Noah didn't know what she was talking about. No, it wasn't Noah's fault this time. It was mine.

"Hey, Sel," I murmured, not bothering to look behind me.

"Hey," she forced out a smile. I knew she was curious as to why I was there, why Demi and Nick looked so shocked behind me. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just had to get away from them."

She nodded, accepting that answer. "I was actually just about to go to my dressing room for awhile, but if you wanna come with that'd be cool."

"Sure," I followed her, not even wanting to see the glare that was on Demi's face right now. She'd be pissed. No, she'd be more than pissed. She'd be ready to bury my ass into the ground.

Once we were in there I sat down on the couch as she put on some music before turning to look at me again. "Why are you so pissed off?"

I sighed. I don't know what possessed me to tell her, but something did. "You know Noah?"

"Your little sister?"

I nodded. "Well, this tour was supposed to be her time with my mom and dad. They were both just gonna stay home and be with her. But, because of the cancer, I needed someone with me. So, she never got that quality time and she hates me so much right now, and all Demi and Nick are saying is that she doesn't hate me."

"Well does she honestly hate you?"

"Yes!" I snapped.

"Then fix it," she shrugged. I stared at Selena as she shrugged as if that was the simplest damn thing to do.

"How?"

"Take her up on stage with you. That will give her attention, and I'm sure your mom will easily praise her more than you if you explain it all. It's not that hard," she smiled.

I nodded. "That's a really good idea. Thanks, Selena."

"No problem, cancer girl."

"Selena."

"Too soon for jokes, huh?"

"Yeah."

She smiled, standing up. "Let's go make some people happy, yeah?"

I grinned back, following her out only to meet Demi. She grabbed my arm and I grabbed Selena's to make sure she stopped too.

"Can we talk?" she asked through clench teeth, a dark glare shooting at me.

"I-I'm kinda with Selena right now," I stuttered.

"Selena, come to the stage, please. On in five." Damn it. Stupid management. This wasn't the time to call her to the stage.

"Good, then _you _can talk," Demi hissed.

I closed my eyes, letting Selena go and following Demi to a corner.

"Dem-"

"Shut up," she spat out right away. You'd think I just killed her dog. "What the hell was that?"

**this is for Bec:) this story my updated again... shortly. hmm. (: tell me what you think? who's your favorite character so far?**

**twitter/xwalkingonstars**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four.**

"She's nice, okay?" I defended against Demi, knowing it'd be a long night once we got to the bus.

Demi crossed her arms, shaking her head at me. "I thought you were supposed to be my best-friend. She's the one person I needed you to stay away from. I _hate _her, Miley, and I thought you out of anyone would understand that."

I did understand that. That was the hard part. I understood completely, but right now I needed someone who didn't know me. I needed someone that I could start over with, and right now Selena was giving me that chance. I didn't want someone who knew me inside and out all the time. Nick did, and everyone in fucking Hollywood knew that we're a mess waiting to happen.

"I do, Dem. You're still my best-friend, she isn't gonna change that!"

"She tears people apart, Miley! That's just what she does, and I can't lose you, too. I've lost enough people in the past year, not you too."

"What-Where is this even coming from?" I watched tears come to her eyes and shook my head. I knew it was time to step-up and we'd have to be mature for once. "You aren't crying, we don't have time to fix your make-up right now. But after the show we're gonna talk about this, okay?"

She nodded, looking up to the ceiling to stop the tears from coming down. I still didn't understand why she felt so threatened by Selena. Demi was my best friend. Not Selena. Demi. Selena couldn't replace her even if she tried. I couldn't fight with Selena the way I did with Demi, nor could I spill my guts about how I wasn't really in love with my boyfriend and know she wouldn't tell. Demi was my lifeline.

"Let's go by the boys," she grabbed my wrist, pulling me to the small group.

"Miley!"

"Nick!" I laughed, going to hug him. His arms wrapped around my waist. "Sorry for ditching you earlier. I had to clear my head."

"Yeah, I saw that," he rose his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as he motioned to the stage Selena was on. He knew that something was going on with me.

"Demi, c'mon, stage," Papa J ushered her over.

I instantly broke away from Nick, going to stand my Joe. "Why is she so sensitive over the whole Selena thing still? It's like if I talk to Sel the red light flashes and she thinks I'm gonna turn her away."

"You weren't there when they were friends, Mi," Nick told me, and just the way he said that made me look down, disappointed that I would never understand. I was disappointed at the way even I knew I could never make Demi as happy as Selena did at one point.

"What my idiot of a brother means to say is that Demi and Selena were really close, and now that they're fighting, you're the one thing that's just Demi's. Everything is about who has more between them, and Demi doesn't want to lose you. You're the one thing she doesn't want to share."

"But that isn't fair, I don't take sides and she knows that."

Joe sighed. "Maybe you should this time."

Oh God. I felt my feet go weak and my stomach lurch and knew what was about to happen.

"Yeah, maybe," I agreed with him for once before running to my dressing room and quickly locking the door so no one could get in before making a beeline to the bathroom. I'd just made it to the toilet when the vomit started. Fuck fucking cancer.

I leaned against the wall, laying my head back as the pounds on the door matched the beats of the drums.

"Miley, you alright?" I heard someone call. Nick.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I forced myself up, brushing my teeth before going to the door.

All three brothers looked at me concerned but I shook her head for them not to worry. "Is Selena done performing yet?"

"She just got off stage."

"Demi's gonna be pissed if you see her."

"Dressing room."

All three answered, one after another, oldest to youngest.

"Thanks," I walked through them, going to the only person who knew my secret. I was kind of glad someone knew. It made it easier, because it was someone who didn't give out pity rides. Especially not to me.

I knocked on the door, not looking back to the brothers. I knew that their disappointed looks would be enough to make me turn around.

"It's open!" she yelled.

I walked in, giving a soft apologetic smile. "Sorry, it's just-"

"No, it's fine. I don't mind," Selena assured. "It's been getting kind of lonely on tour anyway. None of them like me much."

"Yeah they do," I quickly argued. "Nick-"

"I'll rephrase that. None of them love me as much as they love you."

I tried to think of something to prove her wrong, but I couldn't. It wasn't exactly an unknown fact. "They just don't know you as well."

"Demi does."

"Demi's mad at you," I reminded.

She shrugged. "What happened that made you hide... again?"

"I threw up and now they're all spazzing," I rolled my eyes.

"Maybe you should tell them."

"I will eventually," I repeated. "Anyway, you did great-"

"Hey, guys," Nick waltzed in, a small smirk on his lips that I was positive only I could notice.

Selena smiled at him, but by not jumping to conclusions I couldn't tell if it was a smile of friendship or love. All I saw was Nick's smirk as he stared at me, blatantly letting me know that my plan to escape him failed. I glared back, but he was unphased.

"So, what were we talking about?"

"Girl things, Nicholas. Now, get out."

He shook his head a little. "Mi-"

"Would you just respect my privacy for once?" I snapped. I watched his face fall, crumbling as if I'd just told him off. I took a deep breath, standing up. "I'm sorry. It's just been a hard week."

"It's fine," he assured me once again, wrapping my small body in his. For a few seconds it felt like everything was gonna be okay. "We'll talk about this later, okay?"

I nodded into him, even though I already knew I wouldn't be telling him the truth.

"Sel, you did so good. You've came a long way since you started," he pulled away from me, going to give her a hug. When he left I couldn't help but feel the emptiness inside me and sighed, knowing Selena was getting the feeling of being loved by him right now. Even after all of these years, I still wonder who he loved more. Maybe it was one of those things I'd never know... I always like to pretend it was me.

:::

"Don't talk to me," Demi spat as I walked off stage, ending the show. I'd cleverly avoided her before I went on, but knew now that there was no way out of her dark, angry, wrath of jealousy.

"Alright," I shrugged, walking to my dressing room. That was fine with me. I wasn't exactly in the mood to get yelled at.

I changed alone before walking back to the bus. The engines were gently humming and I knew we'd be leaving in five minutes. Somehow I doubted Demi would tell the driver to wait for me. If I was five minutes later I'd have been stranded there.

"If it isn't the bitching, lying backstabber," Demi muttered as I got on.

If it was a hater saying that, I'd ignore it. But since it was Demi I couldn't. I turned to face her, putting a hand on my hips as I set my bag down. "Really? Really, we're doing this now?"

"Don't blame it on me-"

"You're the one to blame," I argued.

She shook her head, glaring at me through thin little slits. "No, I'm not. Don't even go. How could you do this to me?"

"Because I'm out to get you, Demi. I obviously want to make your life hell," I rolled my eyes at her dramatics.

"I'm serious!" she stood up. "You know how much I don't like her, Mi. You _know_. You more than anyone."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know that I joined a cult when I became friends with you. Should I make a list saying who you aren't allowed to like, too?"

"You could, but I'd actually follow it."

"Bullshit."

"I've already given up so much for you-"

"I'm pretty sure it's the other way around," I spat out. "I gave up so much for you. And I gave you so much."

"Like what?"

"Like _fame_," I crossed my arms. "You know that you started out being my friend just to use me."

"I told you I was sorry," she screamed. "We've moved on from this."

"That doesn't mean it doesn't matter!"

"Yes it does," she rolled her eyes. "Besides, you obviously didn't give me all my fame, 'cause I'm not famous for being a slut which is more than you can say."

I couldn't help it. It was instinct. I slapped her and she quickly shoved me into the table. I went back at her but suddenly Selena was instantly in between us both, just standing there, crossing her arms. She knew for a fact I'd never hit her and Demi's pause in movement showed she never would either. But, God, did I want her to move.

"Move," Demi demanded.

"No," Selena crossed her arms. It's the only time I've ever really seen her be defiant towards anyone.

"Selena, move or I will make you."

"Go ahead, hit me," she turned, walking closer to Demi with full confidence.

We both knew Demi wouldn't lay a finger on her. She tried to walk around Selena to get to me, but it was no use. She'd broken up the fight.

I cover my mouth, barely able to make it to the sink before the vomit started coming out yet again.

"Miley!" I heard Demi scream as she ran the few steps, holding my hair back. "Miley, are you okay?"

Gee, Demi, how about you hold on ten seconds and ask me that when I'm not puking.

"Mi," Demi whispered as the puking died down and she loosened the grip on my hair as I pulled away. She was stroking my hair and I closed my eyes.

"I'm fine. It's all good now."

"I told Nick we shouldn't have gotten that takeout. He never listens," she smiled a little. "Why don't you go lay down? I'll get you your laptop and stuff."

"It's okay, I got it-"

"Go lay down," she ordered.

I nodded, giving up, because to be totally honest, I didn't exactly feel the best right now. She could pamper me if she was really that insistent on it. I went to the couch, instantly closing my eyes. I felt so drained.

Once Demi left the room Selena walked over, kneeling next to me. "You alright?"

"I'm just tired from it," I explained.

"I'm trusting you to tell me if you need your mom or a doctor, okay?"

I nodded. "I will if I need one. Right now I just feel really tired."

"How about Nick comes on? I bet he'd make you feel better."

"Oh, Miley would _love_ that," Demi smirked, walking back in. "Actually, that's not a bad idea. For once."

"Demi," I warned. "Selena, that'd be great. I'd love that."

"Of course you would," Demi smiled a little.

"Because he's my best-friend, and that's _all_," I added, giving Demi a pointed look.

She just laughed. "Of course he is."

"I'm with Demi on this one," Selena murmured to me, trying to keep her voice low enough for Demi not to go off on her.

"Usually, I'd be offended by that, but see? When even _Selena_ agrees with you, it says something."

"Good, so spend less time insulting Sel and more time getting Nick over here," I told her, trying to stop the hurt that was repeatedly flashing through Selena's eyes.

I knew that Demi could be a bitch, and she definitely could take things too far in order to protect herself, but it was Selena who made her that way. She was defenseless when it came to her and we both knew it, so she made up insults and pretended to hate her so she wouldn't get hurt again. I wish she would listen when I told her how stupid that was.

"Fine, fine," she got her phone, telling him to run over here before we left. We all sat in silence for a few seconds before I decided to break it.

"Nobody tell him that I puked," I instructed. The last thing I needed was Nick freaking out over something so small.

He ran in, looking at three of us as Demi pointed me nonchalanty. "She puked."

"_Demi_!" I growled. "What the fuck?"

"Being honest with each other is the key to every relationship," she shrugged, going back to her bunk.

"Mi, you okay?"

I rolled my eyes. This was why I didn't want anyone to tell him. He worries about me too much. "I'm fine, I'm sure it's just the flu or something."

"This is the second time today," he sighed. I should have known he knew I'd gotten sick earlier. That's why he was watching me so closely on stage.

"I'm fine," I repeated. "I just wanted your company. Demi isn't exactly a pleasure to be around right now."

"I told you Demi would be mad," he gloated.

"Shut the fuck up before I throw you out of the bus while it's moving," I cursed.

"Okay, and on that note, I'll be in my bunk," Selena stood up, walking out of the room.

I looked at Nick, smiling a little. "What? Were you guys never that blunt with each other?"

"We weren't one for threats."

"That wasn't a threat, that was a warning."

"Oh, please," he laid down on the floor and I took my blanket and phone, laying next to him. "You put up with me for an entire tour before, you won't throw me out on the third day of this one."

"Remember when we broke up at the end of that tour? I don't think I put up with you too well."

It was the first time we could sit in a room like this and joke about it. It felt nice to know we'd made that kind of progress.

"Remember when almost got back together?"

"Remember the first time we met?"

"Remember the first time you asked me out?"

"Remember our first phone call?"

Nick laughed a little. "Remember our first kiss?"

"Remember when you got grounded back in Jersey and we almost died?"

"Remember when _you_ snuck out on your private jet to come to Jersey?"

"Remember your mom's face when she saw me?"

"Remember when you made that video with Mandy about Demi and Selena?"

Oh, God. The entire world remembered that.

"Remember your face when you saw me and Demi together for the first time?"

"Remember your face when we rode on the jet ski together?"

"Remember when you came to Dallas with us?"

"Remember when Joe hated me because he thought I was a bad influence?"

"Remember when we spent hours over at your house on that trampoline?" he asked. That trampoline was our meeting spot for years.

"Remember when you visited me while I was shooting the Hannah Montana movie? Remember how you hid? Remember how you thought I didn't see you?" I turned to look at his face. It was priceless. Like a ghost hit him. "Oh, wait, you probably didn't _know_ the last one."

"Remember how _you_ came to visit me on the Camp Rock premiere date? Remember how you sat outside for an hour in your car? Remember how you thought_ I_ didn't see you?"

Okay, moving off this topic of secret visits. "Remember our random dates that we did for old times sakes all through 2009?"

"Remember how we had that one night and we pretended it was 2007 again?"

"Remember when we visited my house in Tennessee together?"

"Remember how we... _reconnected_?"

"Remember how we did a lot more than just reconnecting?"

"Remember how our parents used to get our families together every Friday for dinner?"

"Remember when I sang _7 Things_ and went up to Selena for her to join at TCA's?"

"Remember how mad I was after?"

"Remember when we finally made up from 2008?"

"Remember how awkward it was to become friends again at first?" he asked as if he didn't think I would have felt it. No, even Miley Cyrus felt the awkwardness back in the beginning of 2009.

"Remember how we made it?"

"Remember Tybee?"

"Remember how we took a trip to-"

"Would you two shut up?" Demi yelled out. "I don't remember, and I don't care!"

"Remember when we didn't need to deal with her?" I asked with a smirk. I was allowed to do that. Demi was my best-friend.

He laughed a little, nodding silently. "You feeling better?"

"A lot now that you're here."

"Good."

"Remember when they refused to talk to each other?" I heard Demi ask Selena. Well, at least us pissing Demi off was distracting her from the pure hate she had towards Selena lately.

"Remember when we didn't refuse to talk to each other?"

Nick and I both looked at each other as Selena said that. I rose my eyebrows, and he stifled a laugh. Selena literally never stood up for herself or made witty comebacks, yet I was quickly seeing that she was different when she was around Demi.

"You okay, Mi?"

"Nick, I'm _fine_," I tried to convince him.

He sighed, shaking his head. "You wouldn't tell me if you weren't."

"Because I don't want you to worry like this. Trust me, okay?"

He nodded, putting a hand on my cheek as he pulled me close in order to share the blanket. He took a pillow from the couch and I knew he'd stay here whenever I needed. "I just have this weird feeling you're lying to me. Weird, right?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "It's just a twenty-four hour bug."

"Okay," he gave in, pushing hair behind my ear before stroking my cheek. He went up, kissing my temple before laying down for good, keeping his hands to himself. I wanted to grab his hand so badly right then.

He closed his eyes, not knowing I was staring at him. Right before he went to sleep, I heard him murmur and sighed at how much he cared. It made it so hard to keep things from him.

"I just hope you're okay."

**this story is fun to write. merry christmas! i hope you all got what you wanted :)**

**twitter/xwalkingonstars**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five.**

"Mi," I heard Nick's voice softly say. "Mi, c'mon. Time to wake up, Sweetie."

I rolled around before letting my eyes flutter open. "Ten minutes. Please."

"I tried to let you sleep as long as I could. C'mon, up."

I groaned, lifting myself up a little and yawning. I looked around before focusing back on a Nick. "Can we go for a walk sometime today? I really wanna talk to you like old times. I need to vent, you know?"

"That sounds amazing. After lunch and the Disney check-in, okay?"

I groaned, throwing my head back. "The Disney check-in. Shit."

"Hey, no scandals the first week. I don't think it'll be that bad for once," he smiled at me, helping me up. "Now, you're gonna hate me-"

"If I have less than ten minutes to get ready before lunch I'm gonna kill you."

"You have eleven," he clarified. I rolled my eyes at him, running back to my bunk before I headed to the bathroom.

"Next time don't let me sleep so long!" I ordered.

"Why?" He asked. "You could go looking like you are now and you'd still look fine. You have that natural beauty thing going on, Mi."

"Stop sucking up!"

"I'm not, I'm just being honest," he yelled back.

I ran around, frantically getting ready. When I finished, I went to walk back out but paused for a minute, just watching him mess around with his cell phone. I didn't want him to be my friend. We had never been just friends. It really was hard to believe that our fairytale had ended so long ago. Or at least the romantic part did.

"Ready?" I finally walked out of my corner in hiding.

He looked up, and just by that smile I knew he'd known I'd been standing there for awhile.

"All set," he laughed a little. "I bet your mom's having a lot of fun with Demi and Selena."

"They're both with her?"

"She came in earlier to ask who wanted to go explore this city," he laughed, shaking his head at the memory I'd missed. "Their telepathy must have been off because they both volunteered. And you know your mom, she's pretty insistent."

"Lunch should have good stories, huh?"

He handed me my jacket. "You wanna deal with Demi or Selena?"

"I think if I chose Selena my ass would be grass. She isn't exactly accepting of me and Selena," I sighed, shaking my head at the memory from last night. "You should have seen her last night."

"You're her best friend. She'll always forgive you."

"How do you know?" I looked up at him.

His brown eyes met mine, sparkling in the sunlight. "Because you're my best-friend too, and I'll always forgive you. You wouldn't know, but you're pretty hard to stay mad at."

"It's just 'cause I have that spark in my eye, right?" I nudged him, repeating my favorite compliment he'd ever given me and the one I most commonly made fun of him for. It was so cheesy.

He glared at me. "You have a three second head start."

"Nick, no!"

"Two."

"No!" I yelled, running away, anyway. If he wanted a game, I'd be the first to play.

"One. You're so dead!" He chased after me as we dodged around my mom and the girls.

"What are you doing, Miley?" My mom yelled. "Guys, lunch."

"One second, Mrs. Cyrus!" Nick called back, oh, so proper.

"You have thirty seconds to work it out," she called back, laughing a little. I heard her murmur to Selena and Demi how we'd be the death of her.

Nick gained speed, but so did I. The world was spinning from how fast I was going and my head was pounding but I was determined not to let him catch me.

"Miley!" His voice echoed after me.

I couldn't run anymore. It felt like the walls were closing in on me. I slowed down, and knew that Nick did too. "Mi, you okay?"

My knees gave out, but I nodded anyways. "I'm fine."

"Bullshit. What happened?"

I shook my head as I watched everyone else run over. "I'm fine. I just need food."

"Hyperglycemia kicking in again?" he sighed.

I met glances with my mom and nodded. "Yeah."

"You okay, Sweetheart?" My mom asked nervously.

"Fine," I stood up, leaning onto Demi. "Why don't we just go out to eat? I'll be good when I have food."

"Alright," my mom nodded. Selena rubbed my shoulder a little but instantly stopped when she saw the glare Demi was giving her.

"You okay?" Demi asked.

"Stop staring her down," I ordered in reply.

She let out a long breath. "Been a long morning."

"I'm surprised she's still alive."

Demi laughed, gently pushing me away. "Shut up. She's still my best-friend."

I turned to her, raising an eyebrow, but she was already looking away at her slip up. She didn't like to admit that she still cared about someone she should hate, but every now and then, around me, those types of things slipped. It's probably why we fought so often.

I looked over at Selena and just by the small grin on her face I knew she'd heard it.

"So, you and Nick were looking pretty cozy last night."

"Shut up. He's still my best-friend," I mimicked her.

"You guys are a wreck waiting to happen."

I gave her a pointed look. "We're best-friend's. Deal with it."

"Fine. But you know, we don't cuddle like that, _best-friend._"

I rolled my eyes, lightly shoving her. I looked at her seriously for a minute. Last night kept replaying in my mind, and each time I only regretted it more. I felt my voice come out in a low murmur. "I'm sorry for hitting you last night."

"It's fine. We both got out of control, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"I'm sorry for pushing you," she gave in, looking down.

"It's all good."

"It always is between us," she smiled a little. "Getting physical just proves how close we are."

I laughed. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Mi, c'mere!" Nick called out from ahead.

I ran to catch up to him without a second thought, smiling. "What?"

"That was just the hyperglycemia, right?" he looked down at me, murmuring. "I-I just wanted to make sure."

I gave him a knowing smile, guilty at the fact he kept worrying. "Yes, Nick. I'm okay."

He nodded, giving me a hug. "I'm gonna pick you up, okay?"

"What?" I felt his hands just below my ass and froze before recovering, realizing what he meant. "No-Nick!"

"Live a little!" he chuckled, carrying me as if I was a child. It wasn't a piggyback ride, nor was it bridal style, but the way you'd carry a toddler.

"Please don't drop me," I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck, my legs around his torso.

He stopped walking, letting go of me before holding me tight again.

"Nick!"

"That'll teach you to think I'd ever drop you."

"I didn't think you would-"

"Nick, please don't drop her," my mom begged, looking at me worriedly. She'd gotten a lot more protective since we'd found out about the cancer.

Nick gave me a devious look and I begged him with my eyes. "He would never drop me, right Nick?"

"_Never_," he laughed as we continued to walk down the street.

"Mom, can you pick me up?" Noah asked.

"Noah, you're eleven years old. You can walk."

My sister crossed her arms, glaring at me yet again. "But _Miley_ gets to be picked up."

"I'll pick you up, Noah," Selena threw out the offer.

My mom looked over to her. "You don't have to, she can walk."

"No, I want to. I mean, Miley gets it, right?"

She exchanged glances with me and I smiled at her. 'Thank you' I mouthed.

She nodded, picking Noah up while we walked. Demi looked between us confused, knowing something was going on and the flash of darkness came into her eyes, not knowing what.

"You wanna talk about it?" Nick whispered in my ear.

"On our walk. It's gonna be a venting session, remember? Just like old times."

"Sounds like a plan. Right after the meeting."

I nodded against his shoulder, turning my face into his neck and resting it there, closing my eyes.

"Tired?"

"Mhmm."

"We're almost to the restaurant."

"Good to know."

"You okay, Sweetie?"

I groaned into his neck. "Why do you keep asking me that?"

"Because, you have this way of lying to people."

"Mm," I sighed. "Well, this time I'm not."

:::

"Miley, Demi, Nick, Joe, Kevin, Selena, so good to see you," the Disney exec listed off. "Especially considering there's been no scandals."

"Shockingly," I muttered.

Nick gave me a look while Demi laughed, one on each side of me.

"How is everyone getting along? No fighting on the buses?"

Joe gave Demi and I a pointed look, but I just smiled. "We have it under control, most of the time."

He nodded firmly, pursing his lips while he analyzed all three of us. "Just don't make it public. And Miley, Nick, I must praise you. No song wars, for once. Very good, you two."

"You know us, best-friends," I wrapped an arm around Nick's shoulder.

He rose his eyebrows before smiling. "Good to see you two getting along again. Demi, Selena, you two getting on okay?"

"We're managing," Demi told him strictly.

"Miley's keeping us both in place," Selena smiled at him, always a little more poised, always knowing a little more of what people wanted to hear than any of us did.

"Profits are going well," he began to talk about the real business stuff and I sighed, leaning against Nick's shoulder. It was time to tune them out.

:::

I walked along the sidewalk with Nick, getting farther away from the bus before either of us started talking. It was after the show and the hotel we were staying was too busy to explore and talk, so we did the next best thing. Put on disguises and went out on a walk.

"What's going on with you and Noah?" he asked me once we turned the corner.

"I don't know."

"_Miley_," he said my name. It sounded so perfect coming out of his mouth. "I've known you for how long?"

"I don't like where this is going," I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"Five years now. And how many times have I seen you and Noah so hostile towards each other?" He paused, waiting for me to make a smartass comment, but for once I was out. "Maybe twice. But it never lasted. What's going on with you two?"

"Nick-"

"I know you told Selena, so why do you feel like you can't tell me?"

"Because I know you! You're going to deny whatever I say to make me feel better," I crossed my arms, pouting a little.

He shook his head as if that was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. "Tell me."

"Fine. Noah hates me."

"No she does-"

"_See_?" I pointed out. "You're denying it."

He scoffed. "Not to make you feel better, because that's stupid."

"Oh, gee, thanks."

"Noah looks up to you so much. Why do you think she hates you?"

"Because she's jealous that I get more attention. It's been pulling us apart for months," I looked down. "I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want her mad, but I can't just stop being famous."

"She's mad because she can't be you."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, that is the definition of jealous, isn't it?"

"You're her role model," he told me in that tone as if I should know all of this already. "She does wish she could be as big as you, and she probably is jealous, but she's only mad because she knows she'll never have your life."

"Oh, okay, well that's _so_ much better," I muttered. "I still don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do."

"You give her attention."

"I already do that," I told him.

He shook his head. "I meant _quality_ attention."

"When the hell do you think I have time for that?" I crossed my arms.

"You have plenty of time to give me quality attention," he pointed out.

Well, of course I did, but I didn't want to give up time with Nick.

"I guess," I looked ahead. "To be honest, I don't even know what to say to her anymore."

"You'll figure it out, Mi. You always do."

"It's just been so hard lately," I bit my lip, almost spilling out the past few weeks to him completely. "I hit Demi yesterday, you know?"

"What?"

"Yeah, I actually _hit_ her. She's my best-friend, and we fight all the time, sure, but I never thought about laying a hand on her before."

He smirked a little. "Well, I'm sure Demi provoked it a bit."

"That's besides the point."

"Did she hit back?"

"She shoved me, but-"

He didn't even let me finish. "Then it's even. Geez, do you flip out this much when you hit me?"

"No, because you're an ass," I pushed him a little. "If anything you're lucky I don't hit you more."

"You know, for all I do for you you sure are an annoying little pest."

"But?"

"I love you anyways," he finished.

"Well, that's more than I can say about you," I smirked.

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "After all I've put you through, the fact that you're still around means you love me too."

"Eh, I guess. Maybe a little bit. But only 'cause the rest of my life is falling apart."

He held out his fist and I lightly bumped it. "Best-friends since oh-six."

"I've missed not hanging out with you," I admitted. "Just texting you wasn't really the same."

"I know what you mean," he sighed. "I was nervous when we found out we'd have another tour together, just 'cause of the past. But I don't know why. I should have known we could handle it."

"I was too. I was just so worried because we'd never been _just_ friends before. But it's easier than I thought. It's working out. We make pretty good best-friends."

"Yeah. I guess we do."

"I like us as best-friends," I lied to him. "I mean, compare last tour to this tour."

"I'd have to say this tour is better," he agreed.

"How about you and Selena? You guys alright?"

He smiled, nodding. "Yeah, we're really good. It's like nothing changed. Other than the fact that you and her are suddenly friends."

"Yeah, surprise," I tried to joke about it, but for some reason it was obvious that it was bugging everyone.

He shook his head. "I'm not gonna force you to tell me, but we all know there's something bigger going on, okay? And we're all worried about it."

"I'm-"

"Don't apologize. Don't. You shouldn't feel guilty, baby."

I froze, looking up at him as he unwrapped his arms from me, both of us pausing.

"So, yeah. Um... yeah, I don't even know what to say to that, _baby_."

His face turned red as he watched me joke about it. I didn't want to make a joke over it all, because it mattered, but when something was awkward, or a situation was happening that I wanted to block out, that's just what I did.

"We need Joe here to sing his awkward thing."

"Oh, _God. _Anything but Joe. That boy's almost as crazy that you," I smiled at him.

He nodded. "Oh, yeah. You know me, party animal."

I laughed, stopping and turning around, beginning to at least start walking back.

Nick obliged and chuckled to himself a bit before turning to me. "Did I ever tell you how Selena said she always thought I was a quiet guy, even after she'd known me in person for awhile, until she saw me with you?"

"Really?" I asked. But he was quiet. That's what made him so sexy, his quiet, shy vibe he always had going on. Even when I was thirteen that was what made me fall for him. "Silly Selena. I could never get you to shut up."

"Because we disagree so much that I always have something to say."

"Maybe. Or maybe I'm just a bad influence on you," I tested him.

He rose his eyebrows, looking down at me. "Or maybe I am on you."

"You? Name one thing you've ever done that's bad."

"I pulled the neck of my shirt down at this concert once, and everyone saw my nipple."

"Did your management care?"

He paused. "No."

"Did you have people hating on you online?"

"Nah, they thought it was hot."

"Did Disney call a meeting with you to discuss it?"

"Well, no, but-"

"My point has been proven."

He scoffed. "Well, see, that's because _I_ don't go out of my way to piss Disney off."

"I'm expressing myself."

He looked down before looking back up at me. "Then what about now? Where are the short-shorts?"

I shrugged. The truth was, I felt like he deserved better than a slut – even if we were just friends – but there wasn't exactly a way to tell him that. I didn't even have an excuse to make this time. So I stayed quiet and he nodded a little.

"Exactly," he leaned closer to my ear, almost whispering. "You see, you can wear whatever you want, smoke as many bongs as you want – legal or illegal, and you can even go clubbing if you want, but here's the thing, you're still that same girl you started off as."

I looked down, biting my lip. No, he was wrong. I refused to listen to this.

"You'll never be a slut, or druggie, or whore, or whatever else badass things you let the media think you are. Not to me at least. Because you're _Miley_. And after all this time you're still standing in front of me, hiding your heart from everything, and being the same exact person you were four years ago," he told me. "You haven't fooled me a bit, kid."

I wiped my eyes, looking up at him, still determined not to let the tears fall. I knew he saw them though. "How can you say that when everyone else is so disappointed?"

"Because none of them know you like I do," he answered, grabbing my hand for the first time. It didn't matter if we were just friends. This was fucking Heaven. "You can fool anyone else out there and feel like the shit, but you will _never_ fool me."

I nodded, laughing a little. "Nothing's really changed between us then, huh?"

He shook his head, agreeing. "Never forget that."

**i feel like this chapter was too jumpy, but had to update something today... happy thursday! (;**

**thoughts? suggestions? hate mail? it's allll goood.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"Hey, Noah," I smiled, but the best I got was her looking at me before looking back down to her cell phone. "What are you doing?"

She scoffed. "What are _you _doing?"

"Trying to talk to you," I replied, begging for her to just listen to me for once.

"Why? It's not like you care."

I sighed, closing my eyes. I had to make this work. "I'm your sister."

"That means nothing when you're a superstar first."

I put a hand on her forehead, turning it to look at me. "No, I am your sister first. I will always be your sister first. Got it?"

"Words don't mean much with you," she looked away again, texting someone else. "You don't exactly stick to them very often."

"When have I ever not stuck to my word?" I challenged.

She rolled her eyes as if I was the stupid one. "I've watched your interviews, you know?"

Of course. Something else related to fame. This was why Brandi and I got along so well – she didn't care how famous I was. Noah, she always has. It's not like we've ever had the best relationship, but when she's so obsessed with who gets the biggest poster – not to mention, I set standards pretty high when it comes to selling out stadiums – she'll always be disappointed.

"You aren't an interview, you're my sister."

"Since when?"

"Since that time when you were little and bit me, brat."

I almost caught her smile. "Okay, I'll only talk to you if I get to ask the questions," she grinned up at me and I knew I had her back in the palm of my hand.

"Deal."

"Why are you and Demi so off-and-on this tour?"

"Aren't we always?"

She shook her head, eyes wide. "I thought it was as bad as it got in LA, but you two are gonna kill each other."

"She's mad because I've been hanging out with Selena."

She started laughing and I swear it was the first time I heard that laugh in months. "You and _Selena_?"

"Yeah."

"_Selena_?" she asked again. "Like, Gomez?"

"Yes, Noah. She's the only one who knows about... you know."

"The cancer?"

I nodded a little. "Yeah."

"You scared?"

I shrugged. "Not really."

"Liar."

"I'll be fine."

"Nick tried getting me to tell him what was wrong with you," she announced. I suddenly looked up, pretty interested in this one. "He even offered me money."

I think my eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "What?"

"Yeah. He said any reasonable sum. I told him two million as a joke, but he totally would have given it to me. He took out the checkbook and everything."

"You didn't tell him?"

"Would I ever betray you like that?"

"Of course not," I smiled, still confused. I'd have thought she'd sell me out in a second. "That boy is desperate to know what's going on."

"It's not like you'd be any different with him," Noah pointed out. "I think he still loves you."

"Really? I'd love that conclusion if you weren't eleven," I smiled softly. "If I tell you something, you promise not tell?"

"Promise."

"He called me baby the other night," I confided. "I really liked it."

Noah shook her head. "You two are crazy for each other."

"No, we're a wreck."

"_No_, you're in love."

I nodded a little. "It's pretty tragic."

"Only 'cause you won't tell him."

I shook my head. If only she'd understand. "I've used up all my chances with him."

"What about Tybee?"

I snapped my head to look at her, my eyes wide. "Who told you about Tybee!"

"No one. I just figured something big happened there with how hush-hush everyone is about it. And I was right. Now to figure out what it was..."

"_Don't_." I didn't want her to know what happened there. It should have been considered a mistake, but it definitely wasn't.

"I don't wanna know," she gave up.

"Hey, you wanna come on with me tonight for a few songs?" I asked, ready to finally win her over.

She lit up, smiling and nodded. "Yeah!"

"I'll work it out with mom later. Who you texting?"

"Nick."

I furrowed my eyebrows. Since when did he have Noah's number? He didn't mention the fact that they were on a texting basis last night. "What about?"

"You."

"What about me?" I smiled, worrying a little, but not caring. He was talking about me, meaning I was on his mind about as much as he was on mine.

"Everything. You don't even know how much texts me about you. It's almost annoying," she rolled her eyes, replying. "Is she okay? What's wrong with her? Is she dealing with breaking up with Liam okay? Yes, Nick. I'm not telling you. She doesn't care. Kay, bye."

I laughed, pulling out my phone.

_So, I hear you talk to my sister about me a lot._

He replied almost instantly.

**_What are you talking about? I only talk to her sunday, saturday, and all the days in between._**

I shook my head. This kid... he'd be the death of me, but I couldn't help but love him.

_Oh, sorry. My source must be going crazy. You can never find reliable ones._

**_I know, I know. Drives me crazy too._**

_Ha, yeah. Whatsup?_

**_With Sel. You?_**

I sighed, and I couldn't help but feel that sinking feeling in my heart. Selena. Selena. Always the girl who I never considered a threat, but would always be one. The girl who was also my friend now, but it was so hard not to be jealous. I wondered if she ever felt the same way.

_With Noah._

**_Work it all out?_**

_Were fly like a g6._

**_Hahaha, you're so lame._**

_& you can't help but love it._

**_More than you know, Mi. _**

I smiled, happy enough with that message to stop texting him. I looked up and suddenly Demi was in the room, too, talking to Noah. I walked over to them and knew by the way they both smirked at me I was in for it.

"You were pretty out of it there," Demi told me. "I wonder who she could have possibly been texting."

"I think she told me. His name starts with like, a N or M or something?" Noah fed into it.

"Mick, rick... No. Vick!"

"No, that's not it," Noah sighed.

"Alright, guys. Stop with the Nick jokes. I admitted I liked him, already."

"Nick! That's it," Demi smiled at me, patting the table for me to sit next to her. "You guys all in love again?"

"Oh, of course," I scoffed. "He's with Selena dimwit."

"But he's not _with_ her. I'm sure there's a reason he hasn't asked her out," Noah put in her opinion.

"He probably pities Selena. She's kinda friendless lately." I shook my head at her and she rolled her eyes. "Would you cut the nice act and just agree for once?"

I sighed. "I can't. That's not fair, because I remember when that was me and _you_ were the only one talking to me. Selena was talking behind my back like this while the boys listened."

"Yeah, you could have won us all back with an apology," Joe walked in, smiling. "We all just like you more."

"Well, that makes me feel bad. I've always been a Sprouse brothers type of girl."

He laughed, going over to Demi and wrapping his arms around her. I coughed. "What is going on here, _Demi_?"

"If you don't shut-"

"She's just being Miley," Joe reminded with a smile.

I shook my head. "Oh, she has so much payback after last night."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't try to hide things."

"Or maybe I should trust you enough to hide them."

"What'd she try to hide?" Joe asked confused.

Demi rolled her eyes. "She tried to keep her medical condition away from Nick, because she had the stomach flu last night."

Joe laughed, shaking his head at me as if I was some senseless, silly little kid. "He would've figured out you're sick, anyways. Have you not heard about his constant texting over you?"

"Wait, he's been texting you too?"

"_Everyone,_" Joe grinned, stupidly. "Your old friends, new ones, obsessively texting these two."

"I am like, this close to asking your mom to take away his texting privileges," Demi told him.

"Don't!" I shouted and Joe looked at me with a smirk. We both knew what would happen if anyone told Denise Nick was being so over-protective about me.

"For Miley's sake, don't," Joe agreed.

Demi looked at us both confused. "Why?"

"Because then she'd get involved and start asking questions, too."

"And Miley can't lie to my mom, so she'd be screwed," Joe smirked.

I shook my head, laughing a little. Demi looked down and I hesitated. She wasn't right lately. There was something wrong with her. She was my best-friend and I knew these things. She was hurting over something, and the way she glanced up at me couldn't lead me to any other conclusion but the idea it was me.

:::

"Grey's Anatomy?" Demi asked, flipping through the boxed DVD sets of TV seasons we had on the bus.

"Sure," I shrugged, slightly tired. I'd been to chemo again earlier and it wasn't getting any easier, unfortunately. I didn't understand why something that was so hurtful had to hurt so bad.

"You okay?"

She looked over to me, her eyebrows furrowed. "Me? Yeah, why?"

I shrugged. "You just seem upset lately."

"A lot of things have been changing," she explained.

"Like what?"

She shook her head. "Don't worry about it."

"Tell me," I protested, going to sit next to her on the couch. "C'mon, we're best-friends, spill, Dem." She just looked at me and I knew what she meant. "Like me."

"No, not exactly _you_. Just... us," she rolled her eyes. "Things feel different between us. Like, we're getting split apart. Look, it's whatever. No biggie."

"N-"

"Forget I said anything," she instructed. No way I was doing that.

"Hey, hey. Dem, c'mon, it's not stupid," I murmured, putting a hand on each cheek. "We aren't getting torn apart. I will always be there, okay?"

"I know," she told me.

"No, you're having doubts," I corrected. "After the past year, you still don't believe in me?"

"It's not that, it's just hard, Miley!" she closed her eyes. "Trust is hard for me."

And I wasn't exactly making it easy to trust me with the disappearing acts this tour.

"Remember last year when you were on tour with Nick and you were so scared because you felt like your life was falling apart so we just stayed up all night talking about what to do?" I asked. She nodded. "I was never so scared of losing someone in my life," I admitted.

She smiled a little. "More scared than losing Nick?"

I nodded, avoiding eye contact. Demi and I didn't do these deep conversations. It just wasn't us. "I-I didn't know what you were gonna do, and that's why I was so happy the next day when you said you were taking care of it and going to Chicago to work it all out. I was trying to think of a way I could be there. I didn't sleep that night, I was so worried you'd do something. "

"You never told me that," Demi grinned. "I never really got to thank you for everything you did those few weeks. It was hard for you too, and I wasn't there to help you like I should have been, but you always had my back."

"It's fine," I smiled. "I was just – okay, you need to swear not to tell _anyone_ if I tell you this, okay?"

"Oh, boy. You got it."

"I literally started crying when I heard you dropped out of that tour. I was bawling for like, an hour then on set I would every now and then, and it got to the point where they finally sent me home it was so bad," I laughed. "Anyway, my mom thought something was super wrong, so she called Nick to have him call me a and figure out what was wrong. And he of course was flipping out only to figure out it's about you and how happy I was you'd be okay and – God, I was a wreck."

Demi laughed, tilting her head to the side. "Why didn't you ever tell me any of this?"

I shrugged. "It never came up."

"I wish I could be that happy about you, but, you know... You don't tell anyone anything," she muttered, looking away. "Seriously, what the hell is going on with you lately?"

"Nothing," I repeated. She gave me a pointed look and I sighed. "I'm fine, Demi. I _promise_."

"Have I ever told you what I think the best part of having a best-friend is?" Demi asked me.

I rose my eyebrows, smiling. "That you get me as a best-friend?"

"No, that I can tell them everything," she breathed in, smiling. "Or better yet, that they can tell me everything. But wait, _my_ best-friend doesn't do that."

Her voice flatlined as I gulped. She was beginning to get mad over all this secret keeping. And I saw it in her eyes, I saw exactly what she was doing. She was testing me to lie to her again. I could almost see her grading me, pass or fail.

"What are you talking about, Demi? I tell you everything."

"Then where were you this morning?" she asked, standing up to meet my level.

"Don't do this."

"Oh, okay. New question? I have plenty. What was so big that it made you and Selena actually get along and mean it? I-I just don't understand, Miley."

"I-Demi, stop it. You're being ridiculous."

"Make me _understand_," she begged. She was actually begging, and it still didn't change anything. I couldn't. No matter what I said - even if I told her the truth, she would never understand this.

"I can't."

"We all know you're hiding something, okay? And we're all fucking worried about you but you could care less. You're too wrapped up in being independent and mysterious!" She shook her head. "All I want are some answers. I gave you some, maybe you should think of doing the same for once."

She stormed off to her bunk, angrily snapping the curtain closed. I closed my eyes, following her silently. I didn't know how to say it, though. How to save myself from seeing her eyes fall at the news. I shook my head, it didn't matter. She had to know.

"I have cancer," I told her once I pulled the curtain back.

Her head snapped up, whipping to mine. "What?"

"You asked what I wasn't telling you. I have cancer."

"Miley, this isn't funny," Demi hissed.

"Oh, you think I'm joking?" I asked harshly as Selena's curtain was pulled back and she hopped off her bunk. "You think I'm fucking joking? Oh, yeah, because I just love joking about this stuff, right?"

"C'mon, Miley," Selena gently pushed me into the next room.

"Tell me, Demi? Why would I fucking lie to you about this?" I asked her softly before listening to Selena and leaving, sitting on the couch while Selena hugged me. I didn't want to start crying, but the tears came down and I couldn't stop them anymore.

It was all out in the open now.

**i feel like this chapter was jumpy too. oh well, this can be a jumpy story:) hahah, tell me what you thought? **

**happy martin luther king hangover day! i had no schoool again (;**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

"You aren't going on today, Mi," Nick sighed as I quickly sat up from the nap I was taking. I wasn't sure who he thought he was, but he definitely wasn't calling the shots.

"What the hell? Yes I am," I fought. I'd been stressed out all day and this was my only release of my worries.

"Mi, you're burning up. I talked to both our parents and we all agree you should sit out a night," he explained. Damn him. He could've woke me up to tell me he thought I was sick before he let our parents in on this.

"I was just tired, I'm fine now."

He gave me a disproving look. "Miley, you aren't going out there. I don't care what you say. You're sick."

"It's a little fever, I'm fine!"

"You can barely talk!" he shot back at my voice that was cracking every now and again. "Now, tomorrow if you're this sick you can go out there, but today I think you should take a day off."

"I am a mature adult now-"

"Then start acting like it. You aren't superwoman. Sit down, and don't perform tonight."

"You're overreacting. It is just a fever. I can sing fine! They won't care," I argued. "Please, Nick!"

"No, Miley. No."

"Fine," I gave in, turning away from him and laying down. "Asshole."

"Hey," he came closer, stroking my hair. "I just want what's best for you. And I know that you're hiding something huge, and whatever it is I have a feeling is causing all these health issues. But just because I care doesn't make me an asshole."

I closed my eyes. I still hadn't talked to Demi yet about last night. I switched to Nick's bus when we stopped for gas and avoided her ever since. I just, didn't want to be the friend who was in trouble. That's never been me before, especially not with Demi. I'd always been the strong one.

"I want to go out," I growled.

"I _know_ you do," Nick told me. "We all want you out there, too-"

"Then let me go!"

"_But_ we want you healthy first. Tomorrow, okay? I promise. And we can sit on your tourbus all night tonight and watch movies until you feel better."

"Okay. Fine. Go."

"Mi-"

"Leave, Nicholas. I'll see you when you're done performing."

He sighed, walking out when I used the full name card. I counted to ten before I took the blanket off of me, checking to make sure my make-up still looked alright. I added another coat of lipstick before quickly leaving my dressing room. There was no way I wasn't going to perform tonight.

I heard Demi close her song which meant the Jonas' were on right now. All I had to do was avoid anyone from the Jonas' including the manager and my mom. Then, I should be good. I went to my backup dancers who were all obviously bummed and shook my head.

"Hey, you guys ready?"

"I thought-Nick said we weren't going on. He said you were sick."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Nick is full of over exaggerations. Do I look sick? C'mon. Let's get ready."

They all shrugged as I carefully avoided my mom and went to tell the lighting and sound it was a false alarm and I was going on.

"And, tonight Miley-" Joe began to explain how I wasn't going on.

"Now," I ordered into my headset as the first song started playing.

I rose up onto the stage, going over to hug each of the brothers. Nick squeezed me a little too hard, growling. "What are you doing? I told you you weren't going out."

"I'm giving people something to talk about."

He glared at me as Joe and Kevin ushered him off the stage and I knew I'd better have my fun now because later tonight I'd be in for it.

"How's everybody doing tonight!" I yelled, smiling at the rush I felt. This was so worth getting yelled at for. "Ready for a good time!"

I looked off to the side of the stage at everyone else's expression and bit my lip. I'd better make this performance worth it.

:::

"Miley Ray Cyrus, what were you thinking?" my mom came up to me as I walked off stage, her arms crossed. "We told you no performing tonight."

"And I wanted to perform!"

"Sometimes, you need to trust that we know what we're talking about! No means no. Especially in your condition," she ranted.

"What condition? I'm fine!"

"Miley Ray, you know. And the next time you pull a stunt like that you'll be done with tour. This is your only warning, got it?"

I nodded, rolling my eyes and continuing to my dressing room. I just had to avoid Nick now. His lectures were the worst. I looked around cautiously, not minding all the disappointed gazes, as long as I didn't feel his.

I ran in, slamming the door shut and locking it before giving a small triumphant smile.

"Who ya hiding from?" I heard. My face fell and I opened my eyes, wincing a bit. "I mean, hopefully not me, 'cause I'm ready to _strangle_ you."

"Look, Nick-"

"What were you _thinking_?" he asked.

"Okay, I know it probably looks like I did something stupid-"

"Because you did. I trusted you not to go out there, Mi. Just go change. We can finish this on the bus."

I sighed, grabbing my sweats and T-shirt from the couch and slamming the bathroom door shut. It was my life, not his, damn it. Fuck off.

I came out a good five minutes later and he was still there. He stood up, and we walked to the bus in silence. He had me wait while he ran in to get an extra pair of clothes. But the second we stepped on my bus he grabbed my arm, gently dragging me to the couch and sitting me down.

"Why'd you do that?"

"Because I wanted to perform," I growled.

"Well you can't always get everything you want!" he shot back.

"I know, but you were all being stupid! I performed and nothing happened," I crossed my arms, leaning back.

"Do you not care that you're sick?" he asked. "Sometimes you need to realize that you have to sit out a night."

"I know your insulin levels are too low to perform sometimes, but _you_ still go out there," I rose my eyebrows. "How's this any different?"

"Because I can take it easy those nights and my brothers are there out there to cover for me if I have an emergency. You just don't get how much-"

"I get it, alright? I just don't really care."

"Yeah, well, I _do."_

"It's over now, so can we please just drop it?"

"Fine, you know what, whatever. Have it your way again," he rolled his eyes. I looked down. I hated him being mad at me. It was the worst feeling in the world.

"Nick, wait," I stood up, going after him as he stormed into the kitchen. I put a hand on his arm, trying to turn him around. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to make you feel so betrayed."

"I just care about you so much. I don't want to see anything happen," he sighed. I looked down, nodding a little, beginning to be disappointed in myself. Only Nick could make this happen, me hating them one second then hating myself for not listening to them the next. "C'mere," he opened his arms, letting me step in them while he held me the way he used to for a few seconds.

"I know you care, but it's okay, alright? I'm fine," I smiled. "C'mon, let's have our movie marathon. You make popcorn, I'll pick the chick flick."

"Yay, a chick flick," he grimaced, going to start the popcorn. "You want extra butter?"

"Of course!" I yelled back. "Dem, Sel, we're having a movie night if you guys wanna join."

"What are you watching?"

"_The Proposal_, and stuff like that."

I heard them getting out of their bunks and knew they'd be joining us.

"Make another bag, bud."

He sighed. "On it. Do they want extra butter?"

"Ew," Demi mumbled. "Fattening."

"No thanks," Selena gave him a weak smile, almost apologizing with her eyes for her ex-best-friend's behavior.

"Have it your way," he grinned. "Mi, catch."

I turned around, catching the Lemonade and Mountain Dew he threw, putting it down before catching his Diet Coke and Lemonade.

"Would you two ladies like anything to drink?"

"Water, please," Selena requested.

Nick nodded, throwing me a bottle before we both looked to Demi. She looked at me with sad eyes before snapping out of it. "Mountain Dew."

He threw it to me again and I handed it to Demi. She rose her eyebrows. "You guys do this often, huh?"

"We had a lot of movie nights on the first tour."

"_Too_ many."

"Shut up," I laughed. "It was the only time you weren't angry."

"We'll take the floor. You guys can sit on the couches," Nick told them.

I nodded, going to get the pillows to lay down on with my blanket. He followed me back to the bunks and I gave him a look before he threw me a sweatshirt. _His_ sweatshirt. I smiled.

"You seemed upset earlier, so I figured these always cheered you up before," he scratched the back of his neck nervously. "I just - you don't have to wear it if you don't want to."

I shook my head, putting it on before kissing his cheek. I would have done anything to make out with him right then. "Thank you, Nick."

"You know you're my favorite," he grinned, taking the pillows from me and letting me stay back and put on the sweatshirt. I changed into Soffe shorts with it before walking back out, laying down the blanket, putting another large one on top of it.

"Let's start this," Nick handed one large bowl of popcorn for Demi and Selena to share while we got the other 'fattening' bowl. I was surprised they were sharing a couch but shrugged. At least Demi wasn't attacking her yet.

"Okay," I pressed play, grabbing some popcorn and opening the Lemonade first.

:::

Demi was the only one there when I got up and she was slowly picking everything up from last night up. There was quite a mess. I sat up, looking around.

"Where's Nick and Selena?" I asked, speaking the first real words to her in two days.

"They went out for breakfast," she told me.

I looked down, nodding a little. They were gonna get together soon. I could almost feel it. The way he'd been spending so much quality time with her lately. And now he took her out for breakfast... I was getting replaced. By her. Again.

"Are we really gonna pretend like the other night didn't happen?" she asked.

I shrugged. Yeah, I was kinda hoping for that. "I dunno."

"Miley, how can you act like this isn't a big deal?"

"Because if I start to think it is I'm going to get scared!" I shot back at her.

She shook her head. "Why don't you try feeling something for once?" she asked me, crossing her arms. "How could you not tell me? How could you let Selena know and not tell me?"

"She found out on her own," I tried to explain. But it didn't cut it, nothing could save her from feeling hurt this time.

"But I'm your best friend," she cried. "How come I wasn't good enough?"

"You were, I just-"

"Who else knows?"

"Just my family, I swear," I begged, trying to keep her from getting upset.

"And Nick?"

I shook my head. "And he isn't gonna find out. Please, Demi. If you love me at all, don't tell him."

"Miley-"

"_Please_," I repeated. I didn't want him to know. He was the one person who I hoped wouldn't find out until it's over.

"He's worried sick about you," she informed me. As if I didn't know, as if I could forget that detail for even a second.

"But he'll only be more worried if he knows the truth."

"Miley, you don't need to do this alone," she told me.

"I know, and that's why I have you, and my family, even Selena. I just... Not a word to Nick, okay?"

She hesitated, but eventually she nodded. "If you're so sure."

"I am."

"This is your _third_ chance. I don't want to see it ruined." she warned. "Don't screw it up, Mi,"

I rolled my eyes. Nick couldn't stay mad at me if he tried.

"Alright, I won't."

"What is she gonna screw up?" Nick asked, walking in with Selena.

"Nothing," I spoke up before Demi could. She made eye contact with me and nodded, and I knew that she wouldn't tell anyone.

"Well, c'mon, sick chick, we're playing wiffle ball," Nick smiled. "You too, Dems."

I groaned. "I don't wanna play."

"Why not?"

I shrugged. "Because."

"C'mon, you've been bragging about how good you are for months now. You have to," he grinned at me.

"Nick, stop. She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to," Demi snapped at him.

I whipped around to face her, my eyes wide. No, she can't snap at Nick like that. Not just because he'll be hurt, but because he'll know something's up and the last thing I need is him pressuring Demi to tell him.

"It's fine, I'll play," I pushed Nick out, shooting Demi a look.

"You can play if you want, Dems," Nick shrugged.

Demi walked over, nodding a little, obviously unhappy that I'd decided to play. "Fine, let's go. But I'm on Miley's team."

Nick laughed, walking out with me. "Don't mess with her," I lectured, watching the ideas go through his head.

He shook his head. "I have to." He smirked, walking over to the big group. "Hey, guys, Demi doesn't want to be on the same team as Miley whatsoever."

"I'm gonna fucking kill you-"

I held her back, glaring at Nick while he just laughed at her.

"Where's Sel?" I asked, looking around.

Nick shrugged. "I guess Taylor's came in to visit. She's picking her up."

"Swift?"

"The one and only."

I looked at Demi as she tilted her head, a small smirk on her face. "Now this should be fun."

"She's coming on tour with us?"

"Sounds like a blast right?" Joe asked. "Hey, at least she's not staying on our bus."

"She's staying on our bus?" I hissed. "And Selena didn't think to tell us this?"

"She thought you'd say no," Nick told me.

I could have hit someone. "Damn right I would. I fucking hate her."

"Did she just say she hated someone?" Joe double-checked.

"Mi-"

"Oh, this is the best day of my life," Demi seemed to be the only one happy. "Next time I say a mean comment about Selena I don't wanna hear a word."

"Why do you hate Taylor? I thought you guys were always friends," Kevin noted.

Nick turned to him, shaking his head not to ask me while Demi actually explained it to everyone. "She won't say why or what Taylor did. To anyone. So, while you, like everyone else have most likely never wanted to know something more than you want to know why Miley would hate someone, asking is pointless."

"How long has this fight been going on for?" Joe was so lost and confused. "I thought you guys were still best-friends."

I laughed at him. Silly kid. "Let's just say a certain song everyone thinks is about Camilla is really about me."

"Which one?"

I rolled my eyes at the stupidity of the lyrics, mocking her. "There is nothing she does better than revenge."

Joe held back a laugh while Nick sent him a glare. "Let's play. Me, Miley, Frankie, Demi, Garbo against Joe, Kevin, Noah, Brit, and Dani."

Joe nodded, taking the ball from Nick. "You're batting first, kid."

Demi went up first as Joe just smiled at her. "I'm not going easy on you, you know?"

Demi smiled. "Good. You don't have to. It'll be funner if we beat you fair and square."

:::

We all stood around the arena, dressed and ready to go out when Selena finally walked out, a hideous blond giant following her. The same person Selena liked to call her best-friend.

"Hey, guys," Sel smiled, coming to stand next to me. I gave her a small side hug as everyone said hi to Taylor. I felt her eyes rest on me, waiting for me to say something. I refused.

"Hey, Miley," she finally made the first move.

My jaw clenched. "Taylor."

"How's the illegal drug deals coming? I mean, I'm assuming you're a dealer by now."

"Not so loud," I hushed her. "People might hear you. You know, us _drug dealers_ don't like attention. We're not famewhores like _some_ people."

"Oh, no," she looked my outfit up and down. "Just sluts."

I went to make a move at that pretty little face of hers with that pretty curly hair but felt someone holding me back before I could make a move anywhere.

I glanced back, seething. "Demetria, let me go. I'm gonna kick her ass."

"No, calm down-"

"Aw, I forgot. The two opposites are together. The naïve one, who everyone loves and then the emo one, who no one ever stays around for."

I fought harder to break out of Demi's grasp after that. She did_ not_ just criticize Demi. I was ready to break her nose. But it was no use fighting, because Demi let go right away.

"Hit her _hard_," she hissed.

I ran for it, pushing her and grabbing her hair but Nick got to me before I was able to do anything else. I wasn't letting go, though.

"Ow," Taylor complained.

Nick grabbed my cheeks with one hand, trying to pull me away with the other. "Miley, let go. Now."

"Let me at her-"

"If you don't let go in the next three seconds, I will tell everyone about your little secret," I heard Selena's voice softly whisper in my ear. How _dare _she stick up for her. I don't care if they were best fucking friends, that was a bitchy move even from her. It's a move I would've expected in 2008, but not now, not here. I let go right away, standing up straight and glaring at her.

"Finally. Nick, train your bitch, will you?"

My glare just increased at Selena. "You brought her, you handle her. Until she's gone we are _not_ friends, got it?"

I pushed past her as Joe and Demi followed me while Selena, Nick, and Kevin stayed over by Taylor.

Joe hugged me while Demi tried to keep me from completely going off.

"I can't believe she just said that."

"I told you I fucking hate her, fucking bitch, fucking-"

"Calm down, okay? She wants to get to you."

"Yeah, well she is," I growled at Joe.

"Look, I don't know what happened-"

"I'll tell you, and don't you dare tell Nick who's over there flirting with that idiot who brought the bitch here," I hissed.

They both nodded and I continued.

"What happened was Taylor decided to start taking sides. She took Selena's. She said I was too hung up on Nick, that we never loved each other. I called her out about you, Joe. She went fucking psycho on me but then decides to start insulting Nick. She was like 'he's such a dick. He was a total ass to you but oh, wait, he's the only guy you'll ever really deserve because you're so... well, you know.' And then went on to Demi all 'she's a depressed bitch. Joe broke up with me too, but I didn't go crazy because of it.' _Then _she moved onto my fucking little sister," I ranted.

I turned, glaring at Taylor one last time. "Then she basically named the few people I would actually give it all for, insulting them. I fucking hate her so much. That self-obsessed whore… I swear to God-"

"And why does she hate you so much?" Demi asked.

"I didn't just take it! I threw the same shit back at her about Selena and Abigail and Taylor Lautner!"

"Calm down, Mi," Joe gently massaged my back as I looked up at him.

"Your bus tonight? Please?"

He laughed. "You think I trust you to share a bus with her for a night? You're definitely on our bus tonight."

"Uh, I don't wanna share either," Demi complained.

Joe gave her a look. "When don't you go where Miley goes?"

I broke out in a smile and Demi followed suit as I hugged Joe, looking up at him. "I haven't slept on your bus yet all tour. This is gonna be so much fun. Demi, get ready for the best night of tour. Remember how fun these nights were last tour? Oh, my, God, I'm so excited."

They both laughed while I rambled. "We're gonna watch movies, and – Kevin and Dani have to be there too! Tell them, okay?"

Joe nodded, grinning a bit.

"And don't tell Nick. Let him have a damn surprise. Asshole."

He grimaced, wrapping his arm around be a little tighter. "C'mon. You need to remember how much time he spends with you. He probably knows-"

"He was on a date with her this morning," I crossed my arms.

Joe sighed, wrapping his arms around me like the big brother he was. "He's trying to move on, Mi."

"Yeah, well…"

He nodded. "I know. It's hard."

It wasn't easy to watch him move on. I didn't like it, I didn't want to be here to watch him physically be all over Selena. I didn't want to watch myself get replaced a second time.

This tour was beginning to be just like the other one… Full of disappointments.

**this was kind of a filler... hope you liked it:)**

**ps, my birthdays on wednesdayy. im pretty pumped (: felt the need to share.**

**oh, and sorry if this was too long... i didn't realize until now.  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight.**

"The party don't start 'til I walk in," I sang, walking onto the boys' tourbus before throwing my bags down by the couch and sitting next to Joe.

"You just never stop singing do you?"

"Never," I repeated, smiling. "Where is everyone?"

"Nick is talking to Kevin about personal issues he's supposedly going through," he rolled his eyes. "The kid is gay."

"I'm pretty sure he's not," I smirked.

Demi rolled her eyes while Joe just smiled. "Nothing's happened yet, huh?"

I shook my head. And nothing will happen. Because he's still in love with Selena. "We're just friends, Joe."

He traded a look with Demi, nodding a little before smiling. "Yeah, okay."

"We _are_. Besides, he has a thing for Sel."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Sure," I played it off as nothing again. I had to be okay with it. There wasn't really another option.

"Miley," Kevin walked out. "Nick wants to talk to you."

"Get some, girl," Joe held back a laugh. But the look Kevin sent him was enough to make me nervous. That wasn't a good look.

I went to the back of the bus, not quite sure where he would be. I looked in the bunks but then decided to keep going. I checked the first private room before the second, peering in and holding my breath.

He stared out the window, deep in thought about something. I watched him for awhile before making my way in, slowly walking closer.

"Kevin said you wanted me."

He jumped, turning around quickly before settling on me, sinking and slouching.

"Hey, Mi."

"What's up?"

"I-I just wanted to ask you something."

"Alright," I shrugged, sitting on the bed and crossing my legs while he did the same.

He looked down, playing with his hands before focusing on me again. "I wanted to make sure that it's okay with you before… I'm thinking of asking Selena out again, but I – Our friendship is perfect right now and if it'll ruin it-"

"Go ahead," I said simply. But inside, my heart shattered.

"Yeah? Really?"

"Sure. You guys seem to really be getting on well, I don't see why not."

I expected him to be happy with that answer but he sighed, shaking his head. "You're wearing your lying eyes."

"No, I'm just surprised, that's all. You usually don't fall this quick," I lied again. He bought it this time.

"You think she'll say yes?"

"You _are_ Nick Jonas. I doubt anyone would say no."

His eyes flickered for a moment before he chuckled. "Thanks. You have your eyes on any guys?"

I sighed. I'm pretty sure I've had my eye on one particular guy for the past five years now. But I wouldn't tell him that. Because he's still hung up over stupid fucking Selena Gomez. And the worst part was I could see why he was so in love with her. She's a Barbie for crying out loud, she's _perfect._

"One, but it doesn't matter anyways. He doesn't like me back."

Nick grinned. "But you're Miley Cyrus."

"I know, but I don't think he really cares about that anymore," I shrugged the pain away.

He shook his head, a glimmer in his eyes. "Then he doesn't deserve you. I mean, everyone knows you'reworth more than any other girl out there."

I let out a smile. If only he knew.

"See? I told Kevin you'd be cool with it and he totally flipped on me about how insensitive I was when I told him about Sel."

I forced out a laugh, wishing that he'd doubt me just so that he would read me carefully enough to see that I was lying through my teeth. I was still in love with him. If I was more than any other girl why couldn't he just choose me for once?

"C'mon. Let's go with everyone else."

I nodded, following him out of the room. Everyone was waiting for us, obviously informed by Kevin of what was going on. Nick just smirked, thinking he knew me so much better than Kevin. "Told you she wouldn't mind."

All three of them shifted their gazes to me, then back to Nick, back to me.

"Is there a problem?" I finally scoffed.

They all quickly began shaking their heads.

"Where's Dani?" I asked, changing the subject.

"She wanted to help the crew clean up. She's coming in a few minutes."

"Good, I feel like I haven't seen her at all this tour," I sat next to Demi and pulled out my phone.

She looked at me, but I ignored her until she turned away. Why did it always have to be Selena?

:::

"Mi, you still up?" Joe whispered.

"Yeah."

"Me too."

"I figured," I laughed a little. "What's up?"

"I'm sorry that Nick-"

"It's fine," I interrupted him. I didn't want to talk about. I rolled over, looking at the couch next to mine where he was laying, faintly seen in the darkness.

"No it's not. I don't know why he's doing this."

I did. Because he'd finally moved on. I hadn't, though, and I refused to show it, but this was killing me inside.

"How are you and Demi?" I smiled.

He tried to hold it back but that grin came out. I reflected it. "Somehow, she forgave me, Mile. And I – do you know how amazing that feels?"

I just smiled at him for a few seconds, wishing Nick and I could be back in this stage again.

"Of course you do, you'd know more than anyone," he answered for himself. "I never thought we'd be able to move on. I still don't understand why she'd forgive me."

"I do," I whispered.

"Really?"

"You're not a bad guy," I defended for him. "Just because Taylor's suddenly here doesn't make you a bad guy."

He nodded, but didn't believe me.

"Sometimes," I murmured, my voice raspy. "Sometimes, when I look at you I see him. And that's how I know that Demi will always forgive you."

"What do you mean?"

I sighed. "If I try hard enough, I see Nick in you. I see his eyes, his lameness, how I used to know him inside and out… I can see why she'd never give you up. I mean, I'm not in love with you – _obviously _– but I wouldn't ever call her stupid for loving you. She's just glad you love her back."

"He'll come around," Joe promised, not commenting on anything else. "You know he will."

No. Everyone else was doubting him, but I wasn't. He loved Selena. I saw him the first time they were together and I see him now. Why was it so hard for everyone to just believe that he might be moving on?

:::

I was the first to get up, as always. I opened my eyes to see Joe on the other side and smiled. Last night was the first time we were really open with each other since 2008. It felt good.

I sat up, walking to grab my laptop but stopped when I saw my pillow. _No_. I didn't want to believe what I was seeing. This couldn't be possible. Especially not here.

"Demi," I whispered, trying to hold it in. My voice cracked, I failed at being strong. I shook my head, going over and kneeling by her spot on the floor, shaking her a little. "Demi, wake up, please."

"Miley, hold – are you crying?" she asked, her eyes still closed.

I didn't answer the question, but I didn't need to. She shut her eyes tight before opening them, looking at me.

"What's wrong?" She sat up.

I crawled back over to the couch, sitting on it, looking at the large clumps of hair that fell out overnight. I knew it was going to happen, but seeing it... That was my _hair_.

"It's gonna be okay."

"How do I hide it?" I picked up part of it, trying to gather it all, but it was stuck to the pillow. "They're gonna know if I can't get rid of the hair."

She sighed, picking the pillow up and going to the front section of the bus with the driver. She opened the window, tossing it out of the moving bus without a second thought.

"Problem solved. They'll never see it."

"Demi," My jaw hung open before I started laughing. "I can't believe you just did that."

"You were flippin out," she shrugged, smiling.

"Will you come with me today?" I asked.

"Where?"

"I'm getting my hair shaved and a wig. The appointment was made forever ago, I just didn't think I'd actually be going today."

She almost choked. "You're shaving it?"

"Well, yeah. I need a wig and it just makes it easier 'cause my hair won't shed."

"So you can be like Hannah Montana again," she smiled, laughing. I groaned, walking back to the main area. "You just can't stay away from those wigs can you?"

"Shut up," I laughed. "It's at eleven. Be ready to leave at ten-thirty."

"Where we goin?"

Demi and I both jumped, looking at Joe and Kevin standing there. "No where with you guys. Me and Dem have a date."

"Ouch, Dems," Joe shook his head. "I knew it was too good to be true, having you all to myself again."

"Miley's before you," she shrugged, walking away.

"Where's Nick?"

"Getting ready."

"For?"

"Today's the big day," Joe gave a sympathetic look. "He's trying to look all fancy."

"Cute," I muttered.

"Yeah," Kevin muttered.

Dani walked over to us, her happy face never off, as usual. "Hey, guys, what's up?"

"We're talking about Nick," Kevin informed her, giving a slight peck. I wish I had a relationship like his. I wasn't jealous of Kevin very often, I don't think many people were, but watching him be so happy with his wife, everyone was jealous.

"Oh, yeah. The Selena thing? You okay with that Miley?"

"Yeah, of course I am," I lied to her.

She laughed a little, looking at the boys for some type of a approval. "Yeah, okay. You've been crushing on him for how long now?"

"Five years," Joe answered.

I shook my head, a huge grin on my face. "Whatever. Selena makes him happy."

"Not as happy as you make him," Kevin singsonged.

"How do you know?" I crossed my arms, even though I was secretly hoping the exact same thing.

"Because he's their brother," Danielle answered for them.

"Exactly," Joe added. "Besides, you have more money."

"Oh, right, 'cause Nick is totally poor."

"I am?" He walked out and we all just looked at each other before laughing. He shrugged, getting off the bus that I wasn't aware had stopped. "I'll be with Selena. We're going out to lunch. Wish me luck."

We all just smiled at him before I followed his lead, walking out. "I gotta get ready for my date with Dem. Bye, guys."

"Bye, Mi," I heard a chorus behind me.

I looked down, gently tugging the end of my hair only to softly feel it come out with my hand. I closed my eyes. It was hard enough to compete with Selena with hair. Without hair would just make it harder.

I walked on the bus, setting my things from last night down and grabbing my purse and ID.

"Ready, Demi?"

"Where are you guys going?" Taylor asked. She was alone on the bus without Selena, but that didn't make me anymore willing to talk to her.

Both Demi and I walked out, not even bothering to answer her question.

"You sure you're okay to do this?" Demi asked as we walked toward the car that my mom had my dad bring us just for this. He was somewhere with Noah.

I nodded in response, even though it was a lie. Was anyone really ready for their hair to come out?

:::

A few hours later and I sat in my dressing room, bald and shaking. Nick and Selena had gotten back from their date, apparently, but I couldn't even watch them walk in together. I was still hiding in my dressing room.

I held my phone in my hand, trying so hard not to go through my contacts and dial the one number I should have deleted. I'd came too far in the past six months to go back down that road.

I heard a knock on the door, but didn't want to answer. So I sat there, staring at the blank walk and glancing back down at my phone until they stopped. For the first time, I wasn't so sure that I could handle all of this.

I went down to the contact before pressing End and looking at the wallpaper of Demi and I again. That was the third time I'd scrolled to his name.

The mirror across from me reflected my actions and I looked into again before shaking my head at the reflection. My hairless, make-up-less expression. I'd never looked uglier than I did then. I was nothing. Before at least my hair could hide my flaws. I hadn't hated the person looking back at me this much in a long time.

Finally I decided to screw the past six months. Nick went back to his past, I could go back to mine. I went down my contacts, stopping at the name and urgently pressing it, happiness pumping through my veins when he answered.

"Hey, Jordan, it's Miley," I introduced, closing my eyes. "I'm in LA right now, and, well… Our deal is still on when I want it right?"

There was silence for awhile, but then I heard him laugh. "For you? Anytime."

"You busy tonight? I have a concert but I can meet you at the normal club around two, yeah?"

"Sounds good, babe. Don't be late."

I hung up on him, smiling a little, feeling better now that I knew I'd at least have an escape again. Even if it was an illegal one.

I sat in my dressing room behind the locked door, running my fingers through the new wig. I already hated it, but it did look realistic, I'd give them that. I scrolled through my phone again, trying to find a ride that would actually take me there when I asked. Brandi did everything for me no questions asked, but I was positive that if I asked even she would have said no to this.

I sighed, stopping on the one name I hadn't called in awhile, but I knew would go for it. She was probably the only person who'd actually go for it.

"Anna." She answered.

"Miley," I replied, the same tone. These phone calls were so familiar, and even though they hadn't been made in quite awhile, they came so naturally.

Her voice was huskier than I remembered, but it was still that same dark, mysterious voice. "Want something?"

"I need a ride tonight," I told her.

"To?"

"The club on 43rd."

"And what do I get out of this?"

"It's Jordan. I'll score you whatever you want."

She stayed silent for a few seconds and I knew I'd gotten her with the offer of drugs. "Good to have you back, Cyrus."

"Yeah," I murmured, my voice trembling. It was too hard to stay away. "Pick me up from my hotel at 1:30, okay? I'll text you the deets."

Then, just like Jordan, I hung up on her. We were nothing but three kids who knew each other from a dangerous habit. A habit I thought I was out of, especially when it came to Jordan.

But apparently I wasn't close to being out of it if I went to Jordan for a deal. I didn't need him, because I had the money… It was just the only thing I'd ever known. I did things the way Anna showed me, and she didn't show my any other way.

Twelve hours later I was laying in bed, watching the clock turn. My phone lit up, Anna's face coming across and I knew it was time. I stood up, grabbing my bag before tip-toeing out. This was finally my escape.

I saw her car in the parking lot and she smirked when she saw me. "I knew you'd come back."

I nodded, ignoring her while she drove. She kept telling me stories while I gazed out the window half listening, half not. The stories just weren't as funny anymore.

"Stop that," she ordered.

I sighed, not really wanting to play her games. I just wanted the drugs. "What?"

"Acting like you're better than all of us. You're still here, alright? You aren't."

She was wrong, though. I was better than her, whether she liked it or not.

She parked and we both got out. I flattened my dress out, quickly fixing my hair while Anna just walked right in with confidence. I followed behind, looking around until I finally saw him. He smirked, I squirmed. I shouldn't be here.

Suddenly I remembered what terrible things I went through to get these drugs. I didn't want to, but I needed them so bad. I walked closer, nodding at him a little. He stroked my cheek first thing.

"Missed you 'round here."

"You got it?" I asked.

He nodded. "You know what you need to do."

I closed my eyes, nodding, taking a deep breath as I led him to the back room. He sat on a couch while I took a deep breath, standing in front of him.

"Let's go," he rushed me. "I know you haven't already forgotten."

I was frozen, though, as Nick popped into my mind. I felt bad doing this. It was like the first time when I actually had something to lose by doing this.

"Miley!" Jordan barked. "Let's _go_."

But it was okay. Because I wasn't his girl anymore. Selena was.

I nodded, taking my dress and sliding off the straps. I glanced at him and saw the hunger in his eyes. I bit my lip, knowing he liked the foreplay before slowly dropping the dress, trying to look sexy.

He smiled. Good. I had to have those drugs.

I went over to him, just in my underwear and bra, starting to leave a trail of kisses going up his neck.

I pulled away for a second, going up to his ear to whisper. "I missed you so much."

He roughly grabbed my head, smashing our lips together. It wasn't my style at all and his kisses felt gross and disgusting, but he wasn't the worst either.

He suddenly stood us both up, unhooking my bra before throwing it off onto the floor. Then, just like my bra, he threw me onto the couch.

"Be good and you get the drugs," he shrugged, taking off his shirt. I took that time to glance around. I couldn't believe I was really back here.

"How's Nick?" He asked. This really was strictly business.

"I don't want to talk about him. Let's just do this."

He nodded, getting on top of me, leaning down and slowly sucking on my breasts. Even though it wasn't Nick, I still gasped. It felt so good make love again.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded, letting my underwear come off too as we mashed together. It wasn't painful anymore, nor was it pleasurable. I was just numb, kissing him when he wanted some, holding back when he didn't.

Then, when it was over we got apart and both started to get dressed. Simple as that.

He looked over at me. "It really is good to see you again, Mi. And not just because _you're_ good."

"You too, Jor," I smiled at him. He really was a nice guy once you got past how he dealt. "Getting by okay?"

"Eh, could be worse," he shrugged. "How 'bout you?"

"I'm doing good," I smiled.

He nodded, his eyes crestfallen for a moment. "You really are beautiful, you know? It's a shame you're back here. You're so much better than all of us."

I shrugged. "Guess not."

He handed me two ziplock bags, one for me, one for Anna. I closed my eyes in pleasure before walking over to a table. "C'mon. Wanna do some with me?"

"You got those for you. Not me. Have fun, though," he smiled, starting to walk out but I pulled him back. He loved to be fucked up just as much as I did. "C'mon. This is the best stuff around, right? Enjoy it with me."

He gave in, sitting beside as I took out a little for the both of us. The second it hit me I realized that this was the right thing to do. I felt so much better, so relieved. I smiled at him. "Thanks, Jor."

Then, I stood up, putting the remainder of it in my purse before leaving.

"Miley," he called me back.

I walked back to the doorway, peering in. "Yeah, Jordan?"

"I'd pick you over Selena any day."

I grinned, walking back over and placing a small kiss on his cheek. "I'm glad someone would. I've missed you. Keep in touch more, okay?"

We both knew he wouldn't. We knew I wouldn't try to either. Because this was a separate life that I wasn't supposed to know about. This wasn't who I was, but it was him.

"Yeah, of course."

I walked out, finding Anna and handing her the package. She was drunk out of her mind, but I knew if I asked to drive she'd just say no. I'd been in this position too many times before. So I let her behind the wheel, speeding at unreasonable limits while I was high. It seemed like a rollercoaster.

I pulled out my cell phone, looking at the clock as the numbers floated in ten different spots.

5:03.

Plenty of time to get back in my room.

"Feelin' fucked up enough yet?" Anna laughed at me. For some reason I found that comment the funniest thing in the world.

"Yeah," I giggled, continuously laughing. "I missed this feeling."

"I bet you did," she laughed with me. "Kay, we're here. Get out."

I opened the door, stumbling a little as I set off the alarm of the car next to me. Oops. I ran into the hotel, going up to my room, still laughing uncontrollably.

I went to my door, reaching for the passkey. I went in my purse before my expression went blank. "Shit."

Coming back wasn't exactly my priority as I left, key on the dresser. I pulled out my cell phone, calling Demi quickly only to reach her voice mail. I considered calling other people but realized quickly how stupid that'd be. Demi's the only one who would understand.

I looked to the doors on my right and left. Nick was in one of them, Demi in the other. The question was which is which. I probably should know but when they told me I just didn't care. I was preoccupied thinking of how amazing tonight would be.

So I took a guess. I'm left handed. Go for the left.

I rose my fist, knocking on the door softly. They stirred, but not enough. I knocked again a little louder.

"I'm coming," I heard Demi mumble inside the room. I sighed out of relief.

When she opened the door I smiled, waving. "Hi!"

She gave me a funny look before letting me in. "Are you okay?"

"I got locked out of my room. I forgot the key."

She nodded slowly. "Well, you smell like shit and I have one bed, so you aren't staying here." She took another whiff. "Jesus, what did you do tonight?"

"I went to a club and got this," I laughed and she instantly ran over, clapping a hand over my mouth, stopping me from getting the drugs out.

"Shut the fuck up, do you know what time it is?"

I nodded, still laughing against her hand.

"I forgot how much I missed you being high," she spat out sarcastically. "These late nights of covering for your ass have always been so much fun."

She sighed, wrapping her hand around my head and holding my mouth that way as she started walking me out of her room, leaving her door open.

She made a left out of her bedroom, going and standing in front of Nick's. I started squirming. No, I couldn't go here.

"If I let go will you whisper?" She talked to me like I was five.

I nodded and she uncovered my mouth. "I can't go with Nick. I think he might get mad."

"Oh, he'll be pissed. But him, you, Selena and Taylor, and your mom are only people who got two-bed rooms, and I'm not sharing a bed while you smell like that," she went off. Bitch. "So it's this or your mom."

"Fine," I gave in, giggling. "Nicky-"

It took two seconds for her to clap a hand over my mouth again. "Shut the fuck up!"

I laughed harder against her hand as she scowled, knocking on the door repeatedly. Eventually it opened to show a disheveled looking Nick. He look confused so I waved.

"You have two beds, right?" Demi sighed, her hand going through her hair.

He looked from me to her before letting out a deep breath, opening his door wider and letting us in before shutting it.

He turned on a light and I squinted, my hand going to my eyes. Ow, that hurt. He walked back over sitting me on the bed, pulling me away from Demi.

"What happened?"

"She locked herself out of her room," Demi answered for me. "And I'm not sharing a bed with her in this state."

He shook his head completely understanding. I laid down in my dress, wishing I could take off my wig. I was so silly. Forgetting my key. I made my way up to the pillow, snuggling in it as Nick let Demi go, walking back over to me.

"C'mon, let's at least get you comfy," he talked to himself. He pulled off my high heels before going over and getting sweats with a t-shirt. He pulled off my dress, replacing it with the comfier clothes.

I laughed. "Did you like what you saw?"

"I didn't look," he told me. And I knew that he was being honest. It made me feel dirtier than ever, but I was so out of my mind that I didn't get to feel that part until I woke up.

"Mm," I replied, rolling over and feeling him pull the covers over me before going to sleep. I wasn't in the mood to make small talk. Not today.

"What are you trying to hide, Angel?" I heard him mumble, right before I drifted off, and maybe I was imagining things because of how desperate I was, but I swore I felt his hand gently caress my cheek while he pushed hair out of my face.

"What are you trying to hide?"

**i know this was kind of long :/ it might be a pain to read at once, but hope you liked it! tell me what you thought? **

**drama next chapter, i think. **

**oh, and I know that this is more part of last chapter, but what do you guys think will happen with taylor before she leaves tour? cus obviously some type of drama needs to happen. idk, answer if you want ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

I woke up the next morning, rolling around to see Nick on his laptop and instantly closed my eyes again, pretending to be asleep. I wasn't in the Nick mood at the moment. I remembered last night a little too well and knew that even though he didn't yell at me then, it was only because it was late. Well, that and I wasn't exactly sober.

"Too late. Might as well open your eyes now," he told me.

So I did. He wasn't even looking at me, still on his computer. I sat up, going over to his bed and sitting on the edge. He was doing everything in his power not to look at me.

"Say something," I whispered, scared of what he was trying to hold in.

He closed his eyes before staring at me, but despite his efforts to hide his feelings, there was still that small glare in his eyes. "How could you?"

I looked down.

"I thought this was in the past."

Like Selena.

"I thought you were done with the disappointments."

"Nick-"

"I was finally starting to believe in you, Miley."

"So what? Now you don't believe in me? You didn't believe in me before, I was just another disappointment?"

His voice was calm and collected but his expression said otherwise. "I never said that."

"You thought it."

He looked at me with a pained expression, his eyes looking so hurt that I just wanted to sit there and fix him.

"Can you really blame for losing faith in you?"

The words hurt to hear, even if I did deserve them.

"I'm sorry," My voice cracked.

"You just let me down and I defend you every time – every time, Mi… But it's getting harder. I can't keep defending you if you don't change."

"And I have!" I protested, standing up. "You don't think I've been trying? That it was easy these past six months with no drugs? The only reason I even tried was for you. Because for some reason you were stupid and thought too highly of me."

I shook my head, continuing with the words I'd been holding in for too long.

"See? That's always been your problem. You've thought too highly of me and I can't meet your expectations. I'm sorry about last night, but I just had to."

"No, you didn't. Don't say that-"

"It's the truth," I fought.

"You went right back there, Mi! After so long of staying away, what was the point of that?"

"I _needed_ to."

"I can't believe you just went straight back," he repeated. "How could you do this?" Nick asked, completely disappointed in me. If only he knew what I really did. How I got those drugs to get so high.

"Look, it's my life. Fuck off, okay? It was one night."

"I thought you moved past this ages ago," he sighed. "What's going on with you?"

"This damn tour," I hissed. "I don't wanna talk about it so can you just leave?"

"No-"

"You won't understand," I spat. "I fucking hate how you will never understand because you're the one person who always could before and now you just – you-"

"I still can," he shot back.

"No! You can't and you won't! So just go and leave me alone and don't come back until I say so! Go with your _stupid _girlfriend and leave me alone."

He rose his eyebrows and I saw the anger coming through again. "Yeah, that's what the queen wants?" He shook his head. "Fine, I'll go this time. But no promises on ever coming back. I'll stay with my _girlfriend._"

He stormed out, slamming the hotel door. This wasn't fair, why was I crying? It was just Nick, I should be stronger than this by now. I opened the door to go stomp to my room like a little kid, but Demi just stood there, looking at me as if I was the saddest sight in the world. She held up the extra passkey she must've gotten from my mom and led us to my room before moving in, wrapping her arms around me while I cried harder.

"It's okay, you're fine," she soothed. "It's okay, Mi."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's fine, alright?" she rubbed my back. "Last night is fine. The important thing is you. What's wrong, honey?"

"Why doesn't he get that it's because of him?" I asked, meeting her eyes. She shook her head, not knowing either. "I know I shouldn't have done it, but he doesn't make staying away easy."

She sighed. "Why aren't you telling him, Mi?"

"Because if he wants her then he should have her."

"I'll be right back," she whispered, out of the room before I could say anything.

I nodded, going over the couch and hiding my face in the cushions, laying down. Being alone I just let the tears fall, breaking down. I guess cancer didn't change that much, Selena would always be better than me.

"You said you were okay with it," I heard a voice behind me. It was so recognizable that I would know it anywhere.

I held back the whimpers and sobs begging to be let out, not daring to face him. "I am."

"Oh, I can tell," he shot back playfully, that anger from minutes ago gone. I felt a hand on my arm, fire burning through it as he gently rolled me over to face him.

I eventually gave in, staring at him, my tears quickly drying. I hated crying in front of him. I forced out a smile, giving one last shot at persuading him.

"I'm fine."

"At least make it convincing," he told me, beginning to stroke through my hair. "I wouldn't have asked if you told me not to. That's why I asked you."

"How was I supposed to say that it wasn't okay with me, though?" I challenged. "You're my ex, and yeah, we're best-friends, and that's _great_, but it'll always hurt to see you with someone else."

He nodded, tapping my legs to get me to sit up. He climbed on the couch beside me as I looked away from him awkwardly.

He wrapped his arms around me, slowly rubbing his hand along my arm. "And that's okay. I get that, I feel it too."

I leaned on his chest, sinking into him. "I just feel bad always holding you back, and I don't want to, it's just after all this time it still hasn't gotten a bit easier to see you with other girls and I hate it. I hate feeling so clingy because I know you-"

"Miley, stop. You don't hold me back, I promise," he assured me. He squeezed me a little. "Besides, I didn't really want to date her anyways. It's fine."

"If you didn't want to date her than why would you ask her out?" I challenged.

He shrugged a little bit, facing away from me. "I guess I just figured anything was better than sitting around thinking about you all day. And she was the distraction before. I wanted to finally stop thinking of what could've been."

I nodded, for once completely understanding. I got that feeling a lot, too. More than once. Hell, I got it almost every time I looked at him.

"We really could've been something special, you know?"

"Oh, I know," he told me. "That's why it hurt so much. That's why I decided to ask."

I nodded. Because as hard it was to do, I understood. I understood the reason and I understood him.

"Do you think we'll ever be able to pull off the just friends thing?"

I looked back up at him, falling in love all over again. That was a definite no. "My answer isn't the answer you want to hear."

"Would you fix it?"

I'd thought about it so many times in the past. I nodded, and I didn't mean to but when I answered my voice sounded so distant. "Yeah, I would."

"Me too," he hummed.

"I miss those days a lot," I admitted. "Especially now."

"Yeah," he agreed. "When you used to tell me everything instead of hiding it."

"Nick-"

"It's fine, I'm just saying," he told me. "You can trust me with anything, and I know you know that, so when you do want to tell me, I'm here, okay?"

"I know you're always there, how could I forget?"

He made a motion to show that he didn't know how either. "You just have before."

I never forgot. It was impossible to forget how much he cared about me… Sometimes I just hated to believe it. Because I knew every time I remembered, a little piece of me would always be in love with him.

"And Miley?"

I looked back over to him, giving him my full attention.

"You obviously didn't hear; Selena said No."

:::

"Demi," I ran up to her, pulling her ear close. "Selena said No to him."

She looked over at me surprised, but still happy. "She did?"

I smiled, nodding. "Can you believe it? I don't even know why but – Demi, she said _no_."

"Are you really that surprised?" she laughed a little. "She knows you love him, ya know?"

"But – she said _no_," I emphasized again. Me loving him never stopped her before. "He's single."

"I'm happy for you," she laughed. "You are way too surprised by this."

"I am!" I laughed, looking out the window with a smile. "This is the best news I've heard in forever. It beats last night's feelings, even. This is – This is amazing."

She stayed silent for awhile.

"What _did_ happened last night?" she asked, softly. If I wasn't listening carefully I wouldn't have even heard. She was absorbed in her cell phone, saying nothing but I could tell she wanted to know.

I suddenly cut off the happy mood, trying to shrug it off. "It was nothing."

That triggered something, though, because her head shot towards me. "Excuse you?"

I looked around, not sure why she was so offended. "What?"

"Do you even remember last night?" she asked me.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. It was nothing."

"You came to my door at five in the morning, Miley."

I scoffed. Yeah, I remember that part. "And you turned me away."

"Don't put the blame on me," she warned me, shaking her head. "This isn't my fault, it's yours."

"Don't make me seem like such a bad person, either," I ordered.

"I never said that-"

No, she didn't. But she was thinking it. Everyone was. I saw the stupid glimpses of judgements in all of their eyes. Even Nick's eyes had it. Especially Nick's eyes.

"You thought it."

"No, I didn't," she argued, trying to stay calm. "I just thought you were better than this."

"You too?" I shook my head. "You and Nick both need to get that I'm not better than this, alright? I'm just not, I can't be, I never will be."

"Yes you are," she fought. "And maybe if you would stay sober for more than a month you'd fucking see that."

Excuse _her_? Who exactly did she think she was. "You don't know how hard it is, alright?" I snapped, ready to tell her off, ready to tell everyone off. "You don't know how hard it is to have it be there _taunting_ me all the fucking time! And none of you even care! It's just there, testing me, and you all think it's so easy but it's not. You don't even know how hard it is because if you did-"

"I don't know?" she was seething with anger. "I don't know? I don't fucking know?"

She stormed to the bathroom, coming back with the drugs I bought last night and a razor in her hand. She gave me the drugs.

"I know that four months after I had my relapse we made a promise that you would never ever do drugs again and I'd never cut myself. And you have the nerve to come back here and say that I don't care? If I didn't care I wouldn't be trying this hard to make you stop. Do you even know how much it hurts to see you like this?"

"Of course I do-" But apparently she thought otherwise. She pressed the blade to her skin, easily slicing herself, and she was right. It hurt more than ever watching her do that. I lunged forward, grabbing it from her. "Stop it, Demi! No!"

"I know how hard it is, too, alright? I feel it every day just like you do. I've thought more than once about how easy it would be, how you'd all never know. And you wanna know what stopped me?"

Don't say me. She can't possibly be depending on me anymore.

"_You_. My best friend who I knew was going through the exact same thing." She held up her bleeding wrist for me to say and I quickly looked away, knowing I was the cause. "Now tell me. What happened last night?"

"I-"

"If you dare say it's nothing," she warned, shaking her head.

"I'm not," I tried to smile softly. "I didn't know how to handle Nick moving on, alright? That's it. It's stupid."

"It's a big deal to you," Demi shrugged, suddenly all calmed down. This was why we somehow stayed best friends. Because we actually understood each other despite how often we fought. "But things are gonna change in your life, Mi. And you can't resort to drugs every time they do."

"I know, and I won't," I told her, holding my pinky with a small smile. "I promise. Last time."

She nodded, "Last time."

I sighed, shaking my head and holding the arm she cut in my hand. "Jesus, why do you have to be so stubborn?"

I let it go and she smiled that toothy smile that could fool anyone into thinking she was happy. "Because it's you I'm trying to get the point across to."

"You got it across," I told her firmly, taking the razor and throwing it out the hotel window, just like she did to my pillow on the bus. "Now don't do it again."

Demi smiled at me, nodding. "It was just to prove a point, I swear."

"Pinky swear?"

She latched her pinky onto mine and I smiled, content.

"You good, though?" she asked. "I mean, now that you know you basically got yourself into a huge fight with Nick all for nothing because Selena said no-"

"Great, Dem," I laughed, my hand going to the top of my wig. This thing was so uncomfortable and it'd only been a day. "Can I take it off?"

"Of course, Mi."

I took it off, looking at Demi unsure, too afraid to look in the mirror.

"Stop it," she ordered.

"What?"

"You're being insecure. You look great. You're beautiful without it, too, Miley. Stop putting yourself down."

"Miley's beautiful without what?" I heard Nick and instantly ducked behind the bed as Demi pulled off her shirt right before he turned around the corner, leaving her completely exposed.

"Fucktard, I'm naked!" she yelled at him, her rage so convincing that even I bought it. Who'd have thought it was just her saving my ass, yet again? "Get out!"

"Sorry," I heard him apologize, stuttering and backing up. "Just – okay, you guys come get me when you're ready."

"_Bye_," she hinted with attitude. A few seconds she looked back at me and we just started laughing. She put back on the t-shirt she was wearing while I went to the bathroom, putting on my wig again.

"I can't believe I just did that," she laughed.

"I can't believe you were braless."

She shook her head at me incredulously. "I just completely exposed myself to him and you're focused on _that_?"

"Did his eyes go wide?" I laughed as she came into the bathroom, lightly shoving me.

"Shut up!" she held back a smile. "This is never to leave this room. If anyone ever finds out you're dead."

"I won't tell," I promised, fixing the last bit of the wig. I turned to her. "Alright. Do I look okay?"

"Looks good," she promised.

I smiled a little before swiveling back to the mirror and messing around with the hair that wasn't mine.

"Mi, you really do need to tell him."

I couldn't even stop myself from rolling my eyes. "Demi, we've talked about this-"

"But he needs to know!" she argued.

"Not now," I shook my head. "It's just not a good time with Taylor here and my fuck up last night – I will though. Just not tonight, okay?"

"I hope you know as much as you're pretending to when you talk about him," Demi sighed, trying to stay composed. "Because I just don't see how you can possibly think this will work out."

"It will," I promised. I had to keep believing that right now. "I know it will. Trust me."

She nodded, but didn't accept that answer. "You need to tell him, Miley. You have fucking cancer. You can't just hide that."

"He doesn't need to know yet," I told her, keeping my eyes focused on the mirror.

"What if it leaks and that's how he finds out? Do you even know how hurt he'd be?"

"I can handle it, Demi," I hissed. This was my problem. Not hers. Therefore, Nick would find out on my watch, not anyone else's.

"Yeah, I can tell when you need to worry about puking in front of him everyday. Or your wig or your appointments. This isn't a game, Miley! This is your fucking life we're talking about, and you need to tell him soon."

"I have this under control," I told her softly.

Now, only because I don't like secrets, I'll say my secret. I was scared to death. I was scared _of _death. And I had no idea what was going on, it was like life was spinning faster and faster and I couldn't keep up, especially with Nick.

"You better," Demi finally gave up, "Because I have no damn clue what the hell you're thinking and how you don't think this will end in a disaster."

I nodded a little. It was under control, I knew exactly what I was doing, this was my plan all along. It had to be.

**hehe, i hope you all liked it. i know this wasn't the best chapter, but it's kind of leading into next chapter.**

**next chapter is my favourite so far. i really like it, personally. lots of drama in it, for sure.**

**k, tell me what you all thought? pwease and tankchu.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

I groaned, shaking my head. I was so tired. I'd gone in for chemo earlier in the morning, and I still hated it. Knowing that today wouldn't even be the worst of it didn't help. Sometimes being in Hollywood didn't seem worth it. Today was one of those times. I sighed, getting up and drinking a little before going out and joining the group.

"Hey guys," I waved a little, trying to ignore that the beast was still here.

"Hey," I heard them all recite back to me.

Nick was instantly at my side, giving me a hug and I smiled up at him. "Miss me?"

"Always," he smiled a little back.

I heard a cough. "Whore."

Demi went forward, but I stopped her. I could take Swift in a split second. She wanted a fight? Alright, I'll give her a damn fight, my pleasure. I wasn't in the mood to play games any more. I went in front of her, crossing my arms and raising my eyebrows. "Problem?"

"You know my problem," she smirked. "And after hearing what went down last night with the drugs-"

"Who told her?" I growled, turning to look at them. Her hand was on my shoulder in a split second.

"It doesn't matter who told me, the point was you're still fucking up your life."

"No, I'm moving on. Something you obviously can't do."

"You're being a _whore_."

"Would you just hit her?" Demi tried to push her way past me but I held her back.

"Stay out of it."

"Does she know?" Taylor asked me.

I didn't even hesitate, knowing I was the only one who knew what Taylor was talking about. "I don't know, does Selena know?"

I flickered my gaze back to her and felt my heart drop. Of course she knew the reason for Taylor and I's fight. Taylor tells her everything.

"Yeah, she does."

"Guys, maybe you should both-"

Kevin tried, but no one ever succeeded with Taylor. "Shut up. Someone needs to get it through her head and obviously all of you aren't. Stop. Screwing. Your life up."

"I'm not," I hissed. "I have this under control."

"What bullshit is that? You went back to get more drugs, no you don't. Then you're trying to convince yourself you're over Nick and we all know that's not true. Not to mention, you know…"

"I know what?"

Her squinty eyes narrowed a little trying to get some type of secret message across to me. "You _know_, I am Sel's best-friend."

I was confused for a second before I put the pieces together. She'd blabbed to Taylor that I had cancer.

"You told her?" I roared at her.

"Sel!" Demi ridiculed her for the first time, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry, but I knew-"

I quickly looked around. The boys were all confused along with Dani but I knew that I couldn't give them an explanation. And somehow I knew Taylor wouldn't either. Or at least I hoped she wouldn't.

"It doesn't matter, alright?" Taylor interrupted Selena's clarification. "The point is, you don't have this under control and we both know it."

"Yes I do."

"You're still whoring around like a little slut-"

"Taylor, would you just stop? You're being a bitch," Dani spat.

We all fell silent. Dani hated getting in the middle of things and rarely stood up for herself nevermind me. Taylor looked around at everyone before settling on me. That look she gave made me nervous. It was saying she'd had enough.

"Why do you all hate me? All I did was try to help her while you all tried to act like it was all fine! _She's_ the one who started all this!"

No, please, no. She couldn't, not now. The truth couldn't come out now, the fact that I was liar wasn't something that she be told now.

Joe pushed his way in front of me, shaking his head. "She told us what you said. About Nick, about Demi-"

"What did you tell them, Miley?" she asked, pushing her past Joe to look down on me again. I was caught. "Because I don't know what he's going on about, but it certainly doesn't sound like the truth. If it was they certainly wouldn't be mad at me."

"Don't," I warned, almost begging her.

"What? You made up some bullshit lie to keep them happy? To make them love you?" She shook her head in disappointment. "And to think I still thought you could change. You'll always be the same now, won't you?"

"What is she talking about?" Demi asked beside me, worried.

"Yeah, Miley, why don't you tell them what I'm talking about."

"No, why don't you tell us what happened," Joe picked a fight with her again. "Obviously Miley's side is different than yours. Let's hear."

She looked at me while I still begged her not to say anything before shaking her head. "Fine. If you wanna know the truth, fine, but don't blame me when you realize you hate it."

"Taylor," I begged. "Please-"

"You had your chance," Joe told me. "This is hers."

Everyone looked to Taylor and I was already ready to cry. They couldn't know, they'd be so disappointed, they'd hate me.

"I don't know how to say this," she told them.

"Then don't," I plead one last time. But it was too late.

"Taylor, tell us," Nick begged her too. I knew that he wanted to figure me out, but this wasn't the way he should do it.

"You all know what went down last winter with Miley and the drugs-"

"Yeah," Demi cut her off sharply. "Yeah, I think we all know."

"Well, one day I saw her heading out at three AM after I was getting out of a late night in the studio, so I followed her. And at first I didn't know what she was doing, I was completely lost at why she was walking down 43rd alone, I mean, you know, it's not exactly the best area. But then she went into a club and it was like _shocker_. So I figured it was already late, I might as well see why the fuck she finds this so fun, keep an eye on her… Well, she went straight to this guy and they both went up into this room for like an hour. Well, after fifteen minutes or so-"

"Tay-"

"Miley," Joe hissed. "You had your chance."

And I blew it. I could already tell.

"Go ahead, Tay."

"After awhile I got worried, so I pressed up against the door and it was obvious that they were… you know, getting it on. I was so confused just because, I don't know, I just didn't think she was in a relationship. So I sorta sat there being a creep and spying for awhile, 'cause you know, that's what I do, and uh, she came out…"

She trailed off, going silent, and for a minute I thought I'd be okay. I was saved. But then she continued, more serious, all of the usual playfulness in her voice gone, but that vivid storytelling she was so good at continuous.

"Her and the guy came out and he was buttoning his shirt up. Then he pulled out a baggie of drugs and handed them to her."

I felt every person look over to me as I looked down ashamed. They were never supposed to know about me, my habits, and especially not about Jordan.

"She walked away like nothing happened, so obviously I followed her, stopping her from going anywhere. She turned around and was shocked. I asked if she did this often and she asked what she did. So I told her that she was basically being a prostitute, having sex and selling her body just for drugs."

She ran a hand through her hair.

"She told me that it wasn't my business at all. So I tried bringing Nick up in the conversation to get her to stop and said how he would hate to know she's doing this and she went off about Joe and how he'd hate me, so I explained how Nick was an ass to her, but she'd never deserve more if she didn't stop. And she still didn't listen so I went on about how emotional Demi already was. At that point she needed her and," she stopped, not knowing what to say with Demi in the room.

"Anyway," she continued, "then I told her flat out that people will break up with her, but she needs to learn to handle it and not go crazy. Then I brought up how Noah needs her. She looked up to her and she was doing this," she took a deep breath. "I know I should've handled it better, okay? But I didn't know what to do or what to say to get her to stop. I mean, she was having sex just to get drugs, what do you say to that? I just knew that this was too big to let her continue-"

"Miley," Joe looked at me. "Is this true?"

I finally looked directly at them, looking around at all of their disgusted faces until I finally reached Nick's who just looked outright broken. I bit back a sob before shaking my head. "I'm so sorry. I wanted to-"

"No, don't even bother," Joe glared at me with this hatred I had never seen from him before. "This isn't even completely about the fact that you went this far, but that you lied to me. To Demi too."

"I'm sorry," I begged.

"You've said that way too many times for me to care anymore," he told me, shaking his head.

He walked away, leaving and I watched Kevin follow.

I looked down, keeping my gaze at the floor until I felt someone else replace Taylor. It took everything I had to actually face him. "Nick-"

"Just tell me one thing," he requested, his voice so calm, too calm. "The other night, when you got high, is that how you got the drugs again?"

"Nick-" I tried to keep him, but he saw it in my eyes. The fact that I was gonna disappoint him again.

"I can't believe I ever believed in you," he spat the words at me. "I tried to convince everyone you were worth all this, but let's face it, you'll never be more than a slut."

"Nick, no – let me explain," I plead. But it was too late. I lost him. He turned, walking away as I just kept looking ahead.

"Miley, I'm sorry, but they had to know," Taylor actually apologized for once. But I just shook my head, hating her even more because she made me hate myself even more.

"Just go," I told her.

Selena left with her, shaking her head at me as she went by. I already knew she was better than me. What was that supposed to do, let me know she knew now too?

I felt a hand on arm and knew it was Demi. Oh, God, I didn't want to hear anything from Demi. She would be so disappointed, she wouldn't understand. Demi was like Nick, another person I'd let down too many times. I couldn't hear her yell at me right now.

"Miley," she tugged my arm a little harder until I spun around to face her.

She pulled me in to hug her, just holding me for a few minutes before pulling away again. "You okay?"

"If you're mad-"

"You have a lot of explaining to do," she warned, "but I'm not gonna get mad at you over this, okay? You always have me."

I nodded, smiling a little with tears still streaming down. "I will on the bus, I swear. We can steal the back room and I'll tell you everything, just-"

I didn't want to be vulnerable. That's what got me into this mess.

"What, Mile?" She rubbed a hand up and down my arm.

"Please don't leave me," I whispered. "You're all I have left."

"They'll come back, Mi," she promised. But she didn't know that, she couldn't anymore. "C'mon, let's just go on the bus. You'll be okay, alright?"

But I wouldn't be. Not anymore.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"Was everything she said true?" Demi asked, taking my wig from my lap and putting it on the table beside her.

I nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah. As much as I wish it wasn't."

"Why would you go that route? You have money, Mi. This makes the drugs ten times worse."

"I know, but this was just the only way Anna showed me and-"

"That too, why would you go back Anna of all people?"

"I know, it was stupid, I just didn't know what to do so I called Jordan then I needed a ride there so I got Anna to drive me," I trailed off. "I'm stupid, I know."

"You're right, you are stupid when you go do that," she shook her head, rubbing her hand over the tattoo she got after she was released from rehab. On her wrist, the words 'Think Again' there in bold ink. I wished I could get a tattoo that told me not to whenever I was about to do something.

"Are you mad?"

She shook her head. "You will never understand how upset I am that you'd even consider doing this, but I'm not mad."

"Thanks," I winced a little.

"Why'd you lie when you told me and Joe about Taylor? You didn't tell the truth about your fight," she looked at me the most heartbroken I'd ever seen her.

"I didn't want you guys to hate me," I whimpered.

She sighed. "And you really thought we wouldn't find out?"

It sounded like a brainless thing to think when she put it like that, but yeah. That's exactly what I thought.

"I know it was stupid, Demi," I sighed, going to run a hand through my hair, but feeling my bald scalp instead. I clenched my jaw as I watched Demi's eyes soften. "Fuck my life! Fuck – God, I fucking hate this."

She came over, sitting beside me and letting me cry onto her shoulder, all the while remembering how I didn't deserve someone as amazing as her as a best-friend.

"First cancer, now this, not to mention the one kid I've always fucking love finally gave up tonight," I shook my head. "Oh, my, God, just screw it. Kill me already."

She looked at me before slapping me across the face.

"Ow!" I held my cheek, looking at her expectantly. "What was that for?"

"Don't you ever say that again," she warned her eyes wide.

"Which part?"

"Any of it!"

She took my phone, entering the password for it and I laid back. "I don't know, Demi. I know him so well and he just lost all hope looking at me."

"He's probably just mad that that – what's his name?"

"Jordan."

"Right, mad that he screwed you first."

"No, he's not, I know that look too," I looked down as she handed me my phone back. "What'd you do on my phone?"

"I deleted Anna, Jordan, and anyone else's names I've heard you tell stories about when you're high."

"Demi!" I turned to her, genuinely pissed off. "What the hell? I needed those numbers!"

"For what? In case you wanted to get high again?"

"No – in case-" My face fell as I realized I really didn't have an excuse this time. "It's nice to know they're in there in case I ever need them."

"Well you don't need them, alright? You never will. And when you go over to Nick tomorrow and come up with the best damn apology you've ever gave, you can feel good knowing you're being completely honest when you swear never to do that again."

I smiled. That did actually sound pretty good. Except one little part. "Who said I was gonna apologize to him?"

"I did, because you will, you need to," she gave me a pointed look. "He isn't gonna come back to you and try to fix things this time, because he didn't screw up."

"He won't forgive me either," I protested. "Demi-"

"Are you seriously saying you aren't gonna apologize?" she looked at me for the billionth time with pure shock. "Miley, for once suck up your pride, because if you don't go tomorrow, you're right, he'll never forgive you."

"Demi-"

"No, okay? No, don't even start. I've been so lenient with you and Nick and your constant sayings that you know him, but I'm not letting this one go. Because if you dare think that he doesn't deserve an apology tomorrow you're being stupid," she lectured. "You fucked up, Mi. Just suck it up, and go apologize."

We heard a knock on the door and both looked up as it opened to reveal Selena. "Just wanted to let you both know Taylor left."

"Thanks, Sel," I smiled softly at her as she turned around, starting to shut the door again.

"Wait!" Demi called after her, walking over and grabbing her arm to make her stay. "Come here, we could use your input."

Selena looked at me confused before turning to Demi. "Did you take some of her drugs or something?"

"_Funny_," Demi rolled her eyes, and I knew she wanted to sneer at Selena the way she would at me, but we both knew that she would never do anything of the sort when it came to her.

Selena walked over sitting next to me and smiling a little. It was uncomfortable with all three of us in a room. Awkward, as if two completely different time periods were mixing.

"Alright, so first thing first. Who do you think should apologize to who? Miley to Nick, or – as always – Nick to Miley?" Demi started the quiz, letting Selena answer.

"Miley to Nick," she replied shyly, smiling at me nervously a bit. I just shook my head letting her know it was fine. Because it seemed with her that it had to be fine, she was so insecure that she'd upset people. To be honest, everyday I was almost positive it'd be her last in Hollywood with that attitude.

"Second, do you or do you not think Miley should apologize tomorrow?"

"I would," she looked between us, trying to figure out the right answer. "I think."

"Now, last question, yes or no, Miley should tell Nick about the cancer?"

She closed her eyes, avoiding my gaze. "I've told you already, you should've told him first."

"See? You should've told him _first_," she directed at me. "But no, you could've came clean with everything but you decided to be _stupid _like always-"

"Stop it," Selena murmured.

We both turned to her as Demi took a step closer, her eyes narrowing. "_What_?"

"You heard me," she repeated, standing up to face Demi too. I knew it took all the courage she had facing who used to be her best-friend like that. It might be the only person she'd face like that.

"We're actually done with you, so you can leave now," she hissed, opening the door.

"You need to stop pushing her around. You act like you're the flippin' shit-"

"You don't understand our friendship, this isn't you and me-"

"You are a-a-"

"A what?" Demi taunted, a small smirk on her face.

"You're a bitch to her, okay? Is that really what you wanted to hear?" Demi's face fell a little and I watched as Selena only gained confidence, saying the things I've seen so many people before start to say but stop. Hell, sometimes even I wanted to say it, she drove me crazy, but I never did. Because she needed to boss me around. And because she was my best-friend.

"I am not," Demi crossed her arms. "Look, Miley and I are just honest with each other-"

"Honest? You push her around like she's some pet that should be trained. Seriously, she's given up so much for you and you just keep wanting more and more. If I were her I wouldn't tell Nick about the cancer just to piss you off," she ranted. I smiled a little. At least someone had balls.

"She's my best-friend."

"Then start acting like it," Selena rolled her eyes. "You think that what you say doesn't hurt people but it does."

"Miley would tell me if she felt like that," Demi hissed. "Just piss off. You don't know me anymore."

"You're right about that," she shot. "And I'm pretty sure you've never even asked how she felt. Between you constantly telling her how to feel how could she even start to tell you?"

Demi turned to look at me. "Am I bitch to you?"

"Yeah," I laughed. "But you're my best-friend 'cause of it."

"See-"

"But I also see Selena's side," I pointed out.

"See?" Selena mimicked.

"But I understand why Demi does it, so it's all good."

"See?" Demi sneered at her.

Selena shook her head. "She shouldn't need to understand why you're a bitch, you shouldn't be one in the first place."

"Just leave," Demi rolled her eyes.

Selena pursed her lips, obviously trying to decide what to do before she walked out, blasting Taylor's music, obviously trying to take a jab at Demi and remind her how she'd lost a friend. I sighed, watching Demi march over to the speakers in our room, pulling out her ipod.

She plugged it in and within two seconds my voice was coming out of the speakers. I shook my head, walking out of the door. I didn't want to be here anymore.

:::

"Why do you let her push you around like that?" Selena murmured as we were laying down, both playing Mario Kart.

I shrugged, glancing at her eyes, so full of curiosity. "Because she needs to."

"No she doesn't."

"It makes me feel good, anyways. I mean, it's like with her I'm just a normal person who can get yelled at. So many people are scared to get me mad at them or challenge me. It's nice."

Selena knew what I meant. I know she did, because there was a part of her that was the same way. "But she goes too far with you sometimes."

"That's because it makes _her_ feel good. And that's okay with me," I brushed it off.

"Why do you think she does it?"

"Because of you. Because of the problems in the past she's had. She wants to be in control of something, you know? If it's me, then I'll let her. Because that's what best-friend's do."

"How can you not flip out on her, though?"

I laughed a little. "You have no idea how badly I want to sometimes. Her constant suggestions can get pretty annoying, but she's my best-friend, ya know? If that makes her feel better, then fine. It's better she yells at me who will understand rather than Joe, or Nick, or some fan."

Selena nodded, and it felt good to be recognized for something other than being famous. Feeling like I was actually a good friend was nice, because I tried not to let Demi's words spoken in frustration get to me, but sometimes I couldn't help it. They just did.

"For the first time tonight I actually saw that you guys were best-friends," she told me.

I turned to her, furrowing my eyebrows. We were a month into tour and she just now saw it? "What do you mean?"

"You guys have always seemed so fake," she explained. "When she stuck around for you, it just seemed real for the first time. It seemed like she cared. Usually it seems like you worry about her but she doesn't give a fuck about you."

"I know she does," I smiled. I hated to admit it, but I really did like Selena. I was glad we became so close this tour, that I finally had someone who I could talk to, someone who knew Demi just about as well as I did. "She's changed a lot since you guys have been close, but she cares about a lot of things that she pretends not to."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," I grinned. "And she cares about you."

Selena laughed a little. "Your funny, Mi."

"She does. She doesn't want to, but being here with you has been hard for her. I think that's why she's been so much bossier too. She feels like she has something to prove to you."

"You know her pretty well, huh?"

I did. "Almost as well as you."

She looked at me and she smiled, but it wasn't like she meant it. "Not anymore," she whispered.

"Always."

She met my gaze and we both grinned a little, not meaning much and not sure what we were saying, but saying it anyways. Repeating the meaningless words to each other again and again and again.

"This has really been bugging me. Why'd you say No to Nick?"

She looked at me before laughing a little. "Because, I know him, but I only know him _almost_ as well as you do."

I faced the floor, tracing the pattern of the carpet. I hesitated, closing my eyes and whispering the bittersweet words. "Not anymore."

There was a pause and I was almost asleep when I heard her speak up. "_Always_."

"You should go for it," I mumbled. "Things are definitely over between us after tonight."

"I've heard that one before," she muttered, a little angry herself. And I didn't blame her. I would be too. It was hard always being the second choice.

"He'll always love you that little bit more."

"Yeah, but he won't forgive me anymore, I've pushed him too far."

"He'll always take you back."

"No-you don't understand," I sighed. "He _hates _me."

"He's just really mad," Selena turned away, letting me face her back. "All you need to do is beg for him to stay."

I slouched down, rolling over on the couch, too lazy to go to my actual bed. I was half asleep, only thinking of Nick. I was so scared of what was going to happen, because I honestly didn't think begging would do anything at this point. He had nothing to stay for anymore, all hope in me was lost. I took a deep breath, knowing I'd have to face everyone again tomorrow, scared of all of them for a change. Because the truth was, I had no idea how I was going to fix this.

**happy birthday, NileyIsTrueLove:) sorry the update is so late. it's been a busy weekendd and i just read your review now. its still sunday here though! **

**and sorry for the filler chapter:/ i know it was sort of boring... and depressing lately. a lot of you have been reviewing of miley and if she'll die or not. i'm not sure where i'm going with this yet, or how it'll end. I just wanted to let you all know that. I've been swaying back and forth and i have a slight idea... **

**ps, i love imagineyourlife. everyone go tell her to update:)) oh, and tell becboc to update too... and if you don't read their stories you're missing out. you should probably get on that right now. **

**hope you're liking the story.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve.**

I took a deep breath, opening for the last song of the night. I'd listen to her. I'd do what Selena said. I'd try to fix this.

"Well it's good to hear your voice," I started it out as a murmur, but grew louder as the screams increased. Please, please, God, let him be listening. "If you're listening, I'm really sorry," I added. Then, that ended the show. I had nothing else I _could _say. So I walked off stage, feeling the hate radiating in the room.

"I told you he wouldn't forgive me," I groaned as Demi and Selena both looked at me while Nick was across the room, completely glaring at me, the most hate I've ever seen in his eyes. Shouldn't he be a little happier? I tried to apologize.

"I didn't tell you to _sing_ Stay," Selena rolled her eyes as if that was a stupid conclusion. That was exactly what she told me to do. "I told you to beg."

I didn't think she was literal with that verb. I wasn't sure if she'd noticed, but I didn't beg for anyone.

"You aren't gonna be able to sing your way out of this," Demi defended Selena.

"What am I supposed to do?"

They looked at each other, making eye contact for the first time all tour before they whipped back around to me, saying one word at the exact same time. "Beg."

And they really thought they hated each other?

I clenched my jaw. "I'm not a fucking dog, how do you expect me to do that?"

"Stop hiding behind your self-pride," Demi instructed. "You need to go in there, let your walls down, and say it like you mean it."

"I _do _mean it."

"So show it."

"He wouldn't listen to me if I tried," I fought. I knew Nick.

"And when have _you_ ever tried?" Demi challenged me.

"A lot!"

"Then try again," she rolled her eyes, turning to walk away, dragging Selena with her. I wasn't exactly sure what she was expecting to do with Selena, but didn't really care at the moment. I just needed to get away from him. Before I went insane. But first, I had to at least try to make things right with him. I did love him, after all.

I looked over to Nick who was still sending hateful glances in my direction ever two seconds, not even able to hide his emotions. Why couldn't he just understand that I was sorry? I really was. I took a deep breath, walking up to him, making complete eye contact when I got there, something i didn't do often.

"Can I talk to you?"

"No," he told me walking away.

I shrugged. Well, I tried. If he didn't wanna listen what was I supposed to do, stalk him until he did? That wasn't me, and as hurt as I was without him, I refused to change.

I went into my dressing room, quickly changing. Was I supposed to feel happy about not having him or terribly heartbroken? Because I still wasn't sure which one I felt. Lately all these feelings have just been so overpowering, overwhelming, that I couldn't sort them all out. They were running through my head and giving me a headache, but I didn't have the energy to sort them anymore. I checked my wig one last time before making a beeline to my bus, ready for safety.

But it wasn't safe any more. I stopped dead in my tracks when I walked on.

"Why are you here?"

Nick turned around as I shut the door, his face falling when he just saw me. "Joe said Selena needed to talk to me about something important."

I nodded, going to the back, my heart falling more than it should. I was getting replaced again.

"You singing songs won't get you anywhere, just so you know," he mumbled as the bus started moving. If we weren't so interested in the other, maybe we would've noticed that it started moving without Selena, the person Nick came for, actually on it and that this was all some big plan, but we didn't. We simply kept going at it.

I turned, not exactly sure what he was trying to say. "What?"

"It won't," he shrugged.

I looked up surprised, raising an eyebrow at him. Songs always got me somewhere. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just what I said. Stay won't help anything between us. Singing that was immature and unprofessional."

"Sorry, for trying to show you I feel bad."

"Right now _you're_ being immature and unprofessional. Don't get defensive over constructive criticism," he instructed like an asshole.

"I'm not," I shook my head, trying to keep calm. "I just-" I cut off. "I'm sorry, okay? And I know-"

He looked taken aback, but still had the courtesy to interrupt me.

"You know what? That you never cared about me?"

I paused, looking at him genuinely pissed off, the anger I was trying to control raging out. Now that went too far. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He kept a straight face, those brown eyes giving no mercy. "Really? Really? I never cared? I _always_ cared. I wrote half a novel about you, a bajillion songs, then you're the only person that I actually let see the real me, all of it. You know me better than Demi, and I know you better than anyone else, I could probably list the different quirks you have in my sleep, and you have the nerve to say that I never cared? I _loved _you."

He shook his head. "With you that doesn't prove anything anymore."

"Why are you being so mean?"

"You can't even say that anymore," Nick growled. "You aren't the innocent thirteen year old who had the right to say that, no, now you're just as mean as the rest of us."

"No-" I paused, a small light catching my eye from the computer. I squinted, only confirming my thoughts of what the bright white light was and couldn't stop the anger that was flowing through my veins. All that anger that I'd been holding in. "Is that a webcam?" I stared at the computer before looking at Nick. "Is that a fucking webcam? Do we look like some television show to you?"

"I don't know what they're trying to pull," he sighed, obviously just as stressed as I was.

"Assholes!" I marched over to the laptop flicking whoever was off watching it off before throwing the computer across the room at the wall, watching it break. "Fucking cunts!"

"Miley-" His eyes were wide, completely shocked I just did that but I was sick and tired of this. All of it.

"_What_?" I spat. "There, now you aren't being fucking videotaped, what?"

He just stared at me, completely unsure of what to say.

"You know what? I don't even care."

"Miley," he took a step closer.

"No. Don't fucking touch me," I took a step back. "_Fuck _them. Fuck them, fuck them, fuck them. And fuck you, fuck everyone! God, I want off of this fucking tour, get me off. I hate this! I fucking – God, I want to get out of here," I sobbed, completely breaking down suddenly, screaming, scratching my face and wishing I could pull my hair out. I didn't know what came over me, but suddenly I couldn't hold it in. "I quit, I want to get out, fuck all of you!"

"Miley-"

I walked forward, trying to push past him but he blocked me.

"I hate you all. Just let me go. I quit. Leave," I screamed at him before going over to the door and pounding on it. "Let me out. I – I hate this tour. I hate being famous, I don't want to be here."

"Miley," Nick repeated.

I went back up to Nick, trying to pass him but he blocked me again.

"Miley," he kept saying it. He had to stop saying it. "Miley."

"I'm sorry, I swear I am," I cried. "Just, let me go, let me go, Nick."

"Miley," he kept saying, wrapping his arms around me. "Miley."

"Stop it! Don't call me that."

"Mi," the tears came faster at the nickname, "Mile, MiCy, Ley, Miles, Princess, Cyrus, Mi-Mi-"

"_Stop_!" I screeched.

He started rubbing his hand up and down my back slowly, staying strong. "You need to calm down, Angel."

"Let me go," I whimpered.

"Don't do anything you'll regret," he kept ignoring me, keeping me safe in his arms.

"I won't regret this, I can promise you that. I will not regret running away, not now, not ever."

"Tell me that in the morning." He led us both to the back room, laying me down in the bed before he climbed in beside me. "Just go to sleep, Angel."

"No, not until you stop being nice to me, you hate me, don't pretend, admit it, you hate me. Everyone fucking hates me and I'm just sick of it-"

"Miley, I said to calm down, alright? I could never hate you and you should know that." I shut my eyes tighter, not wanting to hear his lies. He lifted my head up. "Open your eyes."

I wouldn't.

"Open your eyes, Miley."

I couldn't.

"_Miley._"

I did.

I looked at him and his eyes were so honest and pitiful. He looked at me and I could tell he was trying to convince me with everything he had in him. He was telling the truth. "I could never hate you. You are my favorite, but… Just sometimes you fuck it all up so bad."

"I'm so sorry," I held myself there, but as if he read my mind he pulled me in closer to him, letting me soak his t-shirt.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow," he sighed, starting to stroke my hair. "Calm down, it's okay."

I couldn't fight with him even when I tried. I was crying too hard, no breath left for words.

"You're fine, just sleep," he murmured.

"S-" I gasped for air, hiccupping and crying and hating myself for having this breakdown in the first place nevermind in front of him. "Sing."

"Yeah?" he asked. I nodded, calming down. Not a lot, but just a little.

He took a deep breath, and I knew in that moment he would have done anything I asked. Sometimes I wonder why I only asked for a song.

_For the longest time I thought I'd lost the best of me__  
But I'll be damned if I quit now and that's for sure  
All I ever wanted was for you to look at me  
And know I'm all yours._

_Like the penguins need their wings for deep cold water dives  
Like the earth needs the moon to keep it on course  
When you touch me, I know there is purpose in my life  
Just know I'm all yours._

I closed my eyes, going deeper into his chest and taking in his scent, not sure if it'd be the last chance I had to do it, letting him continue singing. The sound of his voice calmed me down.

_I've been wondering if you could ever realize  
That we're growing up so fast, and it's insane  
My dear, our hearts have gotten good at pumping cheap new lust  
Into our young veins_

I wasn't sure what song this was, or where he heard it, but I liked it. Especially when he sang it. Because it meant things would be okay. That somehow, things might just work out.

I knew that I'd have a lot of explaining to do in the morning, but just for this one night that was okay. I felt my breathing get deeper and my tears get more spaced out. For now I could live in this dream that we'd be alright.

_I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you__  
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest  
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along  
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs._

**_ i haaaate this chapter so much but i've been really busy and just haven't had time to rewrite it, then i figured it's already been too long without an update. so here you all are. hopefully you enjoyed... the song in this is Come What May by The Scene Aesthetic. there's a lot of family problems right now, so that either means i'll be updating a lot more or a lot less. ha, hopefully more, i guess. hope you enjoyed it. thank you for reading._**

**_:)_**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen.**

I woke up alone in bed the next day. Figures he'd leave me. I'd leave me too. I sat up, looking into the mirror and trying to straighten out the wig. I still couldn't look at myself without it.

I stood up, going and opening the door to go out. I went to the kitchen but stopped short when I saw the crowd that was gathered in my there.

"I didn't even know what to do, that wasn't a breakdown for attention or even to quit tour, that was her ready to go out and happily get hit by a car," Nick told them, his back to me.

The all sat there in silence and I met eyes with Demi as she pushed past everyone, hugging me tight. I wasn't sure what had changed in the hours that we were apart, maybe it was that I opened up, but it felt like I hadn't seen her in years. That heartfelt of a hug from her made me want to cry.

"I missed you."

I smiled while I hugged her back, squeezing her a little before going and grabbing a water bottle. Demi took out some crackers, giving me a pointed look to eat them.

"I tried calling you like, a billion times, don't scare me like that," she lectured.

I smiled apologetically, not willing to really apologize. Because I wasn't sorry for not picking up.

"You alright, Mi?"

I nodded, sipping the water slowly.

"Say something then," she sighed, looking at me.

"I'm fine," I whispered so only she could hear.

She shook her head as if she could read on my mind that I was lying. "You wanna talk about last night?"

"Not with you," I mumbled.

"Well, Nick's here, yeah?"

I shook my head. "No-"

"Kev? Joe?"

I coughed a little. "Can I just talk to Dani?"

Demi studied me before looking at Joe and approving of that. "Of course you can."

She got up, letting Dani come over but I shook my head, leading her to the back room instead. I didn't want them eavesdropping. I shut and locked the door before turning to her and just giving her a hug. She gave the most comforting hugs.

"What'd you do, Mile?"

"I fucked up and you know that," I muttered into her shoulder. "But then I had a huge breakdown, but I – I didn't even know what was happening and it all was just so built up and bottled in that it came out."

"They want it that way," she promised, stroking my hair like an older sister would do. "They want to know what's going on with you."

"But I don't want to be a burden," I whined. "I only took you in here because I knew they'd all expect me to actually vent."

"Tell me the truth," she instructed, those soft understanding caramel eyes searching mine, "what's been goin' on with you lately?"

"I can't tell you," I shook my head. "But don't worry about it, okay?"

She gave me a sympathetic smile. "I'm not Nick, Sweetie."

"I know you aren't," I grinned.

"You can tell me anything, you know that."

"I want to, it's just-"

"No more excuses, not after last night," she said strictly. "You know that I hate making people tell me things but obviously this is hurting you. That's not okay either."

"It's just Nick and Selena getting to me again-"

"Don't use that excuse on anyone else, okay? It's not even up to your regular standard of made up lies," she told me and I smiled a little at just how well she knew me. "C'mon, you know I won't tell anyone. Especially for you. For you I wouldn't even tell Kevin if you didn't want me to."

"You wouldn't?" I sat down on the bed, looking up at her.

"Just say the word."

"I'll tell you," I agreed. "But whatever I say in here doesn't get told to anyone. Especially not any of the Jonas'."

"Meaning Nick and Joe don't know."

"Not even close," I sighed, pulling up my computer and opening my schedule. "There, read it."

"Wake up call, meds, lunch, free time, meds, soundcheck, sleep, meds," she muttered to herself looking up at me completely confused. "Why so many drugs?"

"Go to two days from now."

She flipped through the pages, reading it, mumbling once again. "Wake up call, doctors, chemo, sleep, sleep, sleep, soundcheck, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, perform, sleep – what is this?"

I looked down.

"Miley, what's going on?"

"That's my schedule," I repeated.

"Well I got that," She looked at me concerned. "I want you to tell me what's going on with you, though? You can't expect me to look at that and not have you explain."

I looked away, feeling like I was that immature fifteen year old who couldn't do confrontation.

"Do you," she started, stuttering in the middle. "Are you sick?"

I nodded, wiping the tears in my eyes. I hated thinking about this, remembering how I can't do anything but pray about this.

"Cancer?" she repeated. I jumped, instantly hushing her to a whisper. "Miley, this isn't a secret, you need to go tell them."

"I will, just not now. Nick's gonna think I just want sympathy and get all worried-"

"Why are you so calm about this?" she was trying her best not freak out, but I could tell that right now even Dani – _Danielle _of all people – was having trouble controlling herself. "This is a big deal, you can't pretend it's not."

"I'm used to it, okay?"

"Used to it?" her eyes suddenly narrowed and I knew I'd said the wrong thing. "How long have you known about this?"

"Awhile, I don't know-"

"Tell me," she requested softly. "Please."

"Since three days before tour, but it's okay, I'm fine-"

"But you need to tell them," she whispered, looking towards the door. "I can't believe you haven't already, they deserve to know."

"The timing is bad right now," I justified.

She shook her head, the only one who immediately knew the comeback I had been waiting for. "The timing will always be bad. That doesn't mean they shouldn't know."

"Well, it's more that Nick can't know," I explained. "And Kevin and Joe would tell him. That's the only reason they can't."

"And how do you think this is helping Nick?"

"I don't want him to worry," I sighed.

Dani shook her head. "You're just being selfish. He should know and I know you know that. You believe he should too-"

"I explained myself, I don't think he should."

"You justified yourself," Dani pointed out. "You know he deserves more, and that you don't deserve to have this all bottled up. What happened last night is proof that it isn't doing you any good."

"Dan-"

"I only want what's best for everyone, you know that," she murmured. I sat there, nodding, looking away. "You wanna talk about it?"

I once again shook my head. "Not right now."

"I don't want to be the bad guy, Mi. You just, sometimes I wonder if you even know how much he loves you."

Oh, I definitely knew.

She laughed a little. "He's tried to stop so many times, even convinced himself a few times, but there are times when you just see him staring at his phone and you just know that it's you he's waiting for."

Story of my life. I sighed, about to run a hand through my hair but hesitating and stopping last minute.

"And the crazy thing is, I don't think he knows how much you love him either. You're a wreck without him, and I don't think you realize the half of it," she laughed a little, shaking her head. "You both just need to open your eyes a little wider and maybe you'd finally last."

"He'll never forgive me, not after last night, or after what I did." Oh, God. The memories were all coming back, flooding my mind.

"He will. I promise," Dani told me softly. "Give him a chance for once."

"I have. I've given him plenty and I know this time, Dani. I feel it."

She shook her head. "No. You haven't. You've never really opened him like you did before, not once since you guys first broke up."

"I-"

"I'm not finished!" she interrupted me and I sunk back down. "You haven't given yourself to him fully and he keeps trying to prove himself to you, because he knows you're still hurting from the last time, and all he wants you to do is trust him. He loves you more than anything in this world, but you're so hidden, and to be honest I love you, I really do, you know that, but if I were him I would've given up a long time ago."

My eyes suddenly filled with tears. I would've given up a long time ago too if I were him. I wasn't worth all this.

"Don't get me wrong, I would've given up a long time ago on him too if I were you, but he obviously loves you. Be brave and love him back for once."

"I do," I whispered. "You know that, right?"

"I know that," she assured. "Maybe it's time to let him know."

"Not now."

"You're gonna have to face all this eventually, Mi," Dani promised me.

"I know I will, it's just…" I shook my head, wiping my eyes and finally looking at her, suddenly telling the truth for once. "I'm really scared."

"You should be," she forced out a smile. "But you don't need to go through this alone."

"I have Demi, it's just-"

"Demi isn't the best support system," Dani nodded, laughing a little. "We all know that."

"I don't want to worry her either. She already has so much to handle and I don't want last year to repeat itself," I ranted, going to run a hand through my hair again and stopping short before I pulled the wig off on accident.

"It isn't fair to you not to be able to talk about this, though. Because it's a big deal, it's huge."

"I know," I sighed.

"I'm here. I mean, I know you aren't as close to me as everyone else, but you know I'm here," she swore. "Come on my bus anytime you need me. Just knock first."

"I know you are," I smiled gently, wrapping our arms together. "Thanks for listening. You're one of the only people who I know that will and won't yell at me about how stupid I am after."

"They love you," she promised, getting up. "Meaning you have to face them eventually."

I nodded, following her to the door. "Thanks, Dan."

She opened it and I let her go out first before I followed, simply going to the couch and sitting next to Demi, letting her wrap her arm around my shoulder.

They all turned, just staring at me for awhile, Dani going next to Kevin. I smiled. "I'm fine, guys. I promise."

"Mi-"

"Demi, shut it," I warned, glaring at her.

She pursed her lips before growling. "Fine. Of course you are."

"Are you sure? Because you know we'll always make time for you," Joe winced.

"I'm sure. I just – there's so much pressure with the cameras and tour makes it even harder seeing all the fans-"

"Liar," Demi whispered into my ear soft enough so only I could hear while Dani and Selena both shot me disappointed looks.

"Just, don't do anything reckless, okay?" Joe asked softly. "I don't want you going back to him."

I nodded, glancing at Demi. "I won't."

"She doesn't have the option anymore anyway," Demi squeezed me reassuringly.

Nick looked at me across the room, waving me over. I leaned farther into Demi but she practically shoved me off. "Talk to him."

I sighed, walking over and he took my hand, bringing us to my bunk. For the first time I sat on it with him, both of us across from each other in silence.

"Are you still mad?" I finally asked.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair and shaking my head. "I think you're so _so_ stupid for doing it and I'm crushed, but I can't be mad at you."

"Yes you can, I'd rather it," I protested. "Yell if you want, or something."

"I'm not gonna-"

"Do it, let me know how you feel," I begged, not feeling right just getting away with it. I grabbed his hand. "Please, _show_ me how you feel."

"You don't wanna know-"

"I do," I instantly shot as he pulled me closer on his lap, holding me, burying his head into my neck. "I swear I do."

"Are you sure?"

"No holding back," I confirmed.

He bit his lip for awhile before finally exploding. "I thought you were better. I'm – I actually believed you knew what you doing, and I think you're so incredibly stupid for doing that, but another part thinks I'm stupid for thinking you gave yourself limits. And I fucking cried over you all night last night, trying to convince myself I hated you, because it'd be easier that way – you know it would. I wish I couldn't stand you and I wouldn't need to suffer after every time you screwed up and be so disappointed every single – oh, shit. Miley, don't cry. I didn't – c'mon, Angel. It's okay, I'm not – I'm over it, you know-"

"Keep going," I told him. He hesitated as if to say no, but as hard as it was to hear, I had to. Because he'd obviously been bottling this up long enough, and his words might be the only words that would make me feel better.

He took a deep breath, stroking my hair as if that would make his words sound better. "Honestly, if you want the truth, the only reason I'm forgiving you is because I love you so fucking much and the last time we let something get out of hand… I just can't lose you again, and I don't know what's going on with you but last night wasn't because of pressure."

"I'm sorry," I untucked myself from his arms, wrapping both of mine around his body. "I'm so sorry, you need to believe that."

His eyes darted around mine before he slowly nodded. "I do."

"I don't mean to disappoint you it just – happens," I looked down as he chuckled a bit, mumbling the last part. "That wasn't supposed to sound as stupid as it did."

"It's okay," he told me. "We're okay, _you're_ gonna be okay. I promise."

He was making a promise he couldn't keep. But I nodded anyway. He laid down. "I love you so much, Miley. You don't even know what I would do if I ever lost you."

My head was on his chest, eyes fixed to his feet as I nodded. "I love you too, Nicky."

"You know I hate that name."

"I still think you're lying about that."

"I'm really not."

I shrugged, looking up at him with a small smile. "Well I still like it."

He propped himself up, leaning down towards me. "Oh yeah?"

I scooted back, needing more space between us. I was about to kiss him in that position.

"Mhm. You really like it, and I like it, so I guess I'll just call you that forever."

He laughed, shoving me a little. "Whatever. Your world is so different from reality."

"No, your world is different than reality."

"Please, in your world everyone gets along-"

"That could be the real world if people were nicer."

"Because you were _so_ nice to Demi and Selena back then."

I shrugged nonchalantly. "We are best friends, thank you very much."

"_Now_," he laughed a little, leaning back. "And when you released your CD on Selena's birthday?"

"Did I really?" I looked up at him shocked and he shook his head. I didn't fool him for a second. "Must've been bad timing."

"That must be it. _My _Miley would never do that," he smirked.

I shook my head innocently. "Nope."

It was quiet for awhile.

"You're gonna be okay, right?"

I looked up at him, forcing the best acting smile I could. "With you here I will be."

"I love you _so_ much, I can't lose you, so you better not be lying."

I felt my heart drop down a cliff. "I'm not."

"Good. And no more breakdowns, okay? Talk to someone before it gets that far, you scared me."

"I didn't mean to," I promised. "I promise I'll talk someone. Swear it."

"Did you mean any of what you said?"

Yeah. Yeah, I actually meant most of it. Every day I was hating fame a little bit more.

"No," I told him. "Just the stress talking."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," he smiled softly, bringing me in and giving me one last hug before getting up. "And so you know," he paused, turning back to me and looking down the hall once to make sure no one was eaves dropping. "I meant what I said before, about you and me. I still care, Miley. But we need to sort life out first."

I nodded, smiling back at him in the gentlest way. "I know."

We'd work out someday… I hope.

**thank you guys for all the lovely reviews last chapter. they really made me smile:) so here's another! hope you liked it.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

"Will you paint my nails?" I asked, looking up at Nick. We were sitting on my tourbus, everyone else out. It was weird how quickly everything returned to normal after my little breakdown, but I was glad no one was too caught up in it. Even Nick and I were back to normal again and it was nice. Fantastic, even.

He shot up, furrowing his eyebrows at that request. "_What_?"

"Please? It makes me feel closer to you."

"Miley, you should know better than anyone. I'm straight. I don't paint nails."

"Please? For _me_," I smiled.

He came closer, smirking a bit. "And what makes _you_ so special?"

"I'm your angel. Remember?"

He shook his head. "How could I forget."

"So, is that a yes?" I smiled.

We had a staring contest for a few seconds before he finally let out a defeated breath nodding a little. "One condition: I get to pick the color."

I bit my lip, looking into the colors before nodding. This would just be good blackmail no matter what color.

"Okay, here, any color," I thrusted the bin at him.

He picked one out, shaking the bottle and unscrewing the cap. I laughed a little. He knew that he had to shake the bottle. "You've done this before?"

"Shut up before I change my mind, superstar."

"Alright, alright," I shrugged. "Does it have to be pink?"

"Yup."

"No, I like this color more," I whined, holding up the light gray bottle filled with sparkles.

He shrugged. "Okay, then you can paint it yourself and make it whatever color you want."

I was quick to grab his wrist, stopping him from leaving. "No. You do it."

"Pink it is," he smiled, taking the brush out and beginning to paint.

"A thin layer now."

"Yes, Miley."

"Why didn't I ever think of this when we were dating? New favorite thing for us to do," I rambled.

He shook his head, concentrating not to get any on my skin. He wasn't doing too bad so far. "I liked our dating activities a little more than this."

"I know, I'm pretty good at making out, huh?"

He met eyes with me, both of us giving each other a mischievous smile.

"You weren't too bad," he replied after awhile. "Nice to see you haven't lost your subtleness."

"Now that won't ever happen."

"I think this color looks pretty on you," he noted. Did he really? Well, looks like I'll be painting my nails pink more often.

"Thanks," I smiled.

He met eyes with me, stopping the painting for a few seconds before he looked back down.

"I'm gonna hold your hand. To keep the nails still so I don't mess up," he explained quickly. "Unless you don't want me to-"

"That's fine," I wanted to laugh at his attempt to be nonchalant about it.

He nervously took my hand in his, shaking at first but relaxing when I squeezed it reassurance. His eyes darted to make sure I was really okay with it before beginning to paint again.

"I can paint your nails after if you want."

"No way in hell," he muttered.

"So, I kinda feel like I need to say sorry that Selena said no," I stuttered out. But it seemed like years ago now. Not just a few weeks. It was surreal to think that it'd only been a few weeks since all that drama had happened.

Nick shrugged, blowing on my nails to make the paint dry, looking up at me, and starting another coat. "Why? It's not your fault."

I looked down. "It kind of is."

"How?"

"Well, I kinda overheard Demi saying something-"

"_Miley_," he complained already. "How many times have I told you not to eavesdrop?"

"I didn't try to, they were just there and they were talking and then we came up so I _had _to stay, and she mentioned how she said no to you because of me," I quickly explained myself. "She likes you."

"A lot of people like me," he grinned. I just scoffed, rolling my eyes. "Why would she say no because of you?"

"I don't know, she didn't say," I bit my lip. We both knew why she'd say no because of me.

"Do _you_ like me?"

"Nick-"

"I'm just asking," he defended.

I sighed, looking at him while he became quite interested in my nails. "Do you really want to do this?"

"Do what?"

"Get into talking about relationships again, because you know that once we do we'll talk about how great it was and ignore the fights, then we'll wanna try something-"

"Do you wanna try something?"

"I-No, I mean, not unless you wanna try something." Damn it. There he went again, making me stutter.

He looked up, his brown eyes meeting mine. "It's up to you. You know that."

I nodded, smiling a little bit. "What are we gonna do?"

"Well-"

"Are you painting her nails?"

We both jumped about a foot, turning to see Demi. Shit, shit, shit, please say she didn't see anything.

"You said she wasn't gonna be back for hours," Nick grumbled, obviously upset.

I blushed a little. "I wanted you to stay."

"Don't be embarrassed, Nick. I'm sure a lot of guys do this for their ex-girlfriends."

"Demetria," I warned.

"Oh, Demi-"

"Nicholas," I hissed, snapping at him. It was so natural to snap at him and know he'd take it just fine. He looked over to me. "One comment and you're dead."

"Miley-"

"Don't Miley me."

"Yeah, don't Miley her," Demi smirked, setting her bag on the table.

I turned to her, giving an exasperated look. "You, shut up."

"I'm just saying-"

"Demi, can you please go back to Joe," I begged, glancing at Nick. He was so frustrated at her timing right now and her comments weren't helping. "I'll talk to you inside, okay?"

"Fine, fine," she stood up, walking back out. "Have fun painting nails."

The door closed and I turned to Nick, sighing. "I'm sorry. I texted Joe to distract her."

"She ruined our moment," he pouted like a baby, still tense and upset.

I sighed, getting out of my chair and carefully massaging his back, making sure to keep my nail polish off of his shirt. "Calm down, okay?"

"I can't, she – I can't believe her sometimes, you know?"

"Nicky, it's okay," I promised him. Then, I took a deep breath gathering all my confidence to kiss him on the corner of the mouth. "Let's just finish this. Then if you're still cranky I'll kick you out. But if you're not, maybe we can, you know… see what's still there and what's not."

I walked back to my seat only for him to grab me around the waist, pulling me onto his lap. "Sit here instead. Please?"

I nodded giving him my hand to put the final coat on the last three nails. I laid my head on his shoulder, trying to get him in a better mood. He was so immature sometimes with his temper-tantrums.

"Done. Now we just need to wait for it to dry," he announced. I nodded, looking up at him a little and standing up.

"Am I kicking you out or can you handle yourself?"

He sighed, giving me that apologetic grin. He knew I wouldn't actually make him say sorry.

"C'mon. Let's go to the back room," I took his hand, shutting the door behind us.

"So, how are we gonna do this?"

He shrugged, his cheeks turning red. "I could kiss you, I guess. I mean, you know, if you want."

I bit my lip. "Okay. On the count of three we'll kiss each other, alright?"

"Okay," he nodded.

"One," I leaned in a little, him doing the same.

"Two," he murmured.

"Three," I brushed his lips before fully connecting them. It started out awkward but within three seconds that was all pushed away. Oh, fuck, I missed that feeling.

His tongue brushed my bottom lip and I didn't hesitate to let him enter. He pushed me up against the wall, pinning my hands against it along with my body, in complete control. I was in charge of deepening these kisses, though, and things fell right back into place. It was like we never stopped doing this.

Then the devil interrupted us, banging on the locked door. "Miley! Nick! C'mon! We gotta head in."

We pulled apart, exchanging a secretive look. We both knew that the other felt something. There was no discussing it.

"I'll see you in my dressing room before the show," I smirked, leading us out.

"Oh, you will," he whispered, catching his breath.

Demi rose her eyes as we walked out together. I stayed behind to walk with her while Nick went ahead with his brothers.

"Alone in a private _locked _room… What was going on there?"

"Nothing," I shrugged, feeling my face burn with color. "We were just talking."

"Uh-huh."

"Really. That's it," I smiled as Nick turned back, making eye contact before turning back around.

"Ha! What was that?" she smiled that wide smile at me making me bite my lip.

"I'll tell you later. _If_ you stay out of my dressing room tonight."

Her eyes went wide. "Sure, alright, deal. Get some, girl!"

"Sh, not so loud. I don't want him to hear you," I whispered.

"What'd you say, Miley? Ni-"

I quickly covered her mouth, blushing rapidly. Oh, my, God. No. Please don't turn around, please don't turn around.

He turned around.

Damn.

:::

"What the fuck is going on?" Demi squealed the second we got on the bus. "Are you two…"

"Are we what?"

"You know, dating?"

I shook my head, scrunching my nose. "No way. It was just a kiss."

"So why aren't you going out again?"

"Because we're taking things slow," I explained.

"Slow?"

I nodded.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want the fights to start and the lies and just… everything's so much better simple," I told her.

She rose her eyebrows. "You're not dating him because you don't want to fight?"

I paused, hesitating. "Well… Yeah."

"What'd you and Nick fight on when you were a couple?"

Demi and I both turned to Selena in surprise. Why would she even ask that? Why would she ask me anything about Nick? And since when was she in here?

"Everything."

"Really?"

"Yeah," I shrugged.

"What was the most common thing?"

"You," I smiled a little, smirking as I got to watch her squirm a bit uncomfortably. "Just kidding, I had no idea who you were until you magically started dating him. My despise for you didn't start 'til February."

"Good to know," she rolled her eyes. "But, really, what did you two fight on?"

"Why do you wanna know?" I asked innocently, tilting my head to the side. She wasn't gonna tell me, though. So I gave in. "We fought on never seeing each other enough, his brothers interrupting us, my sisters spying on us, what else? Oh, then of course jealousy issues, and him not taking his insulin seriously, blowing it off… Really, everything."

She nodded, looking back down to her laptop.

"Why'd you wanna know?"

"Nick and I never fought."

I rose my eyes. With Nick it was pretty hard not to get frustrated with him at least once a day. "Really?"

"Yeah. Never. Not even a disagreement."

"That's good," I smiled, unsure. Where was she going with this?

She shook her head. "Hardly. I mean, you guys always made up so obviously it just brought you closer."

No, if only she knew how wrong that was. I loved Nick, don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved him with everything in me. If someone asked me to give it all up for him I would in a heartbeat. He was Prince Charming, and he always would be. But the pain the two of us caused each other… If I knew that I wouldn't be able to think of the past for more than five minutes without crying, heartbroken, I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't go through all of this again just to get to this point where I'm still unsure of what the hell's going on. I wouldn't go through all of this again if I had the choice.

"Did he yell a lot?" she moved topics before I could respond.

Demi was just listening intently, letting her snarky comments be silenced for a few minutes. Maybe she enjoyed watching me feel so awkward.

"He was so damn loud. I was asked if he had ever hit me before once by one of my dancers because he sounded so angry."

"I can't even picture him like that," she murmured, still in her own faraway world.

"Let me guess, he played the whole shy boy act for you," I asked, getting into the conversation now. Discussing Nick had to be the best thing in the world. I was actually good at it.

"Yeah, kind of."

"Hardly. Have you ever seen him drunk?" I smirked.

Demi's jaw dropped. "Nuh-uh. You got him drunk?"

I have to admit, even I was proud of that one. "2009 did perform miracles."

"He-"

"_How_?" Selena finished, both of them absolutely amazed. Selena came over, sitting with us as we all leaned over the table like this was the most exciting news in the world.

"We were mad at each other. Played never have I ever, just the two of us, going at each other's throats. In my defense, I was pretty drunk too," I shrugged. "A lot happened back in Tybee, don't ya know?"

"Any other good stories?"

I thought about it. "None that I'm gonna tell you willingly."

"Miley," Selena whined.

"C'mon, Mi."

I rose my eyebrows in shock. They agreed on something for once.

"I can't tell you, he'd kill me!"

"The kid barely talks, besides, you're the last person he'd _kill_," Selena laughed. "Spill."

I was still paralyzed. "Did you just say he barely talks?"

"Well, he talks, but you gotta admit he's pretty quiet."

"Hardly. If anything I was the listener in our relationship. _Me_. And do you know how much I talk?" I looked at Demi who nodded. "He literally always had a new story he had to tell me, or something to say that he just knew would make me laugh."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it – He's so bipolar," I finally settled.

"Cool, cool," Demi shrugged me off, "now back to these stories you have."

"Demi-"

"Did he ever do drugs?"

I groaned. "No."

"Gone off at a fan?"

"Yes. Wait! No. Maybe."

Selena crossed her arms, looking at me challengingly until I gave in.

"Okay, once."

"What was it over?"

"Me, but-"

"What happened?"

"I'm not talking about this. If you're gonna interrogate me continue before I leave."

"Okay, okay, feisty. Selena, you got any?"

I thought I'd died for a minute. Did she just acknowledge her?

Selena was just as surprised, stuttering before pulling herself together. "Has he ever talked dirty with you?"

I bit my lip. Oh, God. He did that more often than not when we were together. Even today the sexual comments were starting up again.

"Well that's a yes," Demi scoffed and I figured I must have been silent for awhile. "Have you ever talked dirty to him?"

"Is that even a question? Of course," I smirked.

"Have you guys ever gotten dirty?" Demi asked.

"It depends what you consider dirty."

"Make-out sessions for more than hour, hickies, seen each other naked, hand job, you know."

I wouldn't mention to her that we did every single one of those. I felt my face get red and tried to bury it in my hair but it did no good.

"No," I tried to lie for that one. It wasn't just embarrassing to him, but too personal for me. _Me_.

Demi shook her head. "Your smile gives it away right now. It's bigger than mine."

"I-"

"You naughty girl," she laughed. "This is too good, I'm never letting it go."

Selena nodded in approval, standing up maturely, a small smile on her face. "That's all I needed to know. Thank you."

"Wait-" I started to call her back, but Demi put an arm on my shoulder, silently shaking her head, not letting me call her back. I watched her walk away instead before turning to Demi, making sure to whisper so she couldn't hear. "What was that about?"

"She loves Nick too," Demi explained to her. "She just wanted to make sure she gave him up for the right reason."

"Oh, shit," I cursed. "She loves him and I totally went of talking about how close we are – damn it, why do I always need to open my mouth?"

Demi shook her head, glancing quickly towards the bunks. "It's exactly what she needed to hear."

She didn't seem sure, though, and we both knew Selena was hurting. Considering it was because of me I couldn't exactly help.

"Go check on her," I demanded.

Her eyes turned from sympathetic caring into hard and merciless within a second. "Excuse me?"

"Go."

"Miley, you and Selena are best friends, and that's cute, _really_, but me and her don't talk. We-"

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't in the mood for this. "Just go. You guys were best friends too, and you know that you miss it. So stop feeding me bullshit, suck it up, and go check on her."

She stared at me for a few seconds before glancing to the bunks and back to me. Eventually she stood up, walking in the same direction Selena did.

"You okay?" I heard her ask faintly.

I took a deep breath. Those jealousy issues that Demi had with Selena? I had them too. The fear that once they became friends again I'd be forgotten never left. And I was positive that one day, they would become friends again. It was a given.

Nick walked in and smiled at me, nodding to the private room we had in the back. I grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"They're having a deep conversation." It was so quiet that it was almost as if I was lip synching it.

He just looked at me blankly. "Selena and Demi?"

"No shit."

He nodded. "Interesting."

"Sure. So, you need to go."

He gave me that lopsided smile. "Why? We can do it here."

I bit my lip. He was pretty tempting, I wouldn't lie. "No. What if they come out?"

"Not my problem."

I rolled my eyes, grabbing his hand and taking him into the bathroom.

"This is getting serious," he remarked, looking around. He opened the cabinet, smiling as he pulled out a box, reading the label out loud. "Miley."

"Don't look at that!" I snatched the hygiene products away from him. "Those are private."

"Got something to hide?"

"My beauty secrets," I huffed, flicking my hair behind my ear.

I gave him a look and he quickly shut up. I loved having that power over him. "Are you gonna do anything?"

I hopped on the bathroom sink and he shook his head, coming over. He caressed my cheek, going painfully slow. "You're so beautiful," he murmured.

It had to be a lie.

"So, _so_ beautiful," he came a little closer. "You'll always be my number one."

"Don't say that," I whispered. "You're young."

"But it's true. They can try, but no one can be as amazing as you," he praised me, imagining some different version of me that must have belonged on a pedestal. "You're so beautiful."

I closed my eyes. He couldn't think that. Not when life for me was so unstable right now. I had to know that he was willing to move on, but I would never be able to ask considering he didn't know.

"You haven't met the good girls yet, then," I shrugged. "But who cares? We're keepin' it simple for now, right? Seeing if anything's still there."

"Yeah, exactly."

But we both knew from the second our lips touched earlier that there was something there. And there was nothing simple about this.

**there might be a lot of mistakes - sorry if there are! hope you enjoyed it, anyways:) **


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

I yawned as I sat in the chair, listening to the corporates of Disney drone on at our progress meeting.

"The sales have been going good," the Disney exec smiled, looking around at all of us. Nick squeezed my hand.

I turned to him. "Well I am Miley Cyrus. The sales better be going good."

He rose his eyebrows at me. "Don't get cocky, Angel."

I rolled my eyes turning back around. "What? It's just the truth."

"You won't be on top forever-"

"So might as well realize it while I am," I smiled cheekily at him, finishing the sentence for him. It probably didn't have the same ending as he was going to give me, but close enough, I'm sure.

"_Miley."_

"Nicky," I giggled softly.

"_Miley_," A voice repeated. But it wasn't Nick's. We both snapped our attention up and towards the exec. "We call for both of your attention please."

"My bad," I shrugged it off, turning around.

"Sorry," Nick stuttered. I rolled my eyes, sighing. Here come the stutters. "Sorry, won't happen again."

"Good to know," he gave Nick a fake smile before turning back.

"Anyways, back to the meeting. Any problems yet on tour?"

I felt Nick's hand on my thigh and tensed as it trailed upward, shoving his hand away. I thought he was nervous about getting in trouble.

He hid a smile as his hand went back and I shoved it away again.

"I don't think so," Joe looked around the table at everyone.

"Miley?"

I snapped my head up to look at him, smiling. "Yeah?"

"Any problems?"

"Oh, no," I smiled. "None. We're like one perfect happy dandy family."

"Good to hear," he sighed, obviously not energetic enough to mess around with me today. "Any suggestions?"

I trailed my finger up Nick's arm and saw him tense in reply.

"Yeah, I think Miley and Nick should stop flirting as much," Joe rolled his eyes. "Either that or get together. Thanks."

Nick blushed for real this time, turning away from me. "Sorry."

"Better than fighting," the Disney exec muttered. "Anything is better than their fighting."

"You guys know that couple in restaurants that sit on one side of the booth and make everyone sick?" Demi asked both of us. "You two are them."

I think even Selena cracked a smile at that one.

"Ms. Lovato, everyone focus," he brought us all back. "Is everything good?"

"Yeah," we all nodded, agreeing.

"Alright. Last call for complaints," we all looked around at each other before he nodded. "None? Okay, then I guess that's all we had to talk about."

We each got up, heading for the door. "Can we go out for breakfast?"

Everyone shrugged, nodding in agreement. Good. Because I was hungry.

"Miley, wait," one of the execs called out. "We want to speak to you privately."

"Why?" Nick asked before I could stop him. I turned around, smiling softly at him.

"It's fine, Nick. I'll be right out, okay?"

He didn't really have an option other than to nod. I watched him leave before walking back over, making sure that smile on my face was exaggerated.

"Yeah?"

"Do they know yet?"

"Weeelllll," I sang. "It's kind of like a half and half deal right now.

"So, which half knows?"

"My family, a few dancers, Demi, Dani, Selena – Taylor Swift apparently knows, but that wasn't my choice at all-"

"So basically anyone who isn't a biological Jonas?"

"Uh, well, yeah. Yeah, I guess you could put it like that."

"Miley," he sighed. "The boys have to know. They're going to find out one way or another-"

"I'm gonna tell them, alright?"

And I would. Eventually, I'd come clean with it all. I was just putting that moment off.

"Well, you see, that's what we called you here for," he interjected. "Do you even feel like you can handle a tour-"

"I'm not dropping out," I told them defiantly. "I will personally ruin this company if anyone even tries to make me drop out."

"We won't," he promised. "So you can handle this, then?"

"I run this tour."

"Okay. And you and Gomez really aren't having any problems?"

"Nope," I smiled. "We're solid."

"And her and Demi?"

"Nope," I lied. "They're solid."

"And you and the Jonas'-never mind. We all saw you and Nick," he smiled at me a little. "You'e doing good, kiddo."

"Thanks," I grinned. "Can I go now?"

"Go ahead," he laughed. "Remember, we're always a phone call away!"

"I won't be calling," I told him over my shoulder, laughing as I walked away.

I went over to where everyone was waiting and smiled, waving.

"What'd they want?" Nick asked.

"Oh, just confirming there's no issues."

"So they picked _you?"_ Joe laughed.

I spun to look at him, raising my eyebrows. "You wanna go?"

"Bring it."

"Oh, it's already brought."

"Stop it, you two," Nick came over, putting his hands on my shoulders and spinning me around to face him. "You're picking where we eat-"

"McDonald's," I instantly stated, not even needing to think about it.

Nick held out his hand as they placed money in his palm. He smirked, nodding at me. "Way to go, Mi."

"What-" I looked at Demi who simply glared at me. "Huh?"

"We bet on where you'd pick."

"You said your favorite fast food is Arby's."

I shrugged, not remembering that, but held my hand out to Nick. He looked down taking it and I shook his away. I didn't want to hold his hand. "I want the money you just got."

"No," he looked at me seriously. "Miley, c'mon. Don't."

"Give me it," I repeated sternly.

He rolled his eyes pulling the four twenty's out of his pocket and shoving it into my hands. I walked around, giving it to the rightful owners before walking back.

"Now, twenty from you," I held out my hand.

"For what?"

"For betting on me!"

He growled pulling out his wallet and shoving a ten into my hands.

"Thank you," I leaned up kissing his cheek and softly patting it. "Now, let's go to get lunch."

He nodded, still pouting as he followed Joe out the door and I stayed back with Demi and Selena.

"Thanks for my money-"

"Shut up," I laughed, shaking my head. "You two all made up, then?"

"We're working things out," Demi confirmed, chancing a glance at her best-friend. Not me, but the other one. "We know it can't be the same, but we're trying."

"Good for you guys," I grinned.

"And you and Nick?" Selena laughed. "You two seem to be all made up."

"We're trying," I sighed. "It's hard, but… I don't know. I'm trying to be optimistic."

"Is it like 2007?"

I shook my head. "Even better. 2006. It was just – right now it feels too good to be true."

"I think you want to go out with him again," Demi smirked.

"Haven't you ever heard that mixing business with pleasure is a huge no-no?"

"Puh-lease. You and Nick are the definition of mixing business with pleasure," Selena laughed.

"We are not!"

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure you got him on your tour the first time because he was your boyfriend."

"We're just friends," I protested.

Demi shook her head, but Selena contradicted me. "I know from experience how hard it is to be just friends with someone who you were never really over in the first place. It's nothing to be ashamed of, really."

"I was over him!" I fought. "Just… you know how things change."

"Really? 'Cause I think we can all agree you just used Liam. And Justin. And Lucas. And-"

"Alright, Demi," I shoved her a little. "Shut up."

"Mi," Nick waved me over to go by him, and not wasting a second I ran over, grabbing his hand. He squeezed it a little, laughing at me. "You seem rather happy."

"I'm gonna be with you all day," I grinned.

He nodded enthusiastically. "Because it's not like that every day."

"Usually I'm still sleeping," I laughed with him.

"You wanna go out tonight, or no?"

I shrugged. I wanted it more than anything but I wouldn't tell him that. He could decide.

"Yeah, that's a yes," he laughed. "What time's the concert over tonight?"

"I dunno. Elevenish?"

"Be at my bus as soon as you finish. Dress casual."

"But I'm in the mood to dress up." I wasn't really, but it was always worth challenging him.

"Sucks for you."

"Where we going?"

"You'll see," he smiled. I could tell that he had something exciting planned.

He walked away again, catching up to Joe and doing some sly handshake while I went back to Demi, glaring a little bit. What was he up to?

:::

"Close your eyes," he repeated again. He was covering them so tightly that I wasn't sure how exactly he expected me to be able to open them or even if I could I'd never be able to see anything.

"This is childish," I whined.

"It's worth it," he rubbed my back and I instantly had goosebumps. "Tonight is gonna be special, I promise."

"Does my mother know where I am?" I quizzed. She'd kill me if she didn't.

"Of course," he laughed. "But trust me, this took a lot of convincing."

"Are we almost there?"

"Yeah, a few more steps," he laughed. I heard him open a door and ran out of his hands before freezing, looking at it all.

The windows were large and clear and we had to be on a top floor. I gazed out, looking at the wonderful view of the city we had, the lights illuminating the place. I opened the door, stepping out on the balcony and looking back at Nick.

"This is amazing."

"Welcome to Atlanta," he wrapped his hands around my waist.

I placed my hands on top of his. "Can we just move here? This is – Nick, you've outdone yourself."

"I know," he smirked.

I turned around, kissing him before sitting on one of the chairs that were conveniently placed on the balcony. I sat in one, crouching myself before he sat on the other, the humid July air surrounding us both.

"My hair's gonna get frizzy."

"You'll look perfect," he assured.

I smiled, going over to him and grabbing his hand, leading him back inside.

"You really are wonderful, you know that?" I asked as I sat on the bed, waiting for him to come next to me.

"You are too, Miley."

"Yeah? You still think so?"

He shook his head. "I'll always think so. No matter what stupid things you do, I will always adore you."

I blushed, looking down. He really was my number one fan. It was no competition. Not a competition at all.

"You know when we went on that walk and you told me you still believed in me and knew I hadn't changed?"

"Yeah," he dragged out, stroking my hair while we just laid there.

"You said I'd never be a druggie or badass to you. That it would always just be Miley," I reminded him. "Do you still believe that?"

"What?"

"That I'm still worth that entire speech. Would you give it to me again if you could?"

"Absolutely," he kissed my forehead.

I looked away. "Even after the past few weeks?"

He sighed, but pulled me closer. "You made some huge mistakes, Mi… But that's not who you are. I know who you are, and I think you do too."

"I don't," I disagreed. "Not anymore. Everything's falling apart for me."

"You can always stop," Nick told me. I nodded. I knew that… didn't I? "But you don't want to do that either, do you?"

"I just need a break," I sighed, pushing hair back behind my ear. "But a long one. I need time to figure out who I am without the cameras, you know?"

"I get it."

"I haven't had that since I was twelve," I pouted.

"I know. And you deserve another one."

"Exactly," I nodded in agreement. "I don't mean to complain. I know I'm lucky, it's just… hard."

"I understand, Mi. I do."

"I know you do," I played with his curls, kissing his forehead. "You're probably the only one who really does."

"I'll always get it." He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me before pausing, pushing me back off. "Have you been eating?"

"Yeah, you just saw me eat at dinner," I laughed.

He shook his head. "You were not that skinny before. You've lost weight and there's no way to deny it."

"It's just from tour," I rolled my eyes. The truth was I had cut down eating because I'd been too afraid I'd puke it up later. That and then the treatment didn't help anything…

"Demi and Selena haven't lost that much weight."

"Well Demi and Selena are singers. I'm a _performer."_

He sighed, closing his eyes. "You're doing that thing."

"What thing?"

"Where you get defensive and insult other people when you realize someone is close to figuring out one of your many secrets."

"I-"

"And now you're gonna argue that it's not what I think."

I pursed my lips, annoyed. Yes, that is exactly what I was gonna say, the exact words but he didn't need to be such a know it all.

"Because it's not what you think."

He shook his head, getting up. "Don't move. I'll be right back."

So I sat there alone for thirty seconds flat before he came back with a plateful of oreos.

"Here, eat this."

"This is ridiculous," I hissed, taking them and putting one into my mouth. I saw him let out a breath of fresh air and rolled my eyes. Did he seriously think I wasn't eating? "Do you see how stupid you are now?"

He smiled, leaning against the bed. "I'd rather be safe than sorry, wouldn't you?"

"You don't need to worry so much," I leaned forward smiling. "I'd never be anorexic. Especially not after seeing Demi."

"It's hard to judge. You just have a tendency to get on the wrong path," he whispered softly.

I looked down. "I know how many fights I cause," I sighed. "I know how frustrating I am."

"And do you know how much I love you?"

"I think I do," I grinned. "I don't understand why, but, yeah, I know."

"I love you so much," he promised.

"And you aren't scared we'll get in another fight again? What if we ruin it?"

"We've had our fights, we'll have more fights, we'll probably be in one in the next five minutes because that's just what we do. We put each other through hell, and then we move on," Nick told me calmly. "We move on and love each other again. And I think no matter what, we're gonna make it to the altar."

"We aren't even going out yet," I mumbled.

"It doesn't matter. I don't need a title to know that I love you."

I shook my head an amused smile coming to my face. "You're right."

"Your mom said she needed you by seven thirty tomorrow morning," he changed the subject. "Oh, and she said not to have sex but either way she's giving you the day after pill tomorrow just to be safe."

My eyes widened and jaw dropped. "No she didn't!"

"Swear to God," he smirked. "So if you want to get busy-"

"You're done," I rushed to cover his mouth. That sentence would not be finished in my presence.

"But it's been such a long time-"

"Nicholas," I warned, daring him to continue. He gave me a mischievous smirk before coming closer.

"Fine. So, why do you have to leave so early?"

"Who knows?" I rolled my eyes, but I knew. I knew exactly why. My mom wanted to make sure I'd actually go to this appointment that was supposedly one of the most important ones yet. It wasn't like I wouldn't… Unless I was with Nick.

"Nothing to worry about then? You aren't _really_ Hannah Montana and living a double life are you?"

I glared, jumping on top of him and laughing, playfully hitting his arm. "You are going to regret that comment."

He leaned back, some goofy grin on his lips as he stared at me, feelings in his eyes that were so strong even I didn't know what to make of them. He laughed a at me a little, closing his eyes in relaxation.

"Make me regret it, Miley Cyrus."

**sorry, this was a filler! but i promise ill update really really soon. oh, and the next chapter is huuuge. just saying. like shit goes down. ok. hope you liked it! and sorry it took so long to update. i've been really busy then my aunt just died, soo yeaah... **

**have a gooood dayy(:**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

I quickly walked into the venue after coming back from chemotherapy, my mom right behind, too absorbed in her Blackberry to even noticed the worried expression on my face. A part of me wished she would at least ask what's wrong, but the other part realized that right now she was in manager mode. It wasn't her job to notice my emotional state.

Once I was fully backstage I scanned the room for Demi quickly, spotting her just as someone else came over to drag me away.

"Miley, the execs cleared you for missing sound check but you need to hustle in your dressing room," he talked so quickly, everything was in fast forward. I just kept nodding even though I didn't understand.

Going out on stage tonight was something I wasn't even so sure that I could do. I needed to talk to my best-friend. I didn't get what was going on, I had to tell someone what I had just found out before I went insane. I needed to talk to Demi.

It didn't matter, though, instead I followed commands, getting changed, wardrobe, hair, make-up, vocal exercises – the one day I want Nick to waltz in and announce I can't perform he doesn't?

I barely made it to my stage entrance on time with how busy they all kept me. I crouched down in the spot that I came up onto stage with and took a few deep breaths. I opened my eyes, immediately making eye contact with Dani who was shooting me continuous worried glances. I shook my head, sending her the false message that I was okay.

However, the second I came off stage that act came off. I didn't bother changing, looking around until my eyes hung on Demi. It was like she could feel my gaze and she instantly turned around, letting my defeated eyes meet hers. I nodded to a room and she walked over, going in first before I quickly followed, shutting the door.

She looked up at me, scanning me over and tried to smile. "I'm guessing chemo didn't go too well?"

She didn't know the least of it.

"I'm telling you something in confidence, okay? You can't tell anyone this," I warned, still unsure of whether or not I was telling the right person. Demi was my best-friend, no doubt about it, but this news was _huge_ and for a split second I debated telling Selena first... She just seemed better with this kind of stuff and she'd easily tell me what to do without a biased opinion. No, I regained my thoughts. I had to tell Demi first. I took a deep breath, continuing to preach what I needed her to vow. "That includes every single person on this tour. Especially my mom and Nick."

She furrowed her eyebrows, nodding a little. She was concerned and worried and anxious, just not concerned and worried and anxious enough. She was so unexpecting still."What's going on?"

"Chemo..." I droned off slowly. "Well, they took a few tests and some x-rays, and everything like that, and they think they found something."

"What do they think they found? Something good?"

I closed my eyes. Demi Lovato, this was not a Disney channel movie. No, they didn't find anything good, this was called Cancer. It wasn't a gift, but a curse. What good things could they find, exactly?

"Some more cells. They don't think it's going away. They say I'm not reacting to the chemo properly," I told her lowly. "They're running tests right now and calling me back sometime tomorrow. It took a lot of convincing to have them get back to me instead of my mom, but since I'm eighteen they really didn't have a choice... My mom doesn't even know yet! I'm - what am I supposed to do, Dem?"

Demi nodded, sitting down and looking at me serious, probably the most determined I'd ever seen her look before. "Well, what happens if the tests come back positive? Do they have another treatment?"

I closed my eyes. "This is the best they have right now. If the tests come back positive it's most likely gonna be terminal."

"What happens if it's terminal?"

I shrugged. "I stop chemo and wait, I guess. I don't know, Demi, I didn't really want to ask that question – I'm not even considering the idea of it being terminal. I'm just as scared as you are."

She reached her arms up, rubbing her eyes before rubbing her temples. "This has gone too far, Mi. You have to tell Nick. At this point you have to tell everyone. But, first things first. Nick has to know. You can't wait any longer."

"What? No."

"Do you not understand? When there was a high chance you'd live it was fine, but now this is your life that's in risk and he has absolutely no idea," she scolded me like I was oblivious to that. I knew that. God, did I know that. It was all that was repeating through my head on the plane, but the point was, how was I supposed to tell him? I already had to fight for my place against Selena, then this - finding out the love of his life is broken, sick, dying... I can't destroy him like that.

"It'll only hur-"

"No, you don't understand. No more excuses. You need to tell him," she growled. "You've kept it hidden too long as it is."

I wanted to. I shook my head. "I can't."

"Then I will," she shot back.

"No, Demi, you promised," I reminded her. That promise seemed like a lifetime ago, though. "You promised me when you walked in-"

"If there's any time to break a promise, now would be the time."

"Demi," I begged. "Demi, please. Don't do this."

She closed her eyes, shaking her head as tears came down. The worst part was knowing that I was the cause of those tears. "I can't keep this a secret anymore."

"Just another week," I tried to plead.

She shook her head, knowing me well enough to know that one more week wasn't just another week, but so much longer. "You have until after tomorrow's show. I'm telling him if he doesn't know by then."

"Demi-"

She shook her head, just walking out. I bit my lip, frustrated at how she didn't understand and screamed into my pillow before getting up and going in the bathroom to change. I was so done with this tour, I didn't want anyone else to know. I didn't even want to be here any more.

I pulled off my wig, throwing it across the room in anger knocking my make-up bag off the sink and happily watching everything break before my eyes. The powder spread out across the floor and the broken pieces of glass matched the broken streams of water rolling down my cheeks.

"Miley?" A timid voice asked. _Shit._

I froze, not willing to turn around, tears strolling down my cheeks. Shit, shit, shit, shit, _shit._

No, this couldn't be happening. Was his timing really this terrible? No. I wasn't ready to face the truth, he couldn't find out. I instantly turned slamming the bathroom door shut and locking it before falling to my knees.

He tried to open the door but the doorknob just jiggled, splitting us apart.

"Miley, let me in," he requested softly. I knew him too well, though, I knew that he was using his acting voice to coax me out. He wasn't really calm.

I wouldn't come out. "Go away, Nick."

"I'm holding your hair in my hands," he told me, murmuring the words. "I'm not leaving."

"I will talk to you tomorrow. Just leave the wig by the door and go. I can't deal with this tonight."

"Please," his voice cracked and I wiped my own eyes. He couldn't be crying. He just couldn't. "Miley:"

"Tomorrow," I repeated.

"Fine," he sighed. "I'm going, then."

I nodded even though he couldn't see and listened for the door to shut. I heard it click and just sat on the cold floor for awhile longer until I could be sure he left. I sat in there for a half hour just texting Mandy for awhile before calling Brandi. She would know what to do, she had to. In the roughest times of my life I was always able to turn to Brandi. If she was able to tell me what to do in my darkest times, she'd surely know just what to say now. Other than Nick she was the only one who completely understood me.

She answered on the third ring. Her voice was so cheery, I missed when mine was that way naturally, before I had to pretend to be so happy. "Hey, Mile. How's tour?"

"I need you here," I whimpered out, the words coming out of instinct, not because I wanted them to.

I heard her sigh. "I'm out of the country at the moment, Mi. Trace and I-"

"It's fine," I plastered on a smile and forced a laugh, recovering. "I'm fine, I just – I miss you, that's all."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, totally, I'm fine," I kept talking. "Where you guys at?"

"We went to Bristol first, but now we're in London, then I think we're going to Japan tomorrow," she listed off. I had never been more tempted to walk off of a tour and fly to them before. "How's everything going?"

"Great, it's fun," I wiped away a tear. "It's great, everyone's awesome."

She paused. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm amazing, never been better," I told her.

"And the cancer?"

I bit my lip. I couldn't tell her it might be terminal. I wouldn't be her buzzkill. Besides, it wasn't important until I found out for sure if it is or not. "It's going good. I mean, you know, chemo is shit, but they're getting it."

"All good news then, huh?"

If she believed the lies, then yes. All good news.

"It's been amazing," I confirmed. "Hey, look, I gotta go. Just thought I'd see how you were doing. Tell Trace I love him, okay?"

"Miley, wait," she stopped me. I didn't say anything, just breathed on the other end of the line. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine," I giggled. "I told you, I miss you, but I'll see you in a few weeks right?"

"Yeah, I'm visiting soon," she said unsurely. She knew that I wasn't okay, but wasn't confident enough to call me on it over the phone.

"Yeah, but I really do have to go. I love you."

"Alright. Bye, Miles. Love you too."

"See you," I hung up, sighing and looking at the time. I'd waited it out too long, it was time to go on the bus. Five minutes until we left.

I opened the door, grabbing the wig that Nick left there and turning to the mirror and putting it on. I fixed a few strands before turning around and grabbing my bag from the couch, stopping short when I saw that Nick still hadn't left. I'd almost forgotten why I'd even been hiding in the bathroom. But oh, I remembered now. It was crystal clear.

"What are you doing here?"

"I figured you had to come out eventually."

"I don't want to talk about it-"

"Too bad, because you need to," he demanded, not letting me have my way for the first time. He held his ground. "What's going on?"

"Nothing-"

"You're bald," he glared at me. "What the fuck is going on, Miley."

I stared at him for awhile before grabbing my bag, shaking my head and walking out. He didn't hesitate to chase me.

"I'll follow you all night if I have to," he told me half way to the bus.

I shook my head, continuing to walk onto the bus, looking behind me only to see him still there. It didn't look like he had any intention of stopping either. "Go away, Nick!"

"Not until I get an explanation," he ordered. Demi and Selena both watched us, exchanging glances as we marched through the living room. I went straight to the back room, slamming the door in his face. A quick bang followed it, him screaming at me through it. "Fuck you! Fuck you, Miley."

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" I screamed back. Great. Now we were both angry for not reason. Awesome, today's been fucking great.

"Damn it," I heard him mutter on the other side as I crossed my arms, just glaring at the piece of wood.

"What's going on?" Yay. Demi to the rescue. She'd be able to fix things... Not.

"I don't know, that's the problem," Nick groaned. "I-She won't tell me, but I know what I saw."

"What happened?"

"She was bald. And then she locked herself in the bathroom for a fucking hour and now she's still run-"

"Miley!" Demi called, angrily beating on the door. "Miley! Get out here."

I stood there.

"Miley!"

No. No way.

"I'm about to tell him."

"No you won't," I rolled my eyes.

I could almost picture that furious head shake she must be doing. The one she only did with me because I was the only one who defied her enough to always see it. I'm pretty sure she made it up just for me.

"You wanna test me?"

I hesitated before opening the door, face to face with the two of them, Demi coming right up and pointing at him. "You tell him _now."_

"I can't," I protested before feeling today's dinner coming back up. I ran to the bathroom. Oh god. Timing sucked. My timing always just sucked.

Instantly a hand was rubbing my back, another holding my hair. "You're _fine_, aren't you?"

I smiled a little, still puking. This was glorious. I've always wanted Nick beside me when I puked. I closed my eyes. I didn't want to think of how disgusted he must be.

But once it was over I stood up, going and brushing my teeth, ignoring him watching my every move so closely and Demi standing in the doorway. I pretended nothing happened.

"Talk to me," he begged.

I shook my head, going out into the kitchen to get water. Demi sat down next to Selena again on the couch, grabbing her own water.

"Miley, please," he whispered behind me.

"Tell him," Demi urged.

I finally whipped around. That was it. The wanted me to tell him? Fine. Okay, I'd tell him. I'd tell him the exact truth, nothing but if they wanted be to tell him so bad.

"Fine. I am sick. I have cancer. There you go, is that what you wanted to know so bad? Happy now? Oh, and then I found out today it might be terminal, in case you wanted to know that too. So, yeah, I'm most likely dying as we speak. There ya go, now you know, can I leave?"

He just stood there shell shocked as Demi glared at me. What? Not gentle enough for her. I rose my eyebrows at Nick who wasn't even moving.

"Well?" I asked.

"Next time be a little more blunt about it all," Demi growled sarcastically.

I turned to her, glaring right back. "You two kept pressuring me to tell him, so I told him. Sorry if it wasn't the way-"

"Marry me."

We both froze before my common sense came back enough to turn back around to Nick, staring at him incredulously.

He blinked a few times, obviously shocked by himself before getting down on one knee and looking at me straight in the eye, no ring, no nothing, just him and his impulses. He smiled, laughing as the words seemed to roll right off his tongue as he repeated them once more. "Marry me."

**what'd you alll think! (:  
sorry this chapter was kind of all over the place... **

**ps, thank you so much for youre sweet messages in your reviews. love you guyss:) xx.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

It took me awhile to recover before I blinked rapidly as it processed exactly what was going on. "What?"

"I said-"

"I heard you, I just – no," I cut off my explanation. His face fell and I realized how harshly that had came out. I stepped closer, touching him. "You know I love the hell out you, but, Nick… I'm not letting you rush into this."

"We're hardly rushing, we've been together for six years," he scoffed.

"No, we've been off and on for _five_ years," I corrected.

"Same thing," he shrugged it off. "Miley, please."

"We're eighteen-"

"That's legal!" he protested immediately. "It's legal, and we love each other, and I can't picture myself with anyone else but you up on the altar. What else is there to worry about?"

I closed my eyes, not letting him sucker me into it time. I leaned up, brushing my lips against his cheek before meeting his gaze again. "The answer is still no, Nicholas."

I squeezed his hand a little before pulling away, going back to my bunk. I couldn't watch his face as he realized that I just turned him down. And not for a date, but for holy matrimony.

It took two seconds for Demi to be right beside me. She grabbed my hand, her eyes hurting for me.

"You okay?"

I hesitated, taking a deep, steadying, breath. "I did the right thing, right?"

She opened her mouth but then stopped herself. "You know I can't answer that for you."

"I feel terrible," I groaned. "He loves me, but I can't just marry him, you know that! I can't say yes!"

"You can't handle something that big right now. You already have so much going on in your life."

"Exactly!" I exclaimed. I bit my lip. "You don't think he'll be mad, do you?"

"He could never be mad at you, trust me," she emphasized the trust part, so I really had no choice. "How do you feel about all this, though?"

"Like I shouldn't have told him," I grumbled.

Demi stared at me for awhile before she shook her head, that mother voice that she somehow had coming on. "You know you had to tell him."

"He shouldn't know," I repeated. "He's already changed."

"Well, after you turned down his proposal-"

I gave her a soft look. "Please, be serious. I need you right now."

She sighed, nodding, leaning against the wall. "He's gonna change, that's what people do when they hear things like that, but it doesn't mean you just can't tell him. You can't cut someone like Nick out of a huge secret like that."

"I wish I could."

"I know you do. Last year I wished I didn't have to tell anyone about anything that was happening to me or how I felt, but I did. And you know what?" I stared up at her. "I'm a _lot _happier now. And you will be too. It just takes time. Rome wasn't built in a day."

"To think that was only two thirds of the brothers," I groaned. "How do I tell Joe and Kevin?"

"Well," Demi bit her lip, dragging the word out and glanced at me nervously. "I may have accidently let it slip to Joe a few weeks ago as soon as I found out."

My eyes widened. "And you never thought to tell me this because?"

"You'd freak out he'd tell Nick, which he obviously didn't," she defended. "I couldn't keep it from him."

"Who knew he could actually keep a secret?"

"Oh, trust me. I definitely didn't," she mumbled. "I thought for sure I'd have you coming up to me pissed within a few hours of when I slipped up."

"If I didn't need you so much right now I would pissed," I laughed. Once it died down I stared at my fingers. "You think Selena's okay, right?"

"She's fine," Demi assured. "Well over him, trust me. I think she's really moved on this time. These past few weeks have been good for her."

"Yeah?"

"Trust me," she reassured my doubts. "I can read her like a book."

If she said so, I'd believe her. "Alright."

"Things will get better. You're gonna fight this."

"I'm trying to," I grinned weakly.

"You're gonna make it, okay?" she lightly shoved me. Since when did she become strong enough to be my rock? "Just stop worrying so much."

"What if I don't make it?"

"Then at least you'll have had a warning which is more than most people can say."

I smiled, nodding as much as I could. I guess that was true. "I feel like shit."

"Yeah, well, I know how to make you a little more comfortable," Demi smiled. She grasped the end of my "hair", looking to me before she pulled it off. "May I?"

"Nick's in the other room," I murmured quietly. "What if he walks in?"

"He'll love you with or without hair. And you know it'll make you feel better."

"Fine," I agreed.

She pulled everything off, rubbing my head quickly. "Much better."

"Please."

"At least you could pull the look off," she grinned. "I'd be ugly without my hair."

"Yeah, that's a joke."

"No it's not! I-"

"Dems?" Selena stood at the bottom of our bunk as we both looked down at her. "Nick wants you."

She turned to me. "You gonna be alright if I go?"

"He needs you more than I do," I promised. As much as I wanted to keep her here with me, I knew that I just couldn't. If Nick needed Demi then he could have her.

"Beg to differ," she singsonged, hopping down. "I'll be back."

Then, it was just me and Selena. She climbed up on my bed with me as I grabbed the wig. She took my wrist and I looked up.

"You look fine without it," she smiled, taking it from me and beginning to run her fingers through it. We both just sat there silently for awhile before she finally spoke up. "Why'd you say no?"

"I dunno."

"You really could've been a little gentler on him."

"Too late now."

"He really loves you, though."

"I know that," I assured. "And I love him too."

"So why'd you say no?"

I glanced up at her and shook my head. Just this one time, I'd tell her the truth. "Let's face it, Sel. Me and you both know that he deserves better."

"I thought by now we'd all just agreed you and Nick were gonna happen either way. No 'deserves better' about it."

"Not now," I sighed. "Not on my watch."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course everything is on your watch."

She got off my bed, going across the hall to her own bunk. What was that mood change all about? I thought we were both getting along. I furrowed my eyebrows, and not quite ready to let go, I followed her. "What do you mean?"

She pulled out her phone, pretending to look at text messages. I knew she wasn't though. That move was too over done by now. No, that wouldn't work with me.

"Selena, what do you mean?"

"He never gets a say in this, does he?" she asked softly. "Look, I'm trying really hard to be nice to you, but maybe it's time that you talk to him about these decisions before you just go running away again."

"You don't think he deserves better?"

"Oh, I do," she stated harshly. "But if he doesn't agree you're just hurting him even more."

I just stood there until she gazed at me again.

"Look, it's not my business. What do I know about Nick Jonas anyway?"

I closed my eyes. Demi was blind, stupid, and incredibly wrong. It was crystal clear to me. This girl in front of me was the farthest thing from over Nick, and honestly, that fact probably should have bothered me a little bit more than it did. Instead it hardly phased me.

"You can go back to him," I told her, not even needing to clarify who I was talking about because we both knew. We'd both always knew that we'd always be in love with the same guy and ignoring it didn't help anything. "I just turned down his proposal-"

"And he'll still come crawling back to you," she threw her arms up. "Honestly, I don't even know why you turned it down, you guys have been in love for over five years, it's not going away, he can't fall for anyone else – trust me, I've tried - what's the point in not saying yes?"

The point was he wasn't ready and neither was I. Right now wasn't the best time to make these huge commitments. Maybe when I was better and cancer free, then yeah, I'd say yes in a heartbeat.

"I didn't want it to be this way, if I could…"

"You wouldn't do anything. You love him just as much," she rolled her eyes. "Look, you guys belong together, I get that."

"I'm sorry, Sel," I whispered, brushing through her hair.

"Can you just go? You aren't helping."

Great, another thing to add onto my list of fuck ups.

"If it does help, when I'm gone you'll be the first person he goes to," I offered.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't say that. You don't even know if you're dying yet."

"He does love you," I forced myself to admit. "Trust me, he _really loves you."_

"Just not as much as you," she spat. I knew she didn't mean it, though. Nick just had that effect on people. "It's weird, huh?"

"What?"

"We're so alike, but we'll never totally be friends because you know exactly how I feel. Like, _exactly. __Too_ much." she stressed.

I wanted to contradict her and point out how I didn't because I wasn't second best, but I couldn't. I didn't have the heart to remind her that we weren't the same. Because for me that fact was positive, I liked being original. For her, I wasn't so sure that it would be.

"I know," I nodded. "It's hard dealing with Nick Jonas."

"It's even harder not dealing with him, though," Selena finished for me.

"If it makes you feel better, I still don't know why he'd ever pick me over you," I offered the last bit of honesty I had. Those words were the hardest to come out.

She shook her head. "You might not, but everyone else does." She glared me for a split second, but I caught it. "Everyone would pick you."

"No-"

"I've always been second best," she hissed. "At least when it comes to you. Because you just have this personality, this – this _talent _that you can fuck up again and again and again and again and they will still love your crumpled up record more than they could ever love me… And you have no idea how much it sucks._"_

I nodded, biting my lip and getting up. I shouldn't be with her right now. If I kept hearing this _I _might do something stupid.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," she sighed. She probably really was sorry too. But the words already came out.

I shook my head, shrugging to let her know it's okay before walking out. I stopped a little, turning one last time and deciding I had to tell her the one thing that was running through my mind. "You were _never_ second best to me."

**ok, i know this is a filler soo, yeah. thank you all so much for all the reviews! **

**i finally figured out how this story is gonna end and i'm really excited for it! hahah i really really like it so hopefully i can just write it right. hope you enjoyed this chapter(:**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

"C'mon, Miley," Demi laughed, shaking me again. "You need to wake up."

"I can't," I moaned, faking out a cough. "I'm just too sick today."

She giggled, hitting me with a pillow. "You need to see him eventually."

"This isn't about Nick," I fight. But we both know it is. "I'm just tired. And sick. And not hungry."

"You know what, I'll just go get Nick to wake you up. He knows how."

I extended my arm, still not opening my eyes, instead feeling around until I felt her hair. I kept patting her head until I could feel her cheeks before squeezing them.

"Stay here."

"No, you get up," she laughed. "I'll be right back. If you aren't up when I'm here I'll force you."

I ignored her, rolling back on my side and continuing to sleep. I didn't want to face to world today - world meaning Nick. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide all day long. I pulled the blankets closer to me trying to nag that annoying voice in the back of my mind saying that I should be listening to Demi.

"Oh my god!" I screamed as ice cold water poured down my face. "Holy – That's cold!" I shot up, my eyes now wide open to see Demi there with an empty cup.

"Good morning," she sang. "Time to get up!"

"Did you really just do that?" I scowled, throwing an ice-cube at her. "You better watch your back," I crawled down from my bed. "Payback is coming."

She rolled her eyes. "Sure, sure. Just get ready! We have to be out of here in twenty."

"Got it," I ran into the bathroom taking a shower, getting dressed, brushing through my hair quickly and throwing it up before running back out and smiling. "Time?"

"Thirty seconds to spare," she winked. "Let's go."

"How about you go and I'll catch up?" I tried to convince her. I just… I wasn't ready to face him yet.

"If you do that then Nick will be in here even quicker," she smirked. "I'll help you avoid him just this once, but we really do have to go."

I groaned, forcing my feet to move. "He hates me."

"I'm pretty sure he loves you."

"Shut up."

We got off the bus and she kept smiling until she reached Joe and walked to him, passionately connecting their lips. So that's why she's so happy.

"Get a room," I shoved them apart, subconsciously looking for Nick.

"He's coming late," Joe answered my unasked question. "Something about needing time to process something? I dunno he was mumbling."

Processing... Great. That means he took it worse than I expected.

"Miley told him about that _thing_ I told you, then he freaked out, then asked her marry him, but then she said no," Demi explained it all nonchalantly. "He could be processing it all for awhile."

Joe's face fell and he opened his mouth but I interrupted him before he even had a shot at commenting.

"Not today."

He nodded, respecting my wishes for once and keeping his comments to himself. Today I just wasn't in the mood.

"Was he alright last night?"

"Eh, I guess. The pieces all fit together knowing that, though," he grimaced. "He was a bit disoriented, I guess."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I'd rather you say No than Yes at this point," he put a hand on my shoulder. "You're eighteen, the conditions weren't right... You did the right thing, okay?"

I nodded, smiling, but there was still that small voice saying that I should have said yes. Thinking back to it, I would have, too. But it's too late now. It's too late for everything.

:::

"Hey, I need a favor," I walked up to one of the workers of the arena. "Do you have any water guns by chance?"

"Water guns?" he asked, a southern accent quite prominent.

"I want to pull a prank but I'd need four or five water guns. Think you can get them to me by eight?"

"Sounds doable," he confirmed. "They'll be in your dressing room no later than, I'd say 7:45."

"Perfect," I hugged the stranger before going over to the boys, looking over my shoulder to make sure Demi wasn't anywhere near by.

They all nervously watched me before I turned, smiling. "I need your help. I'm pulling a prank on Demi."

"In!" Joe immediately shouted. I quickly covered his mouth, smiling.

"Shh," I turned to Kevin, raising an eyebrow. "And you?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Just harmless water guns. She poured an ice cold cup of water on me to get me up. Payback is we all go up and soak her onstage. Good publicity, too, I mean, I know you three worry about that."

"This is gonna be great," Joe grinned. "Miley, I love you! Even though you did just subtly insult us."

"I'm in," Kevin agreed.

That was two-thirds…

"Nick?"

He avoided eye contact with me before finally nodding a little. "Yeah, sure."

Kevin switched back and forth, looking between us before frowning. "Are you two okay?"

"No," Nick said honestly, not taking a second to process the question. The answer was bitter and harsh, just the way mine probably sounded last night.

"I'll see you guys I have to… Yeah, I just have to not be here when you two go off," Joe scurried and Kevin quickly followed.

Nick started turning away from me too and my heart dropped. Did I seriously just lose all three of them again?

"Okay, I won't even fake it, this has really been bugging me," he turned back around, that determined gaze in his eyes. I smiled a little. I'd tell him anything at this point, I just didn't want to lose him. "Why'd you say no?"

"Why did you expect me to say yes?" I challenged.

"Because we love each other."

"We aren't even dating, how can you expect me to just marry you?" I asked, my voice high and stressed.

"Because you love me."

"Nick, you are Prince Charming to me, but," I let out a deep breath. "This is Hollywood! We don't live in a fairytale, you know that."

"I'm dying," I told him again. "We aren't dating, and I'm dying, and marriage is a big deal to you, Nick, you don't need to have a dead wife on your shoulders."

"I-" he rubbed at his eyes. "Don't say that."

"It's true," I crossed my arms.

"No-"

"Nick, it is, okay?"

"Stop bracing yourself for worst."

"Then start preparing _your_self for it."

He looked down before looking back up, tears in those deep brown eyes of his. "I just want you to be all mine. I want to have all of you."

"You don't think you do?" I asked. His bottom lip trembled and I realized for the first time that he was serious. He really did expect me to say yes. I sighed, placing one hand on each cheek. "Nick…"

"It's fine-"

"You have absolutely all of me. Remember that night after my fifteenth birthday?" He smiled a little, meeting my gaze. "Ever since then you've had all of me. Absolutely all of it. Nobody else. It's always been you, baby. I love _you_."

A tear fell down his cheek and I quickly wiped it away. I hated seeing him cry, he tried to hide emotions like these. In all these six years this was only the third time I'd ever seen it.

"Don't cry, Nick, it's okay," I soothed, rushing in and squeezing him as tight as I could manage. I felt him squeeze back, resting his cheek in my "hair". His body was shaking and I hated the feeling.

"I can't lose you."

I closed my eyes. He was gonna have to. "I'm right here."

"I need you to stay."

"I can't promise that," I let him down gently. "But I'm okay. Just like you. Even if the worst news comes you're going to be okay, Nick. I know you will."

And just like that my phone rang. We both looked down at it for a few seconds before he picked it up off the table and handed it to me.

I looked up at him, but he just pointed back to the phone. "You need to know."

"I love you," I told him again. "No matter what, I meant it. You have all of me."

He nodded. I closed my eyes, picking it up and holding it to my ear with a trembling hand.

"Hello?"

I heard the doctors voice and listened carefully for the only part I cared about.

"I need to ask you a question," he immediately said, "and I'm going to need an honest answer," he said slowly.

"Okay."

"Have you done any drugs or smoked, alcohol, anything like that in the past four weeks?"

Once I heard that I closed my eyes, letting out a sigh and grabbing Nick's hand. Fuck. Seriously? One night did all of this? Having sex with someone else is the reason Nick ended up proposing to me?

"Miley?"

"Just one night, I swear it was a mistake."

The doctor let out a deep sigh. "You're okay-"

It's okay. It was gonna be okay, I convinced myself. It would all turn out how it was supposed to be. This was a wake up call for everyone. One that we'll all move past together because it's _okay_.

"-but only for a short amount of time. Your liver is failing. From what we've examined it almost looks like a mix of the above. You're going to need a transplant."

I trembled a little, my knees giving out and tears coming down. Nick rushed over but I made sure to smile for him.

"Okay, and what are the chances of getting one?"

He explained the probabilities and why I needed a new one, but frankly I didn't care. If I was going to die, I wanted to know now. Not later.

"I won't lie to you, this is a risky transplant for the donor. With how much of the liver you need they could die," he shot facts at me one by one. "Miley? Are you there?"

I came back to Earth, nodding. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm here. Can I just have a day to process this?"

"Of course," he agreed. "I'll call you if any good news comes, okay? And you're close to the top of the list."

"Sounds great. Thank you."

I hung up the phone letting it fall to the ground. Nick rubbed my back.

"What's the bad news?"

"I need a liver transplant."

"How hard is that to get?"

"I'm near the top of the list, but no promises," I wiped my tears standing up. "I'll make it through, don't worry."

"What's the number, I'll get you on top of the list, first person in line!"

I took his cell phone, looking at him and shaking my head. "Nick, I want that just as much as you do, but just because we're famous doesn't mean we can mess with other peoples lives."

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure a lot more people will miss you than some other random person's daughter," he spat.

I laughed a little, rubbing his cheek to try to get him to calm down. "I bet every other mother thinks that, you know?"

"But they don't have a multimillion fanbase."

"Nick, I'm gonna make it!" I assured him. "I'm okay."

"So let's insure that and get you the liver quicker!" he hissed. "I want to know you're here now."

"I am. Now and always!"

"If you aren't I'll never forgive you for lying to me," he murmured, pulling me into a hug. "I can't lose you."

"And you _won't_," I stressed. "I will always be with you."

And I knew right then that he really had never stopped loving me too. We were two people that would always find our way back, and I believed it. Even if I died eventually, years later, he'd find his way back in time. Prince Charming and Cinderella. That's just who we'd always be.

**Okaay! sorry for the long update:P **

**so, this story is coming to a close... any predictions on the ending? hahah i finally have it all planned out so i'm really excited to see if anyone can guess what'll happen! :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen  
**

"Miley, I'm going to kill you!" Demi shouted, soaking wet still as I came off stage, a towel wrapped around her. Her mascara and eyeliner were both terribly smeared and her hair was drenched as well. Somebody may have also filled up a bucket of water and poured it on her.

I couldn't stop laughing.

"Payback is amazing."

"You're so dead."

"Demi, ask the boys," I smirked a little as Nick came into hearing distance. "You don't want to mess with me, because my revenge is always better than anything you can come up with."

"She's right, you know?" Nick smiled, wrapping his arms around my waist as tingles shot through my body. I could've turned to mush. Demi saw and smiled as I bit my lip to hold mine back.

"Oh, God. Don't even give me your lecture, you won't even ask her out!"

"Demi," I hissed, glaring at her. Nick and I weren't ready for that conversation yet. That awkward conversation. The conversation that we had both been avoiding. It wasn't the right time, it never would be.

"Hey, guys," Joe joined us, wrapping an arm around Demi despite how she was still soaking wet from the water guns.

We all saw the smirk come onto Demi's face, though, as she pulled away and began to leave all of us as Joe looked at her hurt and I knew that face pretty well. He was genuinely confused. "What'd I do?"

"Maybe next time you'll think before you soak me onstage!" she threw behind her shoulder and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, Joe. Maybe next time you'll think!" I chanted.

"You never think, either, shut up."

"Miley always thinks. You make her look like a genius," Kevin joined us and I laughed, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Told you."

Joe just glared at me, pointing his finger. "This is all _your_ fault little miss 'oh, hey! Let's just pull a prank on Demi!'"

"Nothing is Miley's fault," Nick defended, pulling away but grabbing my hand now instead.

"You two back together again?" Kevin motioned between Nick and I.

I looked at him and he shyly smiled, letting go of my hand and bashfully shook his head. "Of course not."

"You two are the definition of young love. Fight for five minutes, love for twenty, then fight again," Joe rolled his eyes, a bit of envy leaking from his voice.

Nick shoved his brother a little and I instantly went in front of him so that he wouldn't start anything. He had a temper, he did, but it was just another flaw I loved.

"Yeah, Miley, you put him in place."

"Joseph," I warned. "Stop it now."

"Look at this," Kevin said, laughing and putting his arms around both me and Joe. "It's the four of us, all together again. The originals."

We all laughed and I held Nick's hand, smiling at him and he slowly smiled back. He loosened up and I knew the real Nick was back, not the one that got defensive every time someone made a comment about him, or even worse, _us._

"I believe I'm actually the _real _original," I crossed my arms, testing them all. "I was here first."

"But then you met us and decided being an original was lonely with no one to share it with," Joe gave his cheeky smile and I let out a laugh.

"Man, I've missed you guys," I scanned all of their faces. "I'm so glad we're all friends again."

"Aw," Joe cooed, coming over and hugging me only for the rest to follow. I started laughing again as the three of them swayed me back forth, exactly the way things were a few years ago, all of us just so care-free.

And I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but I pretended not to see Selena staring at me jealously from the corner from eye.

:::

I sighed as I stepped back onto our buses after the show. Needless to say that I was in a good mood. Joe was with Demi and I scanned the room, frowning a bit.

"Where's Nick?"

"He has a business meeting tomorrow morning so he's flying out tonight," Joe told me.

Hm. I don't seem to recall him mentioning that.

"Okay."

He'd been spending more time on my bus than his bus and without him life honestly felt empty. It was incomplete and there was just this empty space. I wish he would've told me. I wanted to laugh at how pathetic I was being. I wouldn't last a day without him.

Or, you know, maybe I would, but it wasn't easy. Especially if he's mad. Then it was just hell. Oh, God, or when he's mad at somebody else. Then he has to act like he's right. But when he's happy – my favorite version, the one I liked to remember – he's the most amazing creature. People thought I made him smile with his teeth, but he made me smile period. Every single time, he just walks right into my life and reminds me how amazing it could be, and when he walks out it suddenly darkens.

I opened my bunk and rolled my eyes at the bouquet of flowers laying there. I already knew who they were from. Typical Nick. Not having time to tell me he wouldn't be here, but having time to plan out an extravagant apology. Not to mention that we weren't dating because he was too chicken to ask. Did Demi and Selena and Joe and Kevin and Dani get flowers too? Because apparently me and Nick were still only best friends meaning that I was on the same status as them.

"Most girls would be happy," Selena lectured me from her bunk. I rolled my eyes, yes I was being bitter. No, it wasn't any of her business. Sometimes I wish she would've just said yes so that I wouldn't have to hear her little comments like these.

That's the biggest lie I've ever seen.

"I know," I simply told her. Not rudely, just matter-of-factly. I wasn't most girls, I wasn't that easily swayed, I was Miley. And obviously it was working out for me because Nick didn't use _me _as a seat-filler. I knew that was mean and harsh, it was just so hard to get along with Selena recently. Maybe it's because she was jealous, or maybe it's because I'd been so angry at everything lately, but it just wasn't the same between us. It was hard to believe that we'd actually been close before this tour

Either way, Selena's comments didn't change anything. I was Miley, I wasn't persuaded with flowers not to be mad, and the fact that Nick thought he could get away with this just pissed me off.

:::

"Nick, dressing room!"

I turned around when I heard his name but he was already being pulled in twelve different directions. I sighed. Looks like I wouldn't be able to talk to him until after the show.

"Don't be mad at him, Mi," Demi plead from behind me. If she didn't want me mad then maybe he should've told me.

"I'm not."

She scoffed a little. "That's a joke and you know it. He didn't mean to make you angry."

She's right. Why pretend around her? "Too late. He fucked up."

"Remember how many times he's forgave you."

"That's Nick, he's too nice," I brushed it off. "I, however, am not. And I'm certainly not gonna let him walk all over me."

"Oh, we all know that," she muttered. "Cut him some slack for once."

We weren't getting anywhere with this conversation. I shook my head, walking away and into my own dressing room. I 'd had enough of this. I stayed in there, went out to perform, then went right back into the dressing room. It took about five minutes for Nick to walk in after me.

"You oka-"

"Where were you?"

"Business meeting."

"You could have told me you'd be gone all day."

"I completely forgot about it."

"Still, a text or something would've been nice."

"I'm sorry, but I was busy," he kept defending himself. Even if I was that busy I would've found the time to send a simple text. You know, maybe while he was planning sending the flowers.

"Fine, I get it."

"Are we seriously gonna fight over this?"

"I'm not fighting, I'm just saying that you could have texted me or something. You're the one that proposed, this is exactly why I turned you down. You aren't good with commitment, Nick."

"Okay," he scoffed. "Come find me when you realize how stupid you're being."

He walked away and I frowned a little. I called after him, my voice echoing off the walls. "I'm not being stupid!"

He didn't turn around, just kept walking. I was just saying the truth. I refused to apologize for that. No, he was the one who was being stupid, he can't take the truth!

Or I was being stupid. I closed my eyes, groaning and knowing that I had to go out there now if I expected him to forgive me. I took a deep breath, walking up to him and wrapping my arms around him this time. He didn't move and I knew what he was waiting for. He usually didn't make me, but this time he was.

"Really?" I groaned softly.

He didn't move. He was actually making quite a spectacle as he stood there with his straight face while talking to Demi and the dancers while I was wrapped around him. He was gonna make me do in, though. He wouldn't talk to me until I did.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

He turned kissing me on the cheek. "I know you are, Angel."

"And I shouldn't have brought up the proposal, I didn't mean it, I was just mad," I continued. "Forgive me?"

He laughed a little bit. "How could I not?"

I grinned, hugging him as everyone else secretly looked at us, trying to make it seem as if they weren't.

"Can I talk to you privately for a minute? Ask what I was gonna ask before you went off at me?"

He was gonna ask me something? Something other than if I was okay? I pulled away, nodding and he led us off back to my dressing room. He sat down on the couch, pulling me with him and held my hands tight, smiling a little bit.

"I know you turned me down a million times already and honestly I'm nervous right now because I think you will again, but I need to know something."

"Anything."

He stuttered before finally saying it as quickly as possible. "Will you go out with me?"

I smirked. "What was that Nick? Can you repeat it louder and slower?"

"Miley," he whined. "Please, if you're gonna reject me just do it now, this is taking all the courage in me."

I knew an instant smile appeared on my face. I went up, softly kissing him on the lips. Not deep, just a quick peck. "It took you long enough to ask."

"Well, I was so afraid – is that a yes?"

"Of course it is," I giggled, hugging him. "About time you got the balls to ask me."

"You really do have a talent for ruining every romantic moment, you know?"

"I've been told quite a few times."

"But I love you anyway, you know? No matter what."

I did know that. He's the only one I knew who meant it. He might stray off for awhile, and we both could lose our way for years, but in the end we'd always find our way back to each other. We loved each other unconditionally, and I didn't care if I was eighteen, I could never in my life love another guy like I love Nick. It just wasn't possible.

I snuggled up closer to him, just wanting to feel his body against mine. "I love you too."

**Sorry for the long wait! It would've been up quicker but my computer decided to restart itself then it didn't save this document sooo i had nothing. forgive me:) ahah. sorry again. and to the person who reviewed and said i was the worst updater in the world, that seriously made me laugh. thank you. thanks for readingggg(:  
**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

"Get ready!" Demi came onto the bus, a huge smile on her face.

"What?" I looked at her, confused. We'd just came from performing and the bus was leaving soon. What was there to get ready for? "Just do it. And look nice."

So Nick was up to something.

"He knows I hate surprises," I grumbled, going for the shower. "Find me a dress while I go rid myself of this stage sweat. Then, while you're on the phone with Nick saying I'm getting ready, make sure he knows how much I hate surprises, 'kay? Remind him. A lot."

"Alright, diva, I will," she laughed, pushing me closer to the shower.

I went into the bathroom, taking off the wig and quickly washing my body. I wonder where he planned to go. Did he plan anything or was this a quick meet up? No, I had to get dressed up, this wasn't spur of the moment. Or it better not be, at least.

"Hurry up!" Demi yelled as the bus started moving. Now I was really confused. I thought I was going on a date...

I got out, drying off, putting on the wig, and wrapping a towel around me as I opened the door. "What dress am I wearing?"

"This one," she held it up, smiling.

I tilted my head to the side. "I know I have a lot of clothes, but I really don't remember that one."

"Nick requested you wore it. He told you to consider it a gift."

I rose my eyebrows. "Wow. He's going all out, huh?"

"Well, he does love you."

"I'll try it on," I took it in, putting it on and opened the door again. "Can you zip it?"

Demi nodded, coming in and going to the back. "Miley, you look amazing."

The dress was purple and went mid-thigh. It was strapless with a small décor that gave a silver to contrast it. I looked at myself in the mirror. I saw a sick girl that needed a lot of make-up.

"Nick said to let you spend ten minutes max on make-up," Demi informed me.

"You aren't really going to listen, are you?"

"He had a feeling you'd try to convince me out of it so he's giving me money if I do."

I rolled my eyes. "Nice to know you can be bought."

"Hey, you only get five minutes for your hair."

"This has to be a joke," I laughed. "I'm gonna look like shit!"

"Miley, calm down. You're going to look gorgeous no matter what. But hurry up!"

I rushed, putting on foundation before some blush, bronzer, and eye make-up. It didn't look half bad for ten minutes worth. As for my hair I just made it into a simple side braid. If I said so myself, I cleaned up nice compared to how I appeared a few moments ago.

"Ready?"

"Well I don't get more time, so…"

"Here's your phone," she handed it over. "Hey, have fun tonight, okay?"

I smiled, nodding. I wouldn't lie, I was really excited.

"When the bus stops, we'll be at an airport, okay? You're going to walk to nearest plane and get on."

"Where am I going?"

"I can't tell you that."

"What will we be doing?"

"It's a surprise," she shrugged, walking away. "But trust me, you're gonna have a blast."

"I better, he knows how much I don't like surprises like this."

"You are the worst girlfriend ever," Demi laughed. "Just be laid back for once and cut him some slack, okay?"

"That's a joke. It'd make his life too easy," I smirked as the bus turned and Demi looked out the window. "He really loves me, doesn't he?"

"More than anything in the world," she confirmed. "He always has."

"We were just two kids," I started with my southern twang, trying my best to imitate Rachel McAdams, "but we really loved each other didn't we?"

"Miley, you know that you really did. And you still do."

I smiled a bit, messing with the hem of my dress. It was a nice dress, I wish there was a pricetag so I could pay him back for it. God knows what else we're doing tonight that Nick spent money on. He spoiled me and I knew it.

"Okay, here. Go out! Have fun, you're telling me everything when you get back so don't do anything you'd want to keep a secret!"

I rolled my eyes, walking out of the bus and just standing there for awhile before heading to what I knew must be his plane.

"Hello, Beautiful," he smiled at me as soon as I got there. "How's it goin?"

I shrugged a little. "Hear it's wonderful in California."

"I've been missing you, but it's okay, 'cause tonight we're gonna fly… Literally."

I laughed, going in and giving him a huge hug. "I don't know what you're doing, but it obviously took effort, so thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. You're gonna have a long night," he grinned. "Hope you aren't tired."

"I'm never tired. You're the wimp."

"I'm not tired either," he walked us past the pilot to our section of the plane. He sat us both down before covering us with a blanket.

"Thank you for the dress," I smiled. "I love it."

"I love it too. You look really good in purple," he complimented. "But there's one thing I don't like…"

I cocked my head to the side. "What?"

He wasn't supposed to insult me on a date.

He stroked my fake hair, staring at it before shifting his eyes to meet mine. "Take it off."

"The wig?" I choked. "Nick, no."

"Please, I want this date to be perfect."

"Me too," I fought. "Nick…"

"Please," he begged again. "Why don't you trust me?"

"I do, but I hate how I look without it. I'm hideous!"

He smirked. "Beg to differ, beautiful."

"You have to say that."

"I'd never date an ugly girl, so…"

"Nicholas," I warned. "You're acting famous again."

"Miley," he mimicked me. "I am famous."

"That doesn't-"

"Hey! You're changing the subject," he chuckled, lightly tugging a strand. "_Please_."

"You're really going to make me do this?"

"Why do you find it so intimidating?"

"Easy for you to say, it's not your hair," I grumbled.

He shook his head. "Miley Ray, you know that you have nothing to be scared about with me. Now let's go, this fight is getting old."

I stared out the window, thinking about it in silence. He let me. Maybe he knew I was going to give in. We sat there for maybe ten minutes before I found myself sliding the wig off.

He subtly leaned down and pulled me closer to him. "You're just as gorgeous as you were ten minutes ago. Maybe even more."

I cuddled next to him, wrapping my arms around his torso. "You have to say it."

"Wouldn't date an ugly girl."

"Ass."

He laughed a little before looking at me and I looked at him. "Do you know how lucky I am to have you?"

I nodded. "Bald. Sick. D-"

"Beautiful," he corrected. "Stunning. Courageous."

"Nick, you don't see it, but you're wrong."

"No, you are," he smiled cheekily.

"Let's change subjects, okay?"

He nodded, but both of us were content on a comfortable silence for awhile. It was pleasing to hear, because it was silence with him. It was ten minutes until either of us spoke again.

"I've been wondering something for awhile," he started. I shifted so I was looking at him, his face drawn about with lines of utter confusion. "Back in Tybee, when you could've called anyone, you called me, and I guess I never understood out of all the people… Why'd you pick me?"

"You know I figured you'd asked that one day, and I have an easy answer ready for you," I smiled, looking directly at him. "Because you're the only one who always knows what to say to make me feel better."

"Why else?"

I hadn't been expecting a challenge. "What?"

"I don't want a prepared answer, I want to know other reasons."

"Because I knew you'd come."

"And?"

"I needed you."

"And?"

"Because you're the only one who I knew would always pick up. Every time."

"Even on stage," he finished what he'd told me so many times when he was worried. "Miley…"

I knew he had no rhyme or reason for saying it. He just liked saying it. I hummed. "Nick…"

"Are we ever going to talk about Tybee?"

I looked up at him, the light from the plane illuminating his face. "We both know what happened."

"It was wrong."

"But it was amazing," I reminded him. "There's no point in talking about it."

"Yeah, you're right," he shrugged me off. "Did Demi tell you what we're doing tonight?"

"Was she supposed to?"

"Did she?"

"No."

He smirked. "Good. Because I need you to be completely surprised. Now, why don't you get some sleep?"

"Why don't you?" I challenged.

He stared at me, smiling a little. "How can I sleep when someone as beautiful as you is sitting right next to me?"

I couldn't help but blush. "I'm not gonna comment on that."

He pulled me closer, resting his hand where he always put it when we were snuggling on the top of my head, just above my ears. Usually it was on top of hair. This time it was just skin.

"You know, out of all the girls in the world, you're the only one I can honestly think of that looks just as good bald as with extensions."

He was just saying that.

"Go to sleep, Angel. You'll need the energy."

"Thank you," I gave up, murmuring. "You don't have to do this."

My eyes were shutting and I knew it wouldn't be long until I was fast asleep.

"I want to," he whispered.

I knew right then that I had the best boyfriend in the world. And after the transplant, if there was a transplant, if I lived through it, I'd tell him Yes. Yes, it would be a dream to marry him someday.

:::

"Miley," he called softly. "Mi, wake up, we're here, Angel."

I stirred and I couldn't help but wonder where 'Here' was.

I opened my eyes but it was all black. I tried again. Shit. Fuck. I didn't want to ruin this date. I tried to open them again. Why couldn't I see? He laughed a bit.

"Don't freak out, it's just a blind fold."

"Thanks for the warning, ass," I muttered.

He took my hand, carefully leading me off the plane.

"Where are we?"

"It's a surprise."

"I don't know if you remember but I _hate_ surprises," I reminded him. "Nick, please tell me?"

"L.A.," he gave in, sighing. "I'm not telling you more than that, though."

I heard words but they were so garbled they sounded like a different language through the blindfold. I gave up searching for clues as to where we might be going.

Once we were in the car, limo, or bus – I couldn't see so I didn't really know – I turned to where I assumed Nick was sitting. "Can I take this thing off now?"

"No," he said and I jumped turning to the other side of me. How'd he get over there? "Be patient, it's worth it."

"This better be the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me," I grumbled. "Are we really in LA?"

"Miley, I wouldn't lie to you when you're wearing a _blindfold_ and walking around bald just for me. Trust me, we're really in LA."

I rolled my eyes. Leave it to Nick to remind me that I was ugly as fuck right now.

"We're here, sir," the driver stated.

He shuffled and then grabbed my wrist again. "Ready, Miley?"

"Of course, I love walking around without seeing."

"You'll get it off in like two seconds, okay? Stop. Stand here."

I listened.

His voice was farther away next time he spoke, but it was right in front of me. "Okay, take it off!"

"I can take off the blindfold?"

"Well, you can't take off the wig!"

I'd ignore that. I could kill him later, right now I was too excited about being able to see again. I took it off gasping, my jaw dropping as I did. "Nick…"

This was not LA.

_Click. _He took a picture with his phone of me before smirking.

"Welcome to France, Miley," he motioned with his hands.

I stared up at the Eiffel tower. This was amazing. I didn't understand why we were here when we were supposed to be in Connecticut but I didn't care. This was… He outdid himself this time.

"Wow."

"C'mon," he took my hand. The sun was just rising and the streets were mostly deserted.

"Where we goin?"

"I didn't take you here to stare at a building," he laughed. "We're having breakfast here."

"On the Eiffel tower?"

"Is that what this place is called?"

"Yeah, I do think so," he nodded. "Did you know it's illegal to fly over Paris so I had to take you to an outskirt just to get here?"

"I'm gonna laugh when you find out that's just a rumor," I laughed. "But really, baby, this is incredible."

"Well, I mean we still haven't had our first kiss as a couple yet, so I figured what's better than a first kiss facing an LA skyline?"

"A first kiss facing Paris' skyline," I leaned up, kissing his cheek. "You're perfect, Nick."

"I know," he gave me a cheeky smile and I looked around at the few waiters and turned confused again.

"Are we the only ones here?"

"I know how you feel about people seeing you," he told me softly. "I didn't want you to be uncomfortable."

I felt my heart swell. He was a pain in the ass, yet one step away from perfect. He was perfect for me, though.

"Nicholas Jonas, I do not deserve you."

"But you do, Miley," he grinned. "Now come on. I hear the view here is amazing. Pick a table, any table."

I was waiting to wake up in bed, realize this was all a dream, but it wasn't happening. This was real, a guy really did all of this for me.

"That one," I pointed to the one in the corner where you could see two sides of a view.

We went over there and he pulled out my chair for me like a real gentleman would. I smiled, sitting down. I had forgotten what a date with Nick Jonas really was.

"I wanted to come here at night, but with the time differences and everything… Now was the only time without it affecting tour."

"Nick, this is wonderful," I promised. "It's the greatest thing anyone has ever done for me."

"Good, because it took a hell of a lot of planning."

"Well, I appreciate it," I grinned. "You know how much I love you, right?"

He nodded a bit. "I do."

"Wanna know what I love most about being with you?" I asked.

He faced up, genuinely interested. "What?"

"I don't feel famous with you," I was so amazed. His eyes tinkled with confusion but it was true. "Do you know how amazing that feels? To not feel famous? It's wonderful."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm not a superstar, or the girl on the cover of all the tabloids to you. All I am is Miley, that's it. Just Miley. Some days even Destiny," I laughed. "I'm just a normal girl to you."

He shook his head at once, grabbing my hand from across the table. "You are anything but normal to me."

"I know," I squeezed it.

We both sat eating our entrees for awhile before he looked back up at me, then down, up again, down again.

"What?" I laughed.

He shook his head. "Nothing, Angel."

"Tell me," I whined.

He looked up, the triumphant smile of a five year old on his face. "I was right and they were wrong."

"About?"

"You."

"What about me?" I smiled.

"They said I should give up," he shook his head. "I said you were the same girl you were five years ago."

"But I'm not."

He grinned cheekily, grabbing my hand. "But you are, Miley. The same easy-to-please girl… or impossible, depending on your day."

I rolled my head back, laughing before staring at him again. "This is why it's always been you, that laugh? No one else gets that."

He smiled a little. I did too.

It was easy to pretend like nothing was wrong with him. It didn't matter how sick I was, I'm pretty sure if I showed up to this date in sweats he wouldn't care, he was just Nick.

And he loved me.

**uhh, i think I'lll just go hide from the angry mob ready to kill me because it took so long to update now... **

**and now you know why. fluff chapters are borrrinnnggggg. but they have to happen. sigh.**

**tell me what you thoughtttt?(:  
**


	21. Chapter 21

When I looked down and saw my doctor calling me I was anything but happy. I got those spiders in my stomach and the shaky feeling in my legs like nothing could be good. I was alone, though, for once, so there was no excuse to ignore the call. I had privacy and that was rare. If I didn't answer now it was unknown when I'd ever get the chance to call him back.

"Miley?" he urgently asked when I picked up.

"Yeah, doc?"

"How you feelin'?"

Perfect. Chemo doesn't take it's toll on a girl at all. I love being bald too. Not to mention forgetting how it feels to not be tired... God damn am I doing _great_.

"Right," he must realize after a long silence. "Well, I have great news."

"What?"

"We found you a liver!"

I freeze. That was great news. Amazing news, even! "But I thought it'd be hard and I was on the bottom of the list."

"An anonymous donor requested you have it," he reports. My eyes shoot into thin slits.

"Who?"

He sighed and I knew that even he wants to tell me. "I'm afraid I can't say. It's confidential."

I'm about to fight it but I realized it's no use. "Okay, thank you so much!"

"Wait, not so fast. We have to set up an appoint-"

"As soon as possible," I gush, smiling. I was gonna get better! After losing all hope...

We talk for a little longer before I hang up, immediately going out of my bunk. In a week and a half I was going to stop all of this. When I pull back the curtain I stop short at the expectant look on my best friends face.

"What was that about?" Demi stood there, looking up at me while I climbed down. It didn't matter that I didn't know where she had been all morning or that I didn't hear her come in. I was so happy, but a part of me was infuriated. I hated when he tried to pull these stunts, I _hated _it. Did he not realize he has fucking diabetes? I wasn't going to kill him in order to live.

"They found a match for a transplant," I forced a smile. But before she could say anything, I held up a hand and shook my head. "But it's an anonymous donor. Someone who doesn't want me to know."

"That's weird," she crumples her eyebrows.

"I think so too," I shake my head. "If it's who I think it is..."

"Nick?"

"Would it be that far off of an idea?" I wince.

She pauses, then thinks about it. "Sounds like his working if you ask me."

I nod, disappointed. "If it's him, Demi... I'll kill him for even thinking of it."

"Before you get mad go talk to him," she brushes you away. She looks out the window. "Ten minutes ago I was hanging out with him and he seemed perfectly fine. You know Nick, he can hardly keep a secret."

I disagreed. He could easily kept secrets if he really viewed it as a secret. He kept his diabetes secret for awhile. He kept albums secret. He kept _Selena _a secret. I fling open the door and ran to their bus, pounding on the door repeatedly. I was getting too worked up to stop.

Kevin answers. He raises his eyebrows, putting on what he must find to be a humorous smile. "Yes, Miley?"

"I need to talk to Nick," I ordered. "_Now._"

"Already trouble in paradise... tsk tsk," he shakes his head, opening the door wider. Nick is right there, looking back. I wave my index finger at him, beckoning him closer.

He comes until, like me, he's off the bus and we're standing on pavement in the middle of a mess of vehicles. Might as well cut to the chase. Catch him off guard.

"Are you giving me your liver?"

His eyes suddenly look lost. "What? No! I mean... Do you want me to? I can, I just-"

"No," I say firmly, holding his cheeks. "I don't want your liver. But an anonymous donor is giving me one and I just... Are you sure it's not you? It seems like a you thing?"

"What?" he yells, a huge smile on his face. He picks me up and spins me in a circle a few times, laughing all the way. "You found a liver? Miley! That's amazing!"

"It's not you?"

"No, I wish it was. If I'd have thought of it you'd have had a liver three weeks ago!"

I continue to stare at him for awhile before realizing that he's telling the truth. Or at least half of it, because I know his lying eyes better than anyone, and those aren't them.

I hug him, celebrating with him now that the crisis was out of the way. Nick... Nick of all people couldn't give me his liver. I didn't want it. I'd refuse the transplant if it was him. But that brought up a new question...

"If not you... who?"

He pauses, thinking for awhile before shaking his head. "I have no idea."

"I don't want my family doing it, Nick," I tell him honestly. He pulls me close. I know he understands. "I don't want to save my life if I'm putting them together."

"They must really love you, Mile. You can't get mad for that," he rubs my head and I'm worried my wig is gonna get messed up but don't say anything. His voice is soft and solemn. "We'd all miss you so much... You have no idea."

There are tears in his voice but I can't speak or I'll start crying too. So I listen, holding him tighter.

"I love you," I promise.

He nods against me and I know what that's supposed to mean I love you too.

–

Step by step I walked until I found myself next to Joe and Demi. Under normal circumstances I probably wouldn't have interrupted their little alone time, but while Nick wasn't around I felt that I needed to. They both smile at me and say hi, but I don't want to make small talk. I want to know the truth.

"Tell me that Nick wasn't lying this morning," I beg. He looks confused so I explain further. "He isn't giving me his liver, is he?"

"Nick is doing what?" his eyes widen. Demi gives him a suspicious look, but Joe doesn't calm down. "Why wasn't I informed-"

"No, no, he said he wasn't I just..." I smile and laugh a little. "I'm the paranoid girlfriend, I guess."

He calms down a little and it always makes me happy to see how much these four brothers care for one another. Nothing could tear them apart. Even I couldn't and that's saying something.

"Ever scare me like that again and I can assure you you won't live to get a liver."

"No time for jokes," I sing, winking at them again. "Well, that's all. I'll leave you two lovebirds to... you know."

"Bye, Miley," Demi says with edge and I laugh, walking away again.

"Heard they found you a liver," Mrs. Jonas comes up to me. I froze for a moment, thrown off a bit. Thinking back on it, I hadn't spoken with her properly almost all tour.

I smiled, turning to look at her. "Yeah. I guess they did. Wish I knew who it was though."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually," she put a hand on my upper arm and it felt comforting. "You're a strong girl."

"Thanks, Mrs. Jonas."

"Miley," she warned, raising her eyebrows at me. "You of all people should know better."

"Sorry, Denise," I laughed bashfully.

"Now, let's talk about the juicy stuff. You and my son?" Her eyes still had that special twinkle that made anyone feel special. I must have been standing there for awhile because she repeated herself. "Hm? Miley?"

I'm not sure if she was asking for an explanation or just my feelings, but all I timidly said was, "I like him a lot."

She laughed, making me feel a little better. "Oh, I've known that. He adores you."

"Yeah, me too," I let out the first genuine smile. "He's the best thing that's happened in my life."

"You're the best that's happened in his too," she winks at me. "In fact, I always thought it'd be Nick walking down the aisle first. And I thought it'd be you by his side. Kevin surprised us all."

"Really? I read that way back when but just assumed it was a rumor without a second thought."

"No. That was the truth for once," she laughed. "Why'd you think it was a rumor?"

"I just thought you hated me..."

"Why would I hate you, Miley Ray?" she asked, putting her hand around my shoulder and looking at me so concerned. "I loved you to bits and pieces."

I looked down. "I thought you liked Selena more. And that you realized that I'm not good enough for Nick and I'm just a – well, I'm Miley."

"You thought that?" she pursed her lips.

I shrugged because I didn't want her to feel bad, but yeah. I did. I mean, if I were her I would think that. I couldn't blame Denise if she was fonder of Selena. She was perfect. I was me.

"I'm sorry you felt that way, but let me make it clear that it's not true," she squeezed me closer. "You're my daughter. And you've done some things in the past year that I was ready to come over and set you straight on, but you're still my daughter."

I smiled a little bit. "And Selena?"

"She couldn't quite fill that hole that you left... although she did try pretty hard," Denise laughed, obviously thinking of memories that I didn't get the chance to share with her. "I remember on your sixteenth birthday, we all called and left you a voice mail – which you never returned, little missy! - and we all gathered in the kitchen to call you and sing happy birthday and pass the phone around, and Selena just happened to be there for dinner. The look on her face while we were doing that... Yet, she never brought it up with Nick. And the entire night I was waiting to hear a fight or for her her to leave early, but she never did. I even asked Nick about it and she didn't even bring it up when I know for a fact that if roles were reversed, God, would you raise holy hell about him calling his his ex love of his life."

I couldn't help but burst out laughing at how true that was. My cheeks reddened. "I don't like being second best. Especially not in Nick's eyes."

"Well, I don't think that will ever be a problem," she chuckled. It was quiet for a few moments. I think we both had a slew of things to say but didn't know quite how to say it without creating tension. "You two really worry me sometimes."

"Me and Nick?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise. I'd never heard that one before. I heard that everyone knew we were soulmates and how people were jealous of us, but never that we worried anyone. "Why?"

"You're both just..." she cut herself off. "Don't worry about it, Sweetie."

"No, really. Why?"

"You're both so young. You have the rest of your life ahead of you but if anything ever happened – and I mean _really _happened to one of you... I don't know how the other would cope."

"I wouldn't be able to, but Nick is strong. Trust me, he'll be okay even if this doesn't work."

"The transplant?"

"Yeah."

She smiled, shaking her head at me. "I wish you the best, because he might pretend in front of you, but you haven't seen him all tour when you weren't around. The only thing he truly worries about is you."

"It'll work out, I know it will. I'm not ready to go yet. I still have billions of people to meet and thousands of concerts to sell out."

"I know. You're too strong to go yet," she said. But there was an inexplicable sadness to her eyes. She was doubting her words. "I love you so much, Miley."

"You too, Mrs. Jonas," I laughed. "Crazy. Six years now, huh?"

"I could have told you that it'd last."

I smiled up at her until hers faltered a little.

"When's the transplant?"

"A week from tomorrow. They want to get it done as soon as possible."

She gave that look of finalty that always hinted that the conversation was over before she even said goodbye. "Goodluck, then, Miley."

"Thanks, Mrs. Jonas."

"Denise."

"Right," I laughed, watching her go. It was odd. Sometimes I felt as if she was more of a parent than my own. Not to say that my mom and dad were bad at parenting because they weren't, but sometimes it was so frustrating rebuilding everything from rock bottom... Denise was always so simple.

"Miley, c'mon," my mom appeared. I sighed, getting up. It was just one of those days that I should be happy but wasn't. I found a donor, but it wasn't enough. I was putting them through a risky surgery.

"Mom," I called out. She walked back in but she was in manager mode already. I didn't want a manager right now. I shook my head and put on a soft smile. "Nevermind. I'll tell you later."

She nodded and proceeded doing her job. I closed my eyes, smiling about the fact that this wouldn't be my last tour, but then frowned because I didn't know what would happen to Nick and I after this. All I knew was that after the transplant, I was going to say yes. I'd say finally that I would love to be his wife.

**Sorry for the long wait. Life has been... well, I don't know. Sorry for the crappy chapter. Any guesses on who the donor is? I'll try to update another chapter soon. Only a few more to go! Don't worry, I _will _finish this story!**


	22. Chapter 22

It was odd being forced to sit in a hospital room in a robe and know that everything's about to change. My mom was by my bed holding small talk but she couldn't hide how nervous she was. Everyone knew how medically dangerous this surgery could be. Not only for me but for the mysterious donor, too.

I looked up at her and she was already looking at me. My voice was softer than normal and less forced, but it was still clear as dawn. "Do you think I know the donor personally?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I mean, the public doesn't know so it can't be a fan... I think you almost have to for this opportunity to present itself."

"It can't be anyone too close, though, Mom. It... I swear to God I have this horrible feeling in my stomach that it's Nick and if anyone dies from this - _especially _him - I'll be crushed, but if it's one of the few people who I actually care about... Mom, it can't be. I can't lose anyone else."

"Well, Honey, I hate telling you this but nobody can bear to lose you. And whoever is doing this, giving you a liver, I am _so _grateful for. I love you so much."

She held my hand and I gulped trying to hold back the tears. I was giving up everything for this. We had to cancel the rest of the American leg of tour and it made everyone a little gloomy. I knew it did. I told them to keep going, but as a company everyone else voted against me. They said we'd do it next year when I was in better condition. Nick said it's because everyone would return their tickets without me running the show. I disagreed completely.

"Where is everyone?"

"Well, the Jonas' are all having anxiety attacks as Denise tries to calm them down," Demi walked in. "But, as always, I'm right here. By your side."

"See anyone I know in these halls?" I asked. "I want to know who it is, Dem."

"I don't know, but it could honestly be anyone. You have no idea how many people love you."

"Or hate me."

"You're ridiculous, you do know that, right?"

"But I'm still your best friend," I lifted my chin in pride. "Speaking of, what about Selena? Where's she?"

Demi's eyes narrowed into slits and I knew I'd said the wrong thing. "Don't even get me started on that bitch."

"Oh boy," I sighed. "Where is she?"

"Fucking Texas. She thought now would be a good time to go visit her family instead of being here," she hissed. "I swear to God, Miley, after I'm done here... I'm gonna kill her. I don't care if she was my best friend before, that's a bitch move."

My heart did sink a little bit, but I wasn't going to say anything. I thought we were at least friends and she'd be there for me, but I guess not. It just sucks, because I miss my family too, but if roles were reversed I knew I'd still be here, keeping her company.

"It's fine. Don't get all worked up," I smiled.

"She makes me so angry sometimes."

"Yeah, so do you, but it's alright. It doesn't mean anything because it always turns out to be alright."

"This one isn't alright," she huffs. The doctor comes in and we both know what that means. She looks at me for a long time then gives me the tightest hug imaginable. "You'll be okay, Mi."

I wasn't that scared. It was her who she had to reassure.

"I will be," I confirm.

She left and the doctor came in and began explaining the procedure to me as I tried to drone his voice out of my head. I didn't want to hear about complications or any of that. I didn't want to be scared. He gave me "the sleeping medicine" and I instantly felt myself begin to get drowsy. I was ready for this, I was ready to stop this cancer. The last thing I saw was a tall girl with curly blonde hair creeping down the halls, trying to not be seen.

:::

When I woke up Demi and Joe were by my side again. She looked like she had been crying really hard, but the second I woke up all was okay again. She put on a bright smile and Joe let her go from his grasp around her waist.

"Thank god you're okay," she was instantly feeling my forehead as if I might have a fever. I had a transplant, not the flu. "You feel okay?"

"A little sore," I groaned. "Why were you crying?"

"I was so scared you weren't okay," she smiled again but her lips were quivering. I looked at Joe but he was too busy staring at his girlfriend with a worried glance. He shook his head at her and didn't hide that it was taking all of his restraint not to take her away from me and sort out what was wrong himself. The only people who hated seeing Demi cry more than me were him and Selena.

Somehow I forced a laugh, opening my arms and she climbed on the bed with me without hesitation, grabbing my body into a hug. "I'm fine, Dem!"

"Oh, Miley, thank God you're awake," My mom rushed over, coffee in hand. I felt bad. I knew hospital coffee wasn't what any of us were used to. God, I needed to get out of here. People went so crazy in hospitals. "How you feeling?"

"Sore."

She looked down at Demi's sobbing frame then to me for answers. I shrugged. She looked to Joe but it was the same deal.

"Should I give you three time?"

"No, I'm fine," Demi lifted her head up. "I'm just... I'm so glad Miley's okay."

"Honey," My mom cooed, going over by her side. I knew from that tone of voice that something had happened in the waiting room that I wasn't going to find out about from them. They'd bonded. "She's fine. You're gonna be fine."

"I know," she sobered herself up and once again wiped her tears. This time it was real though. She put on a smile. "No more tears. You're okay."

"I'm fine," I smiled brightly. "What'd you guys do while I was under?"

"Worried," Joe smirked, speaking his first words to me since I'd woken up. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Thanks," I grinned. "Did you guys ever figure out who the donor was?"

"About that-"

"No-"

Demi and Joe looked at each other and instantly I knew that one of them was about to tell a lie. They stared until one of them finally laughed it off.

"So?" I asked. "Who is it?"

"We tried as hard as we could," Joe looked at Demi for reassurance of what he was saying. "We have no idea."

"Maybe I can know now that's over-"

"Maybe you don't want to know," Demi interrupted.

My mom helped her out, agreeing with her instantly. "It's not always for the best-"

"I knew it!" I chanted. "I knew I saw her! It was Taylor wasn't it?"

This time all three of them looked at me like I was crazy. I wasn't though, because I knew with everything in me that I saw Taylor Swift in that hallway before I shut my eyes. She's here and I know it.

"What?"

"I saw her!" I protested.

"I think-"

"Listen, Mi," Joe cut his girlfriend off. "It wasn't Taylor, but there is something you should probably know."

"Oh, god. What happened?"

"You donor-"

"You selfish bastard," Nick burst in. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and my heartbeat stopped dead. What had I done? He knew I hated it when he cried.

Joe snapped his head over to his brother as well before moving to Taylor who was still right behind him. For the first time her makeup looked slightly flawed instead of freshly done, eyeliner smeared over her cheeks. She looked at Joe apologetically with her hair falling flat, curls looking messed up.

"I had to tell him," she explained. "She's my best friend, he deserved to know."

"What's going on?" I asked feebly.

"Nothing-"

"You killed her!" Nick shouted at me. "You have _everything_. Why did you have to-"

"Get him out of here," Joe ordered. His top lip curled up and I knew then that this must be serious. I'd never seen him so mad before, it was on the verge of scary. "_Now_, Demi. Get them both out."

The girl beside me hopped up. She grabbed on to Nick's arm but he quickly tugged away, coming over to me and Joe.

Taylor simply stood there, shaking her head. She had tears rolling down uncontrollably and they wouldn't stop. I looked up at Joe and his eyes were bloodshot too. I just wanted to know what the hell was going on. Why was everybody crying? Dammit. If Selena was here she'd tell me.

I took Nick's hand but he instantly snatched it away as if we were back in 2008 and he hated me all over. He looked at me with such hatred that I could of sworn he never even loved me. He looked at me the way everyone else had. It was a look that I had never hoped to see on his face.

"What did I do, baby?" I asked him softly.

Joe stepped between us, glaring at him. He was pulling the protective older brother role but at this point I just wanted to know. "Don't do this. You know you can't do this, not now."

"Let's all just hide that bad news from Miley," he laughed, shaking his head. "Of course, it's always that way, isn't it? Everyone protecting _Miley_."

"What happened? Why are you being so mean?"

I turned to Demi, Joe, they both looked away. I turned to my mom and even she was looking down guiltily. What were they hiding?

"I hope your life is worth it, because of you, Selena is dead. She's not coming back Miley..."

He kept speaking but I froze. What? Selena-No. She was in Texas with her family, she couldn't be, she was just… She was dead. It hit me like a ton of bricks as I realized why she hadn't visited me, texted, called, sent flowers, done _something_. She wasn't a bad friend at all. All of us had believed her, all of us had doubted her, all of us had no faith that she'd be the one who cared the most.

I stared up at all of them, not fully believing it. Tears were already in my eyes, though. My eyes bounced between the five of them frantically before I was finally able to find words.

"She's dead?"

"It's not-"

"Is she dead, Joe?" I asked helplessly, the first tear falling.

His hands went up to his eyes to wipe the tears he had been holding back. Selena was more important to us than anyone let show this tour, and now we all felt terribly guilty.

"What's going on?" I asked meekly.

Demi turned to Joe who turned to Nick who suddenly looked too guilty to say anything.

"Please, someone tell me," I begged. "Is she – I want to see her."

"It isn't your fault, but," Joe let out a deep breath before pursing his lips, coming over and holding my hands. At first I didn't think he wouldn't be able to finish. "She-" his quivering lip cut him off. "She flatlined during the procedure, Mi. And there's nothing anyone could've done."

"Demi," I gasped for air. "It's a joke. It's a joke right?"

She started crying and once again ran back to me. "I wish it was, Miley. I-Selena's gone. She's dead."

And it was all my fault.

**Short. Sweet. Quick update. And more soon. **


	23. Chapter 23

I couldn't stop the tears as they strolled down. No, not her. If I was alive there was no way she couldn't be. No fucking way. She was better than me, she was the only perfect one left, she was the definition of _Disney_!

"No," I whimpered before saying it louder. "No. No! NO!"

"Miley," Joe took control. "She didn't tell any of us, okay? She did this for you-

"No, not her," I sobbed, tears coming down. "Joe, no."

"Calm down," he rubbed my tears away, not caring about his own. "Shhh, listen to me, okay? She loved you so much. She wanted this."

"What – Joe, what happened? I – she's gone?"

He hesitated but eventually nodded. "But it's because she wanted you to live. Do you understand that? She realized the risk, but she needed you to stay here a little bit longer."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw my dad and sister come in with the rest of the Jonas'. My mom and dad came over and I turned around the room, confused.

"How? Sel – No, she can't."

They all silently avoided making eye contact with me and I squeezed Joe's hand, pulling his arm to get him to look at me.

"Tell me," I plead.

"Mi-"

"Somebody tell me!" I yelled as Taylor just kept crying. Her hair stuck to her face. Everyone was crying. And I realized that it didn't matter what they had said before. Selena was like a sister to all of us. Some were closer than others to her, but that didn't change the fact that everyone in this room was like a family. We were all we had left. The only people who could ever truly understand me were the people by my side right now, because they were traveling fame's death path too.

"She wasn't gonna let you die," Joe told me, brushing hair out of my face. "She decided herself to be the donor. And they tried-"

"No." My entire body trembled.

"They tried as hard as they could, but it was too late-"

"NO," I screamed.

"She wanted this," Joe fought me. "She wanted you to live."

"Let me see her, let me call her, she's in Texas!" I demanded, trying to get up. "This is some sick joke, I want-"

"Stop moving," Joe held me down. "You can't put strain on your body, you know that."

"I don't fucking care," I shook fiercely, trying to get out of his grasp. "Let me go!" I pushed against him until finally Kevin came to replace his younger brother.

"Stop it!" he ordered harshly. "You know what the doctors said, and being like this won't help anything! You're being reckless."

I kept trying to push against him but he just pressed down on my shoulders harder until I finally collapsed, going hysterical. Kevin let me go and sat on the edge of my bed, on the edge of insanity, as Noah walked over, climbing onto my bed and hugging me unsurely. I grabbed onto her, just holding her body close as I sobbed.

"It's okay," she whispered.

"No it's not," I choked out. I felt my mom sit on the side of my bed, holding my hair.

"She's in a better place."

"Why wouldn't you guys tell me?" My voice cracked and I wiped away the tears.

"Honey, she didn't tell anyone," Dani explained. "Taylor only knew because she pieced it all together. She didn't even mention it to her parents."

The unspoken words that everyone was thinking were in everyone's eyes. She didn't even mention it to _Demi_.

"Oh, God, they must hate me," I cried, clutching Noah tighter.

"She knew the chances-"

"It doesn't matter, I'd rather it be me than her."

"You would have wanted to do the same if it were her," Noah whispered. "It's not your fault."

"But I wouldn't die," I tried to explain it to them. "Nick," I searched the room for him. "I'm so sorry! I-"

He shook his head, interrupting me. "I can't, Miley."

"I don't know what to say," I wiped my eyes. He walked away, though. He walked away from me and out of my room and I just closed my eyes. Without even trying I managed to fuck everything up.

Denise put a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me. She didn't mean it. Nothing was real right now, it was all so fake. "It's okay, this isn't your fault. It's gonna take some getting used to, but we'll all figure this out together, right everybody?"

Everyone mumbled yeah. Nobody meant it.

:::

When I woke up the second time Demi was sleeping next to me on my bed, fidgeting. I tried to close my eyes and sleep it off, but then she began talking and I knew that despite how badly I wanted to sleep it was my job to wake her up.

"Selena," she mumbled in her sleep. "Sel, I love-"

"Demi," I shook her lightly. "You gotta wake up-"

"What? Where are you going?"

"Demi, wake up," I shook her faster.

"Please, I can't do this without you. I'm gonna die!"

"Demi!" I snapped. I was remaining as strong as I could, but if I had to listen to Demi talk about how she was going to commit suicide now that Selena's gone... It didn't matter if it was a dream. No one was that strong.

Her eyes fluttered open and met mine before she looked down. "Sorry."

"It's fine. I understand," I pulled her into a little side hug. "Here, I'll stay up with you. Wanna turn on the lights?"

"Miley, it's four AM-"

"There's nothing to do here anyway. I'll sleep during the day," I told her. "Besides, this isn't healthy. You've been bottling it all up and it's going to explode soon."

"I'm fine. It's you we're all worried about."

"That's the problem. Have you honestly talked to anyone about it?"

She stayed silent and I raised my eyebrows.

"Demi?"

"I'm fine," she mumbled.

"_Funny_. I've heard that one before."

She got up, turning on the lights before coming back over to my bed. "This isn't like before."

"It's like what led to it," I argued.

"Well now she's really gone, okay?" she snapped. "She's not coming back this time! Treatment won't help! Nothing can fix it this time!"

I didn't say anything until she looked at me sheepishly again. "Sorry."

I keep quiet again and she looks down.

"I guess I always thought if she were to pull a move like this I'd still be the only person she'd tell," she bites her lip. "It just sucks because for a minute there I really thought that by the end of tour we might be okay again. I really missed her, Miley. And it was feeling great taking steps closer and now she's just gone. And, I know I shouldn't be hurt by it, but I just... I really thought I'd be the only person she'd tell. Like before."

"I don't think it was anything personally against you, I think she just felt compelled to do it and was probably afraid you'd stop her."

"Damn right I would have!"

"We all would have," I murmured. "I'm really sorry, D."

"For what? This isn't your fault-"

"I should have tried harder to figure out who it was-"

"Stop it. You couldn't have. It's against the law to tell you if they want it to stay confidential."

Once again I kept quiet because I really didn't agree. I was Miley fucking Cyrus. If I said bark they barked. Throw a thousand dollars in someones eyes and they'll basically do anything.

Demi bit her lip. "I should have known her better than to think she'd really leave you for Texas."

"We all should have," I nodded.

"The last thing I told her was to rot in hell, Miley," she finally began crying and I frowned, wrapping my arms around her. "I was so mean to her. I said I hated her and she was self-centered, but she's not! I didn't mean it but I was angry she wasn't coming to support you!"

"She knows you didn't mean it. I know she does."

"How?" Demi gasps for air. This is more what I expected, this side of Demi was right.

I rubbed her back and shook my head. "I just _do_. Because... Do you even know how much she loved you? I don't think you saw it and she _adored_ you Demi. She couldn't hate you for a second. You're her best friend."

"Taylor."

"It's not Taylor she had all the memories with," I pointed out. "You were the only one there. And I know I'm not the best to lecture about friendship considering how often I switch up friends, but people there in your darkest time are people that you never really stop loving. Mandy? There will always be a special place for her, even if we don't really talk anymore."

"I was still so mean to her and she was never even hostile to me," she shook her head. "I'm such a bad person."

"Stop it," I ordered. "Stop those thoughts, okay? Remember? I'm the only one who will never lie to you to make you happy? So listen to me when I say that it's not your fault, you aren't horribly personified all of the sudden, and that you were always her best friend."

We're both drifting back to sleep at this point. She yawned and I curled up in a ball again.

"Miley?"

"Hmm?" I hummed.

"Don't hate me for saying this," she turned away from me for some reason but I felt her cheeks get red. I knew how much she hated giving cheesy compliments, "but I'm glad that it was her and not you."

:::

When my eyes fluttered open again Demi was still sleeping by my side. I smiled looking down at her and thinking back to our conversation last night. It was nice talking about what happened out in the open. It was nice knowing that I knew exactly how she felt now.

"Late night last night?"

I jumped. I hadn't realized anyone else in the room. I turned around and shrugged a little. "Kind of."

"It's almost one."

"We woke up and just talked early this morning," I explained.

Brandi laughed. "Figures. You two are so emotional when you get together."

"Yeah," I agreed, sitting up.

She nervously looked down at Demi before shifting her gaze back up to me. "She's okay, right?"

I glanced at her and nodded. "She's dealing a lot better than expected."

"And you?"

"Has no one been listening? I barely knew her."

"Miley," she gave me that look.

"I wish she would've told me. And I wish I knew how I could fix everything."

"What about Nick? What's happening with you two?"

Right... Nick. "He won't answer my texts or calls and hasn't came to visit since he found out."

She came over. "I'm really sorry, Mi."

"Nick's a fucking idiot," Demi cursed.

We both looked over to her before laughing.

"Nice place to join," Brandi praised. "Actually, though, I was just supposed to stay in here until you woke up. You both have visitors."

Before either of us could ask who Brandi was out of the room. I rolled my eyes. "Morning to you too."

"God, we look hot. Hope it's no one too important."

"Brad Pitt."

"CEO of Disney."

"That shows exactly how different we are."

Demi laughed until we both heard murmurs and looked as each other nervously. When they entered Demi's face fell then switched to surprise.

"Hey, girls."

"Mandy," Demi said sweetly. "How are you?"

I realized that it was Selena's parents. I wasn't familiar with them enough for names but Demi seeing them seemed so... awkward. It was like she was at home, yet out of place. Like a foster family perhaps.

"Had better days," she smiled softly. She looked to me and grinned. "I don't think we've formally met. I'm Mandy and this is my husband Brian, Selena's parents."

They both shake my hand and I try to hide how nervous I am. I'm not good with adults, never have been. "I'm Miley-"

"Oh, we know," Brian laughed. "How you holdin' up?"

"Okay. Thank you. For... you know."

"You're welcome," he grimaced. "And, even though she didn't tell us she was undergoing this risk, just so you both know, we understand."

"I'm trying to," I forced a smile, nudging Demi.

She shot up. "Listen, I know I should have known, but please don't hate me. I - I honestly-"

"Demi, if you think we hate you you obviously have forgotten who practically raised you. After all, your parents and I agree that it was about 50/50 on both of you," Mandy laughed. "We could never hate you, precious."

"Still, I should have known."

"Maybe a part of you did," her mom suggested quietly. Demi really had to think about that one. "Listen we found some letters when we were clearing out her stuff. We handed out the others, but here's the last of them."

She held them out and Demi retrieved them. One read my name. One read hers.

"We'd better go," her lip quivered. I don't think I've ever felt more horrible in my life. The rational side of me knows that it's not my fault, but the other side, not so much. "It was nice to see you again." She looks to Demi. "You look great."

"The ceremony is Friday. If you're up to it we'd love to see you there."

"I'll be there," she assured. Then, she gave the best attempt at a smile that I'd seen since...

"Miley. You too."

I looked up before stuttering, looking at Demi for help. "It's uh-It's not really my place to go."

"I'm not trying to pressure you, but she really looked up to you," Brian told me. "Don't you worry about being misplaced."

I nodded, smiling a little bit as they walked out. Demi leaned on my shoulder. "They're nice people. I can see why you love them so much."

"It was better with Selena," she murmured. She looked down and her fingers played with the letter letter. I gulped, but found myself doing the same.

_Miley, _it read on the outside. Her handwriting was lovely.

I took a deep breath before I grew enough guts to open it.

_So, if you're reading this it means I'm gone and someone snooped through my things. This is the last letter that I'm writing out of anyone's, because to be honest, I'm never really sure what to say to you. No matter what we've done, or what we've said, I don't hate you. I never had hated you. I love you death. You're like a little sister to all of us. Everyone feels the need to protect you which is ironic because you're probably the one person who doesn't need to be protected at all. You're strong, and brave, and anyone would be lucky to have you._

_I know that a part of you may be blaming yourself. STOP. This was my choice and my decision and I didn't tell you because you'd say no. You'd say it was too risky, but to be completely honest, it's better me than you. You save people so much and you don't even realize it. I know that you probably hardly remember, but even when you hated me I called you one time. I was really upset over everything and you listened. I knew that you hated me but I had to call and you were the only one who gave me worthwhile advice. And you have no idea how much that meant to me.  
_

_It may all seem shit now, but I promise you that when people begin to realize their impulses and what happened, they'll all come back. Your family will be okay and so will everything else that may have gotten destroyed. If I know Demi you two are inseparably bonding after all of this. I'm so happy. You're honestly the only person I'd trust her with after all of this. Make sure Joe doesn't break her heart, and make sure she doesn't do anything crazy. Try your best to convince her that I always have and always will love her. Always. She's my only best friend. Be positive to remind her of that if she's feeling down about all of this. Somehow, I have a feeling that you didn't need this letter to tell you that though.  
_

_Then, our most important topic, Nick. Don't let him upset you. I love the two of you together, I honestly do. There's no one who's more perfect for him than I am... except for you. I know I said some harsh words earlier on about him and you together. I'm an idiot. Don't let him go. If things are rough with him because of me, I'm so sorry, but please fight. You need him, but believe me, he needs you so much more. Don't worry, if he's being an ass I told him in his letter to shut the fuck up and send you some flowers. _

_I guess what I'm trying to say in this obnoxiously, cheesy, long sappy letter is that I love you. I love you to pieces and I need you to be strong. I want to see you smile again and believe that this is not for a second your fault. I truly believe that you don't have to be close to be best friends. It's all about the feeling. You made me realize that. Thank you. I love you so much, Miley. I'm sorry I was always too cowardly to say it in person._

_Love you. Selena.  
PS, really. I worry a lot. Make sure Demi is okay. _

I looked up when I finished reading and closed my eyes for a moment trying to remember everything about her in my mind. It's funny. As soon as someone dies the world becomes obsessed with trying to remember them, yet when they live the world is obsessed with trying to tear them down. I hated myself for joining that stereotypical description.

When I glanced over at Demi she was staring at the sealed envelope still. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying so much the past few days and I knew that right now she didn't have the courage to open it. Seeing another persons handwriting is so personal. It would only make it feel more real for her. Reality wasn't something she could handle in big doses.

I softly took the letter from her and put it on the table beside my bed.

"Why don't we wait til later?" I suggested to her curious face. "You aren't ready to handle it, Dem."

She smiled a little and laid down by my side again. I didn't think she was going to talk, but in a soft whisper her voice comes out again. "Things are gonna be different, Mi."

"But they'll be okay," I said.

Eventually, they'll have to be okay again.


	24. Chapter 24

_Oh, Demi Lovato, where do I start with you?_

_How you holding up, love? Don't cry. Please. I didn't want to make you sad, but we both know that I had to do this. The world wouldn't last a day without Miley, and don't you dare deny that one. God, I hope you don't have to read this._

_I feel like I have to repeat this again because you're so hard headed and won't believe me the first few times. I love you so much. And I need you to know now that this has to be the most painful letter I've ever written to anyone and I'm praying that it will forever remain unopened._

_This isn't a sad letter. This is a happy one. Because right now, I'm happy and I want you to be too._

_Remember when we were seven years old and first met? It's incredible thinking about it. Just watching ourselves change together is amazing. Everything is so different now but we're still the same. And the best part is, through everything that's different, you're still my best friend. And I know we're going through a rough patch right now, but it doesn't count. I'm not sure how that works, but just forget about it. I was never really mad at you anyway. And I know you probably feel guilty, but just stop. Stop remembering our mistakes, and just remember following that creepy dinosaur who was always high or when we first lived together when we were just becoming big stars! There are a lot of good memories to smile about, Dem._

_Now, call me cliché, but I am still Selena Gomez. So, to occupy your time, prevent me from crying because this is so damn sappy, and make you quit moping, I made you a list. Here's everything that I want you to accomplish for the rest of your life. If you finish, give it to Miley. She's much more creative so I'm sure she'll add some willingly._

_I love you, D. _

_Start letting go._

_1. Go yell at Nick and rip his fucking head off of his body if he ever treats Miley like shit._

_2. Stay close friends with Miley. She really loves you... As much as that sucked for me and as much as I'm jealous of her... She deserves you. And you definitely deserve her._

_3. Eat. Three meals, everyday. I worry about you._

_4. Remember that you are the most beautiful woman on the planet. _

_5. Seriously, rip Nick's head off._

_6. If Miley happens to doubt that I love her, reassure her of that. Because I do. She made you happy. Sort of fucked up my life, but at least you're happy._

_7. Don't run away from anything just because you're scared._

_8. Fall in love with Prince Charming._

_9. Start a family. You'd be an amazing mom._

_10. Keep making music. _

_11. Be there for anyone who needs it._

_12. Visit a hospital at least twice a month. Kids really adore you._

_13. At least once a day, laugh like you really mean it._

_14. Don't place another cut on your body. No exceptions._

_15. No more purging._

_16. Love yourself as much as I love you._

_17. Write a song about every single person you love in life._

_19. Don't lose yourself again. Remember, I'm watching. It'd break my heart to see you in that dark of a place again. I know I never quite told you, but watching you go through that from afar killed me. If you could see yourself through anyone else's eyes... You're wonderful._

_20. When you're ready – and only when you're ready – throw this letter away and move on. I was just a chapter in your life, Demi. And I can't wait to see the next._

_I love you. I really do. But, it's time for you to learn to love you too. Have a great life. Remember, I'm watching you every single moment now. Purge and I'll see. Cut and I'll fucking haunt the shit out of you. But, really, in all honesty, please. Hold in there. You're stronger than you think, you know? Just ask Miley. She'll tell you in person. _

_Miss you. Love you.  
_

_Selena._

I read over the letter then looked up at Demi. She had tears in her eyes and a fitting black dress on. I was in similar attire.

"Ready?" I asked.

She closed her eyes and nodded as we both went downstairs. I was going with her family to the funeral seeing as mine wasn't nearly close enough to Selena to go. If anything, they were wondering why I was going to begin with.

It was odd really. Selena and I never quite connected as well I have with other people, but I felt like she got me more than anyone. A part of my heart was sunken because it was as if the only girl who understood me was gone.

"Ready, girls?"

We looked at each other and both took a deep breath. It was going to be a long, sad day. I was on crutches seeing as I was still a little weak from surgery, but I knew that I had to go. If I didn't, I wouldn't forgive myself.

In the car no one said much. There was nothing to say that would be appropriate for the moment. Demi and Dallas and Maddie and even their mom... Selena was literally like a sister, a daughter. I tried not to imagine the pain they must be feeling.

"It's gonna be sad today," Maddie said when the limo pulled up to the curb again.

Her mom takes her hand and Demi takes Dallas' but stayed in step with me and my crutches.

"I shouldn't be here," I said again walking in.

"You should be," Selena's mom suddenly said behind us. I didn't even realize she was there. "Sit with the family, Miley."

I smiled, forcing a nod even though I disagreed. Demi stepped aside and their moms hugged each other. I didn't think it was possible to feel so out of place. They were all friendly and inviting, but there was that voice that continued to preach that I should be sitting in the back corner, that I shouldn't be invading this church to begin with.

Another limo pulled up to the curb and we all turned to look as the Jonas' stepped out one by one. Joe, Kevin, Nick, Frankie, Denise, Paul. Demi put a hand on my arm and I tried to quickly start a conversation.

"Miley!" Frankie suddenly called. Everyone heard his footsteps coming but he quickly slowed down when he saw the crutches but that didn't stop him from grabbing onto my legs. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Yeah? I'm glad you are," I said sincerely.

"Seeing you here makes it all a little bit better," he murmurs. Denise is by my side along with Paul at this point, the boys going on the other side of Demi. Denise hugged me and whispered encouraging things in my ears.

"I've missed you Momma Jonas," I leaned in, still wary about losing my balance on the crutches.

"We've missed you too," she promised.

"You too, Papa J," I winked, trying to brighten the mood at least a little.

He gave me a fond look and winked right back. "Been different without you. Lots of songs getting written, though."

I looked away awkwardly forcing out a laugh. "Yeah."

We gradually all began moving in and Frankie stayed behind to keep me company as I was slower with the crutches. Demi kept glancing back but I understood she wanted to be with her boyfriend at a time like this.

"Can I sit by you, Miley?" Frankie begged.

It was always nice, him looking up to me so much. "Of course, pal."

"Demi," Taylor walked up, wrapping her arms around her tightly. It didn't matter how competitive they used to be. Now they were just two people in the same boat. Their best friend just died. End of story.

A group that I recognized vaguely was sitting not too far away. It was full of people who I always used to call "the Texas group". It had Marissa and Brandon and all the people I didn't know but I've heard of. Some of them Selena was closer to. Some of the Demi was. Either way, that group was the one group that never changed. Whenever one of them went to Texas, they were all one huge group of connections.

"There's a spot open for you," Taylor waved Demi over to it. Well, if she was in the group now, maybe it had changed.

"No, I'm gonna stick with Miley-"

"You go ahead. They're your friends," I nodded reassuringly.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'll sit with the Jonas'. No biggie."

She looked back and forth trying to figure out what to do. "You can come sit with us too."

"We both know that's not really a good idea," I tried to force a smile. "Besides, I promised Frank I'd sit with him anyway."

"I'll see you after, then?"

"You're my ride home," I agreed.

She walked away with Taylor and I nervously went to the pew the Jonas' had gathered in. Denise was on the edge and I tried to hide how fast my heart was beating.

"Is it okay if I sit with you guys? I don't really know anyone else."

The truth is, I knew a lot of other people, but despite everything that's happened it didn't feel right to not spend today with them.

"Of course," she got up, letting me in and I squeezed in between Joe and Frankie. Joe grinned, wrapping his arm around me to pull me into a side hug and I knew that sitting here was the right choice. These people were the onces made me feel better.

"I've missed you," he whispered.

I looked up at him and smiled a little bit. "I've missed you too, Joey."

He leaned down, murmuring it so softly that even I could barely hear it, "My brother's an ass."

"I know," I nodded. After a lot of thinking, I knew that this time he was undeniably wrong, "but I don't wanna talk about it here."

He held out his hand and I latched on to it and Frankie leaned in to my side. I wrapped an arm around him and Denise grabbed my other hand, squeezing it reassuringly. They are my family.

"Joe," I heard Nick whisper. He turned but then turned back and they kept whispering while I closed my eyes so I wouldn't look. He wasn't being very quiet. Finally, Joe nudged me a little and I looked up.

"I gotta go to the bathroom real quick."

"Joe," I begged. I knew that excuse – I _made_ that excuse. "Please don't leave. I'm not gonna speak to him anyway."

"It'd make him feel a lot better if he sat next to you through this," he tried to explain.

"I'd feel a lot better if he came to see me in the hospital, but..." I shrugged and Joe sighed, standing up and squeezing his way through his family so he could "go to the fucking bathroom".

Meanwhile Nick scooted closer to me but I kept my eyes down. The last thing I wanted to see right now was his arrogant face, because I didn't know how I'd react right now.

He put his hand on my thigh but I grabbed his wrist, guiding it off.

"I'm sorry-"

"We are at Selena's funeral," I hissed, still refusing to look at him. "Not here."

Shockingly that somehow got through his head and he gave up, sitting there quietly through the entire service. He tried to grab my hand once when I started tearing a little bit, but I pulled away again. Fuck vulnerable moments, he didn't get to do this.

After the service Demi was talking with Marissa and Taylor and Dallas and everyone else who actually belonged there while I stood alone. Maddie had Frankie and Denise had everyone else's mothers to talk to and the boys were all scattered in their own groups and then there was me.

"Hey."

I didn't even turn around. "I can't talk with you right now."

"I know I was..." he searched for the word, but I had a good one.

"A dick?"

"Yeah," he drew in a deep breath and I could picture his nervous gestures behind me. "But-"

"Honestly, I'm not in a forgiving mood right now," I said as tears started coming down. Luckily he couldn't see my face or I'd be embarrassed. "You screwed me over, Nick. And you know how hard it is for me to trust you already not to break my heart because we've had the most unhealthy relationships in the past. I deserve better than that."

"I know you do," he agreed. "And-"

"Nick," I repeated.

He was quiet for awhile. "Fine," he finally sighed. "But I really am sorry. And I wish I could show you that."

Once I was sure he was gone I turned away running into the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. As I was sobbing all I could think of how much I wanted either Selena back or a good high. I couldn't deal with this.

When I heard the door open I silenced my gasps for air and stood there.

"Miley?"

"Hey, Dem," I bit my lip, talking through the wall. "You go back out I'll be there in a second, okay?"

"I'd rather wait in here," she said casually. "Take your time."

I desperately tried to stop the tears from coming down but they wouldn't stop flowing. "Please, Demi."

"It's okay," she promised.

"I want to be alone."

"Then go in the limo at least. This is so middle-class of you, hiding in a bathroom," she attempted to make a joke. I'll admit it did make me smile. "C'mon, Mi. Let's go in the limo. It's okay."

"I don't want you to see me like this."

"You've seen me so much worse," she reminded. "You need a friend."

I pressed toilet paper to my eyes but then just shaded my face with my hand as I stepped out. "Just let me clean myself up first."

"Miley," Demi pressed.

I ignored her, exiting the stall and grabbing a wet a paper towel while being sure she didn't see my face before I headed back towards the stall. Unexpectedly she grabbed my arm and the paper towel and gave me that sad look. "Let me do it."

"I'm fine."

"I never said you weren't," she reminded me, blotting my face. "But if you aren't, that'd be fine too. Not being fine is okay sometimes."

"I know that it's-"

"Demi – oh, sorry," Marissa and another girl rushed in after. "We'll just... yeah, come find us later."

"You can stay," I spoke up. Demi looked at me surprised.

"You don't have to-"

"They're your friends."

"Are you sure?" Marissa asked again. The two of use had crossed paths before, but we never really connected. She hated me and everyone but Demi realized it.

I grinned politely at her. "Yeah. It's okay. I think we were just gonna go back to the limo and talk."

"But we're getting her cleaned up first," Demi mumbled, wiping away smeared eyeliner and mascara. "Almost done... A few minutes... okay. Let's go, Mi."

"Should we..."

Demi looked to me and I shrugged. "I don't care who comes, but I can't go back in that church."

She led us all out to our limo and I climbed in first letting them all get in behind me. We sat in silence for a long time before finally Demi spoke up.

"Nick told me he talked to you."

I instantly pulled out my phone looking down at it. "Oh."

"It's okay to forgive him."

My lip started quivering again and I quickly covered it by resting my chin on my hand.

"All you're doing is torturing the both of you," she tried to get it through my head.

"I can't forgive him," I murmured. "He just... he left!"

Demi looked at Marissa who gave a small nod of encouragement. "I'm not justifying him or saying he's right, but he was in love with her Miley. It was probably hard-"

"Well she was your best friend, but did you decide to suddenly not be my best friend now because your other one..." I trailed off. I couldn't say it. "It's not fair."

"Everyone expresses pain differently," she whispered.

"Well his way sucks."

"But he's really sorry," she was trying to hide how she was growing frustrated. "He loves you, Mi, so just suck up your pride and forgive him."

"It's not that simple!" I snapped. "I just want him to not break my heart and to love me and to not hurt me and to finally decide who he loves more!" I cried, my mouth quivering. "I just want Selena back because she always knew what to do."

"If Selena were here she'd want you to be happy," Marissa speaks up for the first time. "The world knows Nick makes you happy."

"But he hurts me so much afterward. Every time."

"At least he's reliable," Demi murmured. Everyone looked at her and shot me an apologetic look. "Too soon. Sorry."

"Let's make it simple," Marissa took the initiative for her. "So, don't get mad 'cause Demi just tells me everything, but he proposed to you. Think back to before the surgery. If he had proposed out of the blue like that again, what would you have said? If you knew for sure you'd live?"

"I'd say yes," I shrugged. I didn't even have to think about it. I was going to tell him I'd be the luckiest girl in the world to marry him before everything happened.

"So, you love him. You'd take him as your husband, right?" she asked with a big smile. Maybe I read her wrong. Maybe she didn't hate me. She was one of the sweetest people I've ever met and the fact that she genuinely cared made me so happy. She reminded me of Demi in every which way. She leaned back, "I guess I'd say he's worth forgiving if you love him that much."

Demi held out her fist and Marissa softly bumped it.

"But... It just feels so wrong. Selena-"

"She'd want you to have him," Demi interrupted. "Miley, it was always you and Nick. Why are you doubting that?"

I looked down trying to come up with a few more excuses but I couldn't.

"At least hear him out."

"Okay," I sighed, slapping my hands to my thighs. "Where is he?"

"The limo a few cars down. He's moping too."

I nodded taking a deep breath and getting out starting to walk along the curb filled with limo's until I saw one that I vaguely recognized. I stared at it from behind a little bit but finally I opened the door, slipping in.

His eyes were closed but they quickly shot open at the sight of me. He rubbed them.

"Am I dreaming?"

I laughed. "Yes. I am Miley, I am your God. All hail."

That at least got a smile out of him and got rid of tension. "I already knew that."

"Good answer," I winked. I knew I had to be the confident one today. Because if I wasn't we wouldn't talk.

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't want to be mad at you," I painfully confessed. Sucking up pride is the hardest thing. "But you hurt me, Nick."

"And if I could go back you know I would. I was such an asshole, Miley. It's just..."

"When you're upset you need someone to blame, I know. I know you, Nick, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating."

"I'm sorry, Angel, you _have _to believe that. I'm sorry... And-"

I shook my head. "Fuck it."

Then, I wrapped my arms around his neck and lunged at him. It was impulsive but at that moment impulsive was exactly what we needed. I kissed him before pulling away a little bit but he smiled, instantly pulling me back.

We kept deepening it until we both suddenly jumped when the door opened. We looked like deers caught in headlights. My face reddened when I saw the Jonas family peeking inside. I climbed off him and bit my lip. "I'll just um... Yeah, I was just leaving-"

"Oh, please stay," Paul laughed.

"Everybody loves making you two feel awkward. Old habits die hard," Joe said simply, sliding in the car beside me.

"I should really... Demi's waiting for me."

"Actually she told me to tell you you can come with us if you want," Dani grinned a little.

"This is really embarrassing," I muttered, giving in and sitting by the window.

Denise laughed heartily. "We've all gone through it, Honey."

"So, you guys talked then?"

Nick and I looked at each other and he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, we-"

"They definitely skipped that part," Kevin poked his fun.

I rested my head in my hands. "I can't believe you guys are doing this to me. You never did this to Demi!"

"You're family, Miley!" Paul chuckled. "Comes with the territory!"

"Now, you are going to come to dinner with us. No option."

I grinned. "Yes, Mrs. Jonas."

"Nick, I thought I told you to train her," she winked. "I never have been Mrs. Jonas to you and I never want to be."

"Yes, mom," I playfully rolled my eyes.

We drove making small talk for a little bit and I held Nick's hand the whole way there. On a sad day, I found happiness here. At the restaurant we walked in and Nick pulled out my chair for me. I sat there and he sat beside me, interlacing our hands again.

"How's Demi holding up?" Denise asked. "Joe never tells us anything."

"She's good," I smiled warmly. "Or, ya know, as good as she can be. Sel was like her sister, but... It could be worse, you know? At least she isn't shutting me out."

I smirked at Nick and he took a deep breath. "I said I was sorry."

"But that doesn't make it less fun bringing it up," I giggled.

"It's okay. For two days he cried because Selena died. Then the next three he cried because he realized he messed things up big time," Frankie informed me.

I bit my lip, placing my hand on his thigh. "Well, it was sad. But she's probably way happier now."

"Always Ms. Positive," Dani shook her head. "Miley, Nick really did miss you though. Should've seen him. It was borderline pathetic. I don't know how he pulled himself together for this."

Glancing at him out of the corner of my eye I laughed. He had that smile on that he did when he wanted to pretend to not be angry. He was getting pretty annoyed, though.

"It's alright," I murmured softly.

"At least your baby is here now," Joe cooed.

I looked around the table and wrinkled my eyebrows. "Speaking of, where's your baby?"

"Oh, she's here all right," Joe said. Everyone snapped their heads to look at him and put a hand his chest. "Right here. In my heart."

"That was the cheesiest thing I've ever heard in my life, Son," Paul said, pulling a laugh out of all of us.

"Ma'am, there's some girls over there," the waiter comes up to us apologetically. "They're asking for an autograph."

I looked over and sure enough there stood five six year olds and their parents. I sighed, getting up and politely excusing myself. Going over I hastily signed what they wanted before the last one grabbed my wrist timidly. "That guy told me to tell you that you're his Cinderella. And his My Girl. And that you should marry him."

Shocked I looked back at Nick but he was suddenly no where to be found. Neither were Joe and Frankie. The only people remaining at the table were Denise, Paul, Kevin, and Danielle.

"Thanks, Sweetie. Have a nice night, okay?"

I was beyond confused. Did Nick set this up? How did he know they'd ask for my autograph? I went back to the table and stared at them, waiting for an answer.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the restaurant is officially closed if you are not in the party of Jonas."

What? They rented the restaurant out? Looking around it was fairly empty, but still.

"What's going on?"

"Don't worry," Danielle grinned ear to ear.

"Dear Miley," A voice is suddenly sounding through the speakers. I look around and finally my eyes fix on the balcony as I grin at my little sister. "Nick told me to say nice things to you, but I don't want to. So, I'll just skip that part and start the story. Sorry, Nick... Anyway, once upon a time, there was the most perfect couple called _Niley,"_ she mocks the nickname. "They were clingy and fought too much but they really loved each other. They'd take walks every day. He'd be too cheesy for his own good and sing to her while they were on bikes."

Demi and Joe come out onto the stage as Joe began singing to her and I laugh. Her hair was in two pony tails and his was spiked up like it used to be. This clearly took a lot of thought. I looked at Nick, but his chair was still empty.

"They told the media they weren't in love, but no one believed them because they're bad liars." Joe and Demi kept acting it out rather poorly. I was laughing amused, but still quite confused at what was going on. "They were absolutely obsessed with each other. It was like a married couple," Noah rambled. "Then, one day, unexpectedly, they broke up.

Demi starts crying and runs to one side of the balcony while Joe stays in the other. He quickly begins singing _When You Look Me in the Eyes_ and suddenly Demi joins with _7 Things_.

"Their coping mechanisms were clearly different," Noah mumbled. "They were apart for almost two years. Nick told me to refer to them as 'The Dark Times'," I laughed. I was definitely the one who made that one up. "There were a lot of sad songs, then. But miraculously, they made things right some how."

Joe and Demi ran into each others arms, kissing.

"Then they lost someone special and Nick decided to be mean and hostile again," Noah said simply. Again, Joe and Demi break apart as he pretends to yell at her. I grin, looking at Denise who's focused on me.

"What's going on?" I quietly whispered.

"Excuse me, I'm telling a story, Miley," Noah interrupted before his mom could answer. "Anyway, now, through all the fights and screaming, he's still here... and miraculously we all stuck around through it too. So, there's one question left."

Joe gets down on one knee on stage, but he isn't looking at Demi. Everyone is looking at me.

"Will you marry me?"

I turned around and there was Nick Jonas, down on one knee and all. My eyes widen at what I stupidly didn't see coming and he raised his eyebrows. "Miley Ray? This is the second time I'm going through this, so-"

"You're insane," I laughed. "Oh, my... You're so insane."

He smiled fully with his teeth and cocked his head to the side. "That's a yes, huh?"

I leaned forward kissing him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "A million times, yes!"

When I pull apart his family is smiling and looking back a ways I see my family standing there too.

"Did everybody know about this?"

"No," Joe said simply, now back with the table.

"You didn't," Demi finished smiling.

Noah came up, patting me on the back and soon enough our families merged into one large group. I stayed with Nick but had so many questions. This must have taken so much planning.

"How did you know I'd come?" I asked incredulously.

"It's you," Nick said. "Demi and I had planned this all out for weeks."

"But how'd you know I'd forgive you?"

Demi laughed. "You two are too attached not to forgive each other."

"And you all knew about this all day and didn't tell me?"

"Shockingly," Noah muttered.

I turned to her. "And _you _didn't tell me?"

"I'm your sister, not your spy," she scoffed. "Where would the surprise be if you knew?"

"And you didn't think today is the least bit inappropriate?"

They all laughed nervously. Everyone knew that in a way this was completely inappropriate to do it all after a close friend's funeral, but at the same time all of us knew this was the first step to moving on.

"In the end, I love you, Miley Ray," Nick wrapped his arms around me, holding me as close to him as he could.

I looked up at him and suddenly it hit me. I was amazed as the past six years of my life hit me full force - as how far we'd come hit me full force. For the first time, as I finally let it all hit me, I finally realized that we were going to be alright, Nick and I. Because the point was, we always came back. And we always would. Because it's Nick and I.

"That is a yes, right?" Demi asked.

Everyone falls silent as I laugh, feeling Nick laugh as well. "Absolutely, yes."

**I blame this shitty chapter on my mental status and the fact that I slowly and painfully wrote this over the span of 3 months. I just got out of the mentalll hospital, so yeah. There may or may not be an epilogue. And this may or may not be the last chapter. I'm really tired, so I'll stop rambling now. And I won't post my opinion of Miley's engagement. Alright, thank you for reading!(:**


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